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Thread: How do you deal with them leaving?

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    #1

    How do you deal with them leaving?

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    My boyfriend recently came back home from deployment to visit for a week but now he has gone back to base. It has only been 2 days and it's extremly hard for me so far. He doesn't know that it is hard for me because I am trying to stay strong for him. I know he hates that he had to go and if he knew how sad I am then it would make it harder on him. How do you all keep yourself busy? How do you remind yourself that it is all alright? Than kyou for the support it really means a lot.
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    #2
    Staying busy could be things in every day life things...going to work, seeing friends, crafting, working on the yard....what ever it is you do. Always make sure you still find fun with friends. And on bad days I would sit down with a sappy movie or tv show and get to the sad parts to cry it out and feel much better after the cry. It takes time to figure out what works for you, it doesn't happen over night but you will figure it out what works for you.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Margot31 View Post
    Staying busy could be things in every day life things...going to work, seeing friends, crafting, working on the yard....what ever it is you do. Always make sure you still find fun with friends. And on bad days I would sit down with a sappy movie or tv show and get to the sad parts to cry it out and feel much better after the cry. It takes time to figure out what works for you, it doesn't happen over night but you will figure it out what works for you.
    When dh was deployed, we had a 4 month old baby to take care of so most of my time was spent trying to make sure she was taken care of and if I needed to cry it out, I'd wait till she was taking a nap or down for the night, get in the shower, and let it all out. That's not to say that I didn't cry myself to sleep some nights, but it helped.

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




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    #4
    My boyfriend is stationed in Europe, has been there for awhile and will be there for the foreseeable future (and I'm here in the states), so I can understand what you're going through. I agree with the above statements... keeping busy is the biggest thing, and not feeling guilty about having to cry it out sometimes. It's human nature to be sad and lonely and upset through these times. My bf knows that I miss him terribly, and knows I occasionally deal with some tears (occasionally in front of him on Skype, too), but I don't feel he has a need to hear about the details.

    Here's some things that I do to help deal with it (that don't involve other people, I've always been a bit of a hermit and am not the type to go out socializing on a regular basis). Maybe one of these will be useful to you
    -Started watching one of his favorite shows (which is now one of my favorite shows too!). It provides two purposes, it gives me something new to watch and occupy my brain during down time, and it gives us another conversation topic that doesn't revolve around him being gone or the military in general.
    -Focusing on self betterment. Healthier eating, some exercise, taking a class, making myself be the best version of myself. Now that's not to say I don't have days that I eat chocolate for meals and refuse to put on real pants... but that's not even close to my norm. And it's about balance. Seriously though, giving myself the next X many months (before I see him next) to get in better shape and be as healthy as I can, it's a great focus.
    -Pets. I have a wonderful and goofy cat, and sometimes getting a string for her to play with is a great way to cheer me up, even just temporarily. If you don't have any pets or the means of getting one, perhaps volunteering at a shelter to walk the dogs or play with the cats or any other interaction that sounds appealing to you.

    There's a hole in your heart and extra time in your day when the one you love is far away from you. Finding things to help make those a little smaller is key.
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    #5
    Very good post... I need advice on this as well. I haven't even had to do a deployment yet with my DB yet but so far, even the field ops (1-3 weeks) can be tough. I feel like I am single when he is gone. I miss him terribly, but I try not to be too needy or let him see me emotional because he deals with enough stress and it only makes him feel guilty. UGH. This is tough. I always knew military partner life involved sacrifice, but now that I am in this boat myself, I cannot BELIEVE how tough it is. You ALL have my respect and admiration.
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    #6
    I am going through a very similar situation myself. My boyfriend left for his base again after 2 weeks of being on leave. The two weeks was absolutely perfect but the past 2 days I have been an absolute mess. Since the second he left, I was an absolute mess and I still am. I'm hoping things get better with time. I was upset every other time he left but this time, for some reason, is hitting me 10x harder. Any advice on how to keep busy would be great. My biggest issue is that I know I should keep busy but I literally feel as though I could lay in bed for a week and not move. I just feel empty without him.
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    #7
    I wouldn't say it gets easier but you just lean how to deal with it better. Its ok to have a few bad days when they first leave but after a while you have to put the big girls panties on and keep going. Its ok to fall down through the time they are gone. My husband just left for a wedding today and won't be back till tuesday night. Just me and the kids. While it sucks cause i have no backup now i just keep going. Oh i loved not having kids around when my husband was gone. Could go out with friends when ever i wanted, have a mess of crafts all over the house.....oh the days.
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    #8
    hi!! my boyfriend is in the army and will be leaving next week. I understand how difficult a situation like this is, and it sucks not having people to understand. Message me if you wanna talk! (:

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