Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 34

Thread: havent heard from bf in over a week?? why?

  1. Regular Member
    marcy123's Avatar
    marcy123 is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    34
    #1

    havent heard from bf in over a week?? why?

    Advertisements
    I started seeing a military guy in Febuary. He was stationed in Hawaii and has visited me 3times. We have spent a lot of time on the phone. Some of my family has met him and love him to death. He was stationed in Japan on June 24th to serve out his last year in the miltary before retiring. He told me his phone would not work when he was there, which I understand. He messaged me letting me know he got there and he messaged me on the app "Line" saying he was trying to get everything in order. I have not heard from him in over a week. Should I be concerned? I emailed him yesterday with no response. Does it take time to get situated in Japan? He was stationed in Japan before for 5yrs. So, he should know his way around. Am I over reacting? Thank you for your help!!
  2. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is online now
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #2
    I do think you are over-reacting a bit. Moving overseas is pretty overwhelming. It can take a couple days just to set over the jet lag. He's going to likely need to buy a new phone, and get service set up, and he probably doesn't even have a driver's license or a car yet. Yes, he could get himself to a place where he could email, but that's likely not his priority, and he also needs to stay in touch with another people (like his family) in the limited time he gets. I'd wait at least another couple of days before being concerned. (I'm not sure how long "over a week" is, but I'm assuming 8-9 days.) After a few more days, you can assume that he's not really making it a priority, which may or may not be normal, expected, or accepted in a fairly new relationship. But moving to a foreign country is really hard, and there's a lot of running around to do in order to get settled in. Only you can decide how much of a priority you think you should be to him at this point, and what's acceptable to you. Because yes, surely he could have found a way if he wanted to, but he also has been busy. For me, the "if you cared you'd have made it happen" line would probably not be for about 10-12 days, especially in a young relationship where you haven't spent much time together.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  3. Senior Member
    Allybeth's Avatar
    Allybeth is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    730
    #3
    Just because he's been there before doesn't mean he is supposed to know his way around. He is most likely with a different command, things may have changed, etc. that being said, he's not in a third world country or deployed, so he should have access to wifi. We don't know why he hasn't reached out to you but I would give it a few more days.
  4. Regular Member
    marcy123's Avatar
    marcy123 is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    34
    #4
    Thank you for your respone. I'm not trying to be all needy or anything. This is just new to me and I don't know what to expect. It has been 9 days since I last talked to him. He probably is busy. I mean he took the time to contact me when he first got there.
  5. Regular Member
    marcy123's Avatar
    marcy123 is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    34
    #5
    Thank you for your response. All I can do is give it time. At what point should it be of concern? 2 weeks, 3weeks?
  6. Senior Member
    Allybeth's Avatar
    Allybeth is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    730
    #6
    What has your communication been like before? 9 days would be a long time for DF. He would find a way to communicate with me.
  7. Regular Member
    marcy123's Avatar
    marcy123 is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    34
    #7
    We talked everyday. when his time to depart became closer we didnt talk as much because he had a lot of stuff to pack and get ready. We still talked almost everyday.( he actually would zone out on the phone when we talked on the phone) He was here visiting me 4 days before he left. I may be over reacting ( very possible) but i'm also just trying to figure out what the norm is and at what point should it be of concern? I mean everything was good when he left, He even contacted me when he got there. But really I do realize that worrying about it doesnt change anything. At this point it just would have been nice to of had some kind of paln or some expectations from him on how it all works. I have noticed that he is kinda terrible at mulitytasking. He recently found out he had a different dad than he thought and went to visit them fro 2weeks. He was pretty distant while that was going on. Kinda a one task at a time person.. from what I have seen. He actually aplogized to me because he said it was so imporatant to him that he didn't think of me. Before he left on his last visit he said," that there has been a lot going on in the short period of time we have been seeing each other and he has been distracted and he feels bad about it and would understand if I didn't want to continue the relationship while he went to Japan. I asked him if that is what he wanted and he said absolutely not. sorry for thelong response.
  8. Senior Member
    Southern-queen's Avatar
    Southern-queen is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    35,924
    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by marcy123 View Post
    We talked everyday. when his time to depart became closer we didnt talk as much because he had a lot of stuff to pack and get ready. We still talked almost everyday.( he actually would zone out on the phone when we talked on the phone) He was here visiting me 4 days before he left. I may be over reacting ( very possible) but i'm also just trying to figure out what the norm is and at what point should it be of concern? I mean everything was good when he left, He even contacted me when he got there. But really I do realize that worrying about it doesnt change anything. At this point it just would have been nice to of had some kind of paln or some expectations from him on how it all works. I have noticed that he is kinda terrible at mulitytasking. He recently found out he had a different dad than he thought and went to visit them fro 2weeks. He was pretty distant while that was going on. Kinda a one task at a time person.. from what I have seen. He actually aplogized to me because he said it was so imporatant to him that he didn't think of me. Before he left on his last visit he said," that there has been a lot going on in the short period of time we have been seeing each other and he has been distracted and he feels bad about it and would understand if I didn't want to continue the relationship while he went to Japan. I asked him if that is what he wanted and he said absolutely not. sorry for thelong response.
    For ME, more than a week without a "hey I am ok, just super busy with little free time" if communication does not go back to normal is NOT acceptable to me. I don't need every day especially when they are overseas and just getting to a new command etc but once or twice a week with a touch base sort of message is required. To me that is not needy but part of being a good partner.
  9. Regular Member
    marcy123's Avatar
    marcy123 is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    34
    #9
    Do you think it's possible that he may have written me off? I don't understand why he would send me a message telling me he made it and was trying to get things in ordered. At what point do I realize that he may moved on? Im not trying to freak out over this. I just figure that were both adults and he could communicate to me on , if he's busy or what ever else it may be. Leaving me in lingo is kinda wrong in eyes.
  10. Senior Member
    Allybeth's Avatar
    Allybeth is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    730
    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Southern-queen View Post
    For ME, more than a week without a "hey I am ok, just super busy with little free time" if communication does not go back to normal is NOT acceptable to me. I don't need every day especially when they are overseas and just getting to a new command etc but once or twice a week with a touch base sort of message is required. To me that is not needy but part of being a good partner.
    That's where I'm at. I honestly can't even imagine my DF not talking to me for 9 days, unless it was a deployment where he couldn't. OP, he WAS able to text you through an app at one point, I don't understand why he doesn't use that app to check in with you every now and then. I think that if and when he contacts you, you should communicate your needs to him. Tell him that while you understand he's busy, to please message or email you every other day (or whatever you're comfortable with) and check in with you because that would mean a lot to you. If he still doesn't, well then you need to think about his unwillingness to meet your needs.
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •