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Thread: In Desperate Need of Advice / New Guy in Life

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Help In Desperate Need of Advice / New Guy in Life

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    Hi. My name is Megan and I'm totally new to this site but I was looking for a site to get advice and I found this which made me relieved! I'm in need of advice since I have really no clue about anything military related and mix that with a lack of relationship/dating experience makes this more stressful.

    So this will be long and thank you for anyone to reads this and/or offers any sort of advice. I truly appreciate it.

    Basically, I met a guy online this year and I really, really like him but find myself in a pickle right now due to certain circumstances which I will get to in a minute. He is stationed about two hours from me. Now we have NOT met in person yet. I honestly was taking things lightly because of meeting online, I didn't want to expect too much....When we first started talking he wanted to see me in person like only after a week but I was hesitant just because it was so new and it wasn't like he was only 10 minutes away. Additionally at the moment, I don't have a means of getting to him, so I didn't want him to feel obligated of him making the two hour trip to me.

    So I just was taking things day by day to see what would happen but we have kept talking through it all. I thought he'd lose interest or even me just because I didn't want to meet up right then, but we have been talking for FOUR months. I was not expecting this at all. I don't know where the time as gone. I find him to be so nice and just SO easy to talk to even though meeting in person could be a totally different experience and my idea of him could be so wrong. I get so happy though when we do get to talk throughout the day like he honestly makes me smile so big. Early on he has said he likes me so it leads me believe that things are good.

    However, the reason I'm here is because a week ago he told me that he has to go to Korea for a year and he leaves in three months plus when he's on leave before he goes, he'll be in another state where his family is.

    I've found myself so confused because I don't want to be forcing something that might not really be there and I don't know if I'm totally overreacting about all of this just because he is leaving and the timing of everything. But I feel myself pushing ahead on wanting to ask him if he'd be interested in meeting up before he leaves but i'm so nervous because I guess I don't want to feel let down. He has been really busy and I don't want him to feel like he needs to fit me into his schedule so he can make the trip to me.

    Its just so weird to think that we could go from talking EVERYDAY to him being on the other side of the world and communication will be different No matter what I'll still think about him regardless of what happens between us. Obviously, it can be done but a year is a REALLY long time and anything can happen. I've tried reading some of your experiences and it has helped!

    I guess this is just so new and I do care about him and I can't just not think about it because I guess you could say this is the first guy I've had real feelings for (despite not meeting in person) which trust me is crazy, I know because of how fast this is all happening. But I don't want to just give up. I mean I have other things going on in my life that I honestly should focus on and be rational about but he's still apart of this picture right now and I don't want to just abandon this.

    Do I just really tell him how I feel now instead of waiting before its too late and always wondering the 'what ifs'? It could be the case where he feels SO different about this and we lose touch over the next couple months because our lives go separate ways because thats just the reality of it.

    But if anyone could offer any advice and would you would/would not do I would SO greatly appreciate it.

    Thank you for reading this.
    Last edited by megs11; 05-22-2016 at 08:52 PM.
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    #2
    I always find that being upfront with people is the best so tell him your honest thought and see where it goes from there
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    #3
    Meet him in person soon, then decide.
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    I would meet up with him as soon as possible. I'm not sure what you have to lose by meeting him. Either your feelings are confirmed, or you realize it doesn't work in person. I don't see what would be bad about "rushing" that, assuming you are safe about it. Your right, you might feel let down or disappointed. That possibility exists whether you meet him now, or in 2 months or in a year. And it exists every time we go on a date or start talking to someone new. It might not work out. That's no reason not to give it a chance.

    Once that's over with, you can decide what you want or hope for, and then discuss it with him.

