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Thread: He's been gone a month

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    #1

    He's been gone a month

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    I have heard from my bf 3 times in a month.. Once telling me he made it to Japan( first day he got there) 2 weeks later saying he's getting everything in order. I got upset and sent him a message staying that he needs to try harder to communicate with me more and he sent me a message a week and a half ago stating he agreed and is glad I'm being patient and he would call me when he finalizes his living arrangements at the end of last week.. I still haven't heard from him?.. Would I be in the wrong to wait another week and make the decision that he's just not trying and walk away from this. I mean he's been there a month he should be settled in by now.. Right? This is a newer relationship 6months in..
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    #2
    Wait is he just stationed in Japan? He has free access to phone/internet I'm assuming? I understand settling in can be stressful but if he's able to communicate with you and he's just choosing not to, there's no excuse. Unless he's super busy with training or communication is really spotty idk how he wouldn't be able to spare five minutes to send you an email.
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    He's just stationed there. I just don't understand why he would want me to wait for him, if he wont even take the time to communicate.. He's only doing a year and retiring..we communicate via the app line and for him to set up a new account he has to do it via a cell phone.. So he has a phone..
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by marcy123 View Post
    He's just stationed there. I just don't understand why he would want me to wait for him, if he wont even take the time to communicate.. He's only doing a year and retiring..we communicate via the app line and for him to set up a new account he has to do it via a cell phone.. So he has a phone..
    Yeah there's no excuse. I get that the time difference is probably difficult to navigate, he was busy settling in, etc etc but at the same time, doesn't he miss you? It seems like he has the option to talk to you, so why isn't he? That wouldn't be acceptable to me, personally. Especially after only six months.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by marcy123 View Post
    I have heard from my bf 3 times in a month.. Once telling me he made it to Japan( first day he got there) 2 weeks later saying he's getting everything in order. I got upset and sent him a message staying that he needs to try harder to communicate with me more and he sent me a message a week and a half ago stating he agreed and is glad I'm being patient and he would call me when he finalizes his living arrangements at the end of last week.. I still haven't heard from him?.. Would I be in the wrong to wait another week and make the decision that he's just not trying and walk away from this. I mean he's been there a month he should be settled in by now.. Right? This is a newer relationship 6months in..
    This thread explains what's been going on over the past month: havent heard from bf in over a week?? why?

    It honestly seems like he's making no effort. It's probably time to walk away.




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    I believe I'm going to give him til friday and tell him good luck with everything.. Especially, since I already told him that he needs to communicate more or just tell me to walk away if he doesn't have the time for a relationship. I just deserve better than what I'm getting.. I mean it's not like I'm sending all kinds of messages and being needy.. It just kinda sucks cause. I'm currently home bound to the couch due to a calf tear.so, keeping busy isn't an option at the moment..lol giving him another week and walking away sound like the right thing to do?
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by marcy123 View Post
    I believe I'm going to give him til friday and tell him good luck with everything.. Especially, since I already told him that he needs to communicate more or just tell me to walk away if he doesn't have the time for a relationship. I just deserve better than what I'm getting.. I mean it's not like I'm sending all kinds of messages and being needy.. It just kinda sucks cause. I'm currently home bound to the couch due to a calf tear.so, keeping busy isn't an option at the moment..lol giving him another week and walking away sound like the right thing to do?

    I am sorry this is happening to you. If he is this careless with your relationship, you deserve much better. I would definitely suggest walking away at this point.
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    I would walk away. You communicated your needs to him previously, he still doesn't seem to give a shit, so yeah. There's no excuse! He's in Japan. He has internet there. He isn't in a third world country deployed. It's not too much to ask to send you a message at least every other day. If I knew my DF had the possibility to contact me and chose not to, even after I told him how important it was to me, I would be done. I wouldn't sit around for a year hoping to hear from him every few weeks or whenever it's convenient for him.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Allybeth View Post
    I would walk away. You communicated your needs to him previously, he still doesn't seem to give a shit, so yeah. There's no excuse! He's in Japan. He has internet there. He isn't in a third world country deployed. It's not too much to ask to send you a message at least every other day. If I knew my DF had the possibility to contact me and chose not to, even after I told him how important it was to me, I would be done. I wouldn't sit around for a year hoping to hear from him every few weeks or whenever it's convenient for him.
    Sorry OP but
    "She knew she loved him when 'home' went from being a place to being a person."
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    I'm sorry, I am with everyone else. It took DB about two weeks to really get settled in Japan. By that time he had his living situation set up, cell phone, purchased a car, and was getting used to his unit and daily job. Obviously he was still figuring out the grocery store, exploring base, and all that stuff. Your boyfriends situation could be more difficult than what we experienced though. You guys are older right (no offense, we are too)? The reason I ask is because something we experienced was DB does things a certain way and he had two adult life decades of being 'single' and only really being accountable for himself. His needs/wants for regular communication were pretty low, so whenever he got busy I wouldn't hear from him for a few days. It took serious multiple conversations for him to really get it, that I needed something from him even if it was a one minute email. I don't want to say he was selfish, but yea he kind of was, and I felt unloved and unmissed at times. And I tried to be understanding to the point that I could. Just saying that this took some working through.

    It sounds like you already communicated to him what your expectations were, and he acknowledged them and just didn't follow through. I think you did what you could. I'm thinking he will likely act surprised when you end it, but one would think he should have seen it coming. You deserve have your thoughts and needs considered.
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