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Thread: Do I move for him or stay?

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    rdavis's Avatar
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    #1

    Help Do I move for him or stay?

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    Hey all,

    I am brand new to this site as I am reaching out because I need some advice from those who understand possibly what I am about to go through...My boyfriend is stationed in Japan and is a Lt. He was offered a promotion yesterday that could possibly keep him there than his original orders. He's in Japan and I am in the states. I do not want to do LDR if his time gets extends, but I also have to be cautious of my career moves because my license will not allow me to work there unless I work on base. Any suggestions? Any advice would really be helpful for me at this time.

    Thank you guys!
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    #2
    How long have you been together? Does this interfere with any goals or dreams of your own? How serious is the relationship? Since you two aren't married you'll also have to find a house on your own. Also are you against being long distance entirely? Like not willing to do it or is just that you prefer not to?
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    #3
    Not saying don't go but please please understand that if you go and not married you will not have military support. And many jobs on base are offered to spouses first for spouse preference. That would be a huge move. You would be living on the economy. Now if you are a gov't employee that would help make life easier but to go to Japan would be a HUGE life change in that aspect.
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    #4
    Not to be super discouraging, but a move like that can be really hard or impossible logistically. I think it really depends on what you do for a living. If you are a government employee and there is an opening there then it can probably work. But your contract would be for a certain time period as well so you would have the overlap in contracts to consider between your DB and you. Just wanting to teach on base or something is probably a lot more difficult. There can be lots of spouses and locals in competition for jobs on base.

    A few things to look into addition to a job would be a work visa, housing, transportation, healthcare, etc. To be safe I would plan on having no support from your DB or the military. I know that situations vary by branch, but him being single may not even rate living off-base. DB lived in the BOQ while in Japan, he also extended his contract while there. I would have a talk with him about your mutual goals and what him possibly extending his contract would mean for your relationship.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by rdavis View Post
    Hey all,

    I am brand new to this site as I am reaching out because I need some advice from those who understand possibly what I am about to go through...My boyfriend is stationed in Japan and is a Lt. He was offered a promotion yesterday that could possibly keep him there than his original orders. He's in Japan and I am in the states. I do not want to do LDR if his time gets extends, but I also have to be cautious of my career moves because my license will not allow me to work there unless I work on base. Any suggestions? Any advice would really be helpful for me at this time.

    Thank you guys!
    I'm pretty positive the only way you could move to Japan is on a work visa or else you're considered a tourist and must leave the country after a certain number of days.




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    #6
    You could only stay for 90 days on a tourist visa. Then you'd have to come back to the USA.
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    #7
    You basically can't move to Japan. Sorry. I think it would be a bad idea anyway. Uprooting your life and security and support system for a boyfriend is almost never a good idea, IMO. But even if it were, Japan has immigration rules, just like the US. A person can't just move to the US because their boyfriend got a job here. And that same is true for most first world countries as well. There are a few base jobs that would offer you the immigration status you need. No surprise, but they are very competitive, and few and far between. Most are also a bit higher, professional level. They don't offer immigration status to the food court workers and Exchange checkers because those people are usually either local nationals or spouses of service members stationed here. They also generally come with time commitments because they pay for your move.

    Other than that, you could apply to schools here and maybe get a student visa. Of course, that generally has a long lead time, and can be quite expensive.

    Also, your boyfriend may be required to live on base (depending on his location) and might not even be able to live with you.

    Bottom Line: It's probably not going to happen. Which is good because you should keep a solid job and support system in your life unless and until this relationship moves to the stage where those things become combined (aka engagement/marriage).
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski

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