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    #1

    General question

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    I was just wondering how long everyone waited to get married to their SO?
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    #2
    Almost nine years of dating and still not married. But we are all sorts of a hot mess
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    Engaged after 3 months, married after 1 year, and now married for 8.5 years.

    BTW, I'm the one in your other thread who got married in my teens and recommends waiting. Most of the other young military couples I knew were together much longer than me and DH but they still got divorced...




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    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    Engaged after 3 months, married after 1 year, and now married for 8.5 years.

    BTW, I'm the one in your other thread who got married in my teens and recommends waiting. Most of the other young military couples I knew were together much longer than me and DH but they still got divorced...

    I've been talking to my parents about it and they both agree that I'm a smart girl (I just gave them some hypotheticals. I didn't tell them I was planning to be engaged soon) but my step mom said that she was ready to marry my dad after 3 months of dating and my dad said he wasn't ready until after a year. But I've always been not well with change so I'm also thinking all of this could just be me making myself nervous
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    Quote Originally Posted by kmshont View Post
    I've been talking to my parents about it and they both agree that I'm a smart girl (I just gave them some hypotheticals. I didn't tell them I was planning to be engaged soon) but my step mom said that she was ready to marry my dad after 3 months of dating and my dad said he wasn't ready until after a year. But I've always been not well with change so I'm also thinking all of this could just be me making myself nervous
    Yeah could be. But it could also be your inner voice telling you you're probably making a huge mistake soooo

    Really not trying to be rude here. I just think if you have to work this hard to convince yourself to do the thing, maybe it's because you know deep down that thing isn't a good idea. Ask yourself and answer honestly if you would be rushing into a marriage at your age (or if your boyfriend would) if he wasn't in the military. I can't answer that for you but I'm willing to bet it wouldn't even be on your radar. The only people I know who got married so young did so because of the military influence and I'm pretty sure all of those people (including myself) are now divorced. Being a smart girl doesn't make your marriage a happy one.
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    Quote Originally Posted by kmshont View Post
    I've been talking to my parents about it and they both agree that I'm a smart girl (I just gave them some hypotheticals. I didn't tell them I was planning to be engaged soon) but my step mom said that she was ready to marry my dad after 3 months of dating and my dad said he wasn't ready until after a year. But I've always been not well with change so I'm also thinking all of this could just be me making myself nervous
    For me, sime of the biggest strains on the first years of my marriage was the fact that I was on my own for the first time, living with another person, paying bills, and being across the country and away from and family and friends. Marriage is so much more than if you love each other. It's can I be around this same person day in and day out? Can I live with his messes and his quirks? Can we learn how to compromise on how to handle finances, maintaining a house, Yada yada? That's a lot to take on when you're still trying to get your life together and figure out who you are.
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    Quote Originally Posted by kmshont View Post
    I've been talking to my parents about it and they both agree that I'm a smart girl (I just gave them some hypotheticals. I didn't tell them I was planning to be engaged soon) but my step mom said that she was ready to marry my dad after 3 months of dating and my dad said he wasn't ready until after a year. But I've always been not well with change so I'm also thinking all of this could just be me making myself nervous
    For me, some of the biggest strains on the first years of my marriage was the fact that I was on my own for the first time, living with another person, paying bills, and being across the country and away from any family and friends. Marriage is so much more than if you love each other. It's can I be around this same person day in and day out? Can I live with his messes and his quirks? Can we learn how to compromise on how to handle finances, maintaining a house, Yada yada? That's a lot to take on when you're still trying to get your life together and figure out who you are.
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    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    For me, some of the biggest strains on the first years of my marriage was the fact that I was on my own for the first time, living with another person, paying bills, and being across the country and away from any family and friends. Marriage is so much more than if you love each other. It's can I be around this same person day in and day out? Can I live with his messes and his quirks? Can we learn how to compromise on how to handle finances, maintaining a house, Yada yada? That's a lot to take on when you're still trying to get your life together and figure out who you are.
    Yep and that doesn't even touch on the challenges that are unique to the military. Think about moving away from home, away from your friends and family, you can't find a job, you haven't met anybody, and your husband is taken away for six weeks for training and can't even get cell service to call you. That's not even an exaggerated scenario, that seriously happens.

    Plus it's just too easy to brush off legitimate hurdles before it's your turn to jump over them. I remember having hours long conversations with my ex husband before we got married, we thought it would be so easy. We loved each other, we could be on the phone for hours and hours and never run out of things to say. We planned everything, we knew exactly how we wanted our household to be run. We knew how we were going to treat each other on a daily basis and how we would handle disagreements. But it really is so much more than that, before you spend a great deal of time with someone you have no idea what kinds of things are going to get on your nerves. When you're still basically a kid, you can't know if you and your spouse are going to grow together or apart. You can try of course but there comes a certain point where trying is just going against the nature of who each of you has become. It doesn't matter how much you love each other, sometimes you're just not compatible anymore. It doesn't matter how smart you are because intelligence and maturity are very different things.
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    Started dating November 2009.
    Got engaged July 2011...so a little over a year and a half dating?
    Got married November 2012...so almost a year and a half engagement.

    We were also mid-20s, kinda been there, do be that with the dating world...etc. I'm happy with our timeline. Honestly, I was ready to marry him far sooner but I'm glad we waited a while to get to know each other more, work through things as a couple, etc. He had been pressured to get engaged in the past which was a reservation for him early in our relationship...I'm glad that we were BOTH 100% ready for the next step when we chose to take it.
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    We got married 2 years after we started dating. We'd known each other like 6 years already at that point too. It was just barely enough time to get a handle on our selves and each other and what it was like to deal with adulting and the military.
    WiggleWiggle~ is my Wifey
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