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Thread: BF pcs'ing and i cant go

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    BF pcs'ing and i cant go

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    I am new here and do not fully understand some of the abbreviations that you all use so excuse me for not using the same words. Anyway, not even 2 weeks ago my bf got an email stating hes leaving for Germany. I have an 8 year old by another man and our custody keeps us from moving out of the 50 miles away from each other. My current bf (we have been together since feb 2015) knew this prior to us officially dating and I also knew that there was a possibility for psc'ing and deployments during our relationship. He has always made it seem like he would commit to the relationship regardless of where he is and has always been loving and understanding. Definitely the best guy i have ever met (even friend wise). With that being said, hes had two passed relationships go completely wrong during his time in service (one being an 8 yr marriage) and has now completely blocked me out as a protective state for himself. I do not know what to do. I just want to be with him, support him, ect and will wait forever for him as long as he is willing to do so for me. I have stressed so much in the last 11 days that i have inflammed ulcers causing extreme pain, i cant sleep, i cant eat, and have given him space by going to a family's home for a few days. If you are a spiritual person you'll understand this statement: he is completely flat, no ora and mine has become blurred. I am so lost but i am also extremely worried for him. I just dont know what to do if he isnt willing to continue this relationship.All i know that i can do is pray for him and for us.
  2. Pour a little salt, we were never here
    [his] lobster's Avatar
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Lathamb View Post
    I am new here and do not fully understand some of the abbreviations that you all use so excuse me for not using the same words. Anyway, not even 2 weeks ago my bf got an email stating hes leaving for Germany. I have an 8 year old by another man and our custody keeps us from moving out of the 50 miles away from each other. My current bf (we have been together since feb 2015) knew this prior to us officially dating and I also knew that there was a possibility for psc'ing and deployments during our relationship. He has always made it seem like he would commit to the relationship regardless of where he is and has always been loving and understanding. Definitely the best guy i have ever met (even friend wise). With that being said, hes had two passed relationships go completely wrong during his time in service (one being an 8 yr marriage) and has now completely blocked me out as a protective state for himself. I do not know what to do. I just want to be with him, support him, ect and will wait forever for him as long as he is willing to do so for me. I have stressed so much in the last 11 days that i have inflammed ulcers causing extreme pain, i cant sleep, i cant eat, and have given him space by going to a family's home for a few days. If you are a spiritual person you'll understand this statement: he is completely flat, no ora and mine has become blurred. I am so lost but i am also extremely worried for him. I just dont know what to do if he isnt willing to continue this relationship.All i know that i can do is pray for him and for us.
    I'm sorry you're having a hard time

    One thing that stuck out to me is that you mention he detaches to protect himself because previous relationships failed in similar scenarios. Despite what he says about why they failed or what his perception of them is, it could very well be that they failed because he detaches too much. Everyone is different, and some detachment can be considered normal but your description of him seems beyond what I would consider reasonable. I would let him know you need to talk about where you stand ASAP, and if he is still non responsive then make the choice for yourself to move on.

    Your pain, sleeping and eating seems really worrisome. I hope you find a way to take care of yourself physically and mentally, despite whatever he is doing/not doing.
  3. Fresh Newbie
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    I just dont want to be like everyone else (including family) and give on him. He deserves someone that will stick by his side. But at the same time if he is done he cant even say those words: im done. He can express feelings about the situations and different scenarios on how he may not be able to come back home and go from place to place before he retires, but wont actually say im done. I would feel more regret by giving up on him when he needed someone most and to just walk away completely without knowing if thats what he truly wants.

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