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Thread: Don't know what to do

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    #1

    Don't know what to do

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    my boyfriend and I are happy in love. The problem is we are long distance right now and everytime we have little arguments, he shuts me down completely. Like he doesn't want to talk to me at all. He would go on for days without talking to me and now I'm confused on our relationship. We have been together 9 months. I hate how to leaves me right before an "argument" is about to happen. When I really need him the most, he's not there. I don't get it, he says all things things but yet he does that to me. I'm just really hurt and confused. I don't want to leave him because I do love him. Long distance relationship kinda sucks :,(
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    #2
    Honestly, that's immature. That's not a relationship. You don't shut out someone you care about for days at a time just because you argued. Disagreements are apart of life and running from them does no good. I'd try to talk to him and see why he does that and figure out a way to prevent it in the future. A relationship is a two way street. Both partners need to be present and working together in order for things to work. Long distance is hard, but it's definitely doable
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    I agree. He sounds like a child who isn't ready for a meaningful, healthy relationship. It doesn't sound like it has anything to do with the distance; is there any reason to think he wouldn't do this if he lived 20 minutes away instead?

    I'd talk with him, tell him how frustrating and hurtful it is for me, and explain that I feel arguing isn't bad, as long as it is done in a healthy, respectful way, and that it is important do discuss things even when you disagree. See what he says and if he's willing to change.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by caljmw649 View Post
    Honestly, that's immature. That's not a relationship. You don't shut out someone you care about for days at a time just because you argued. Disagreements are apart of life and running from them does no good. I'd try to talk to him and see why he does that and figure out a way to prevent it in the future. A relationship is a two way street. Both partners need to be present and working together in order for things to work. Long distance is hard, but it's definitely doable
    I have told him how I felt and all he said was that he's always been like that and that he will try to be better at communication. Yet nothing has changed, he still ignores me and I can't do anything about because he won't answer my calls or texts. So I'm just stuck waiting for his reply whenever he feels like replying. And whenever I try to bring it up again he always says this is gonna lead into an arguement and then he shuts me down again.
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I agree. He sounds like a child who isn't ready for a meaningful, healthy relationship. It doesn't sound like it has anything to do with the distance; is there any reason to think he wouldn't do this if he lived 20 minutes away instead?

    I'd talk with him, tell him how frustrating and hurtful it is for me, and explain that I feel arguing isn't bad, as long as it is done in a healthy, respectful way, and that it is important do discuss things even when you disagree. See what he says and if he's willing to change.
    Trust me I have tried talking to him and it just goes into the same circle.
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    In that case, it's pretty clear that this is who he is and who he will remain. He's someone who resorts to the silent treatment like a petulant child. That's not someone with whom I could continue a relationship because besides being frustrating and causing me to lose respect for him, it's no sustain a healthy relationship over the long term. I'm sorry.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    In that case, it's pretty clear that this is who he is and who he will remain. He's someone who resorts to the silent treatment like a petulant child. That's not someone with whom I could continue a relationship because besides being frustrating and causing me to lose respect for him, it's no sustain a healthy relationship over the long term. I'm sorry.
    I know it's just that I love this guy and I just wish he can talk to me but idk I guess I can't make him do that. Thanks for replying
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    I agree. Very childish and immature. And him saying "well this is who I am and I've always been like that" indicates that he is not willing to work on it and change it either. Are YOU willing to be in a relationship with someone like that? You have to decide that for yourself.
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    #9
    You haven't met this guy in person yet, have you? Or was that someone else? I don't remember now.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Allybeth View Post
    You haven't met this guy in person yet, have you? Or was that someone else? I don't remember now.
    No not yet, he says he's coming in November. So I guess we will see about that.
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