    Also, Korea is not a third world nation. He'll have internet so you can message and Skype and even call if you use FaceTime or some other app, in addition to email. The tough part will be the time zones, but it isn't like you'll need to go weeks or even days without communicating.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #5
    It would drive me crazy to not meet him before he leaves for that long. I say met him then make your decision.
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    Thank you all for the advice. I'm going to let him know my thoughts!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by megs11 View Post
    Hi. My name is Megan and I'm totally new to this site but I was looking for a site to get advice and I found this which made me relieved! I'm in need of advice since I have really no clue about anything military related and mix that with a lack of relationship/dating experience makes this more stressful.

    So this will be long and thank you for anyone to reads this and/or offers any sort of advice. I truly appreciate it.

    Basically, I met a guy online this year and I really, really like him but find myself in a pickle right now due to certain circumstances which I will get to in a minute. He is stationed about two hours from me. Now we have NOT met in person yet. I honestly was taking things lightly because of meeting online, I didn't want to expect too much....When we first started talking he wanted to see me in person like only after a week but I was hesitant just because it was so new and it wasn't like he was only 10 minutes away. Additionally at the moment, I don't have a means of getting to him, so I didn't want him to feel obligated of him making the two hour trip to me.

    So I just was taking things day by day to see what would happen but we have kept talking through it all. I thought he'd lose interest or even me just because I didn't want to meet up right then, but we have been talking for FOUR months. I was not expecting this at all. I don't know where the time as gone. I find him to be so nice and just SO easy to talk to even though meeting in person could be a totally different experience and my idea of him could be so wrong. I get so happy though when we do get to talk throughout the day like he honestly makes me smile so big. Early on he has said he likes me so it leads me believe that things are good.

    However, the reason I'm here is because a week ago he told me that he has to go to Korea for a year and he leaves in three months plus when he's on leave before he goes, he'll be in another state where his family is.

    I've found myself so confused because I don't want to be forcing something that might not really be there and I don't know if I'm totally overreacting about all of this just because he is leaving and the timing of everything. But I feel myself pushing ahead on wanting to ask him if he'd be interested in meeting up before he leaves but i'm so nervous because I guess I don't want to feel let down. He has been really busy and I don't want him to feel like he needs to fit me into his schedule so he can make the trip to me.

    Its just so weird to think that we could go from talking EVERYDAY to him being on the other side of the world and communication will be different No matter what I'll still think about him regardless of what happens between us. Obviously, it can be done but a year is a REALLY long time and anything can happen. I've tried reading some of your experiences and it has helped!

    I guess this is just so new and I do care about him and I can't just not think about it because I guess you could say this is the first guy I've had real feelings for (despite not meeting in person) which trust me is crazy, I know because of how fast this is all happening. But I don't want to just give up. I mean I have other things going on in my life that I honestly should focus on and be rational about but he's still apart of this picture right now and I don't want to just abandon this.

    Do I just really tell him how I feel now instead of waiting before its too late and always wondering the 'what ifs'? It could be the case where he feels SO different about this and we lose touch over the next couple months because our lives go separate ways because thats just the reality of it.

    But if anyone could offer any advice and would you would/would not do I would SO greatly appreciate it.

    Thank you for reading this.
    I've been living in Korea for eight years now and honestly, he can call you every day if he chooses. And for free, if he downloads an app called Oto.
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    #8
    I'm currently in a simular state as you. I met a guy online and we hit it off with so much in common. We talked for 2 months before he came to visit me. Once that happened the connection was much stronger.He has visited me 3 times coming all the way from Hawaii each time! He recently got stationed in Japan for his last year before he retires. It has been ruff going through the process. I have only talked to him through messaging once since June 24th. so, it's been 10 days since we have coomunicated. I would say meet the guy and figure out what both your expectations are. Me and my bf had this convo and decided to be exclusive to each other, even though the words I love you have not been used yet. I'm trying to take it day by day since this is a new relationship. Nothing is ever set in stone and all we can do is continue our lives and stay busy. The uncertainty of a new relationship while one is still trying to learn and trust someone new in our lives is hard , but CRAZY difficult when you start off with them leaving over seas. You can talk to me anytime. Our situations are pretty much the same.

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