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Thread: Long Distance Advice

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    #1

    Smile Long Distance Advice

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    Hi-

    My DB is PCSing to South Korea on Friday, and I was looking for a little advice on (very) long distance relationships. When he was in Virginia, it took a little adjusting for the first month but we got used to it! Korea is obviously much farther away and is a 15 hour time difference. I realize it's going to take some time to adjust and figure out what kind of communication works for us, but I'm willing to take the time to figure it out! He won't be deployed while he's over there since Korea is already considered hazardous duty, so he'll have access to phone/computers/letters or really almost anything.

    So I'm really just wondering if anyone has advice on how to manage being that far apart, or if there was anything else that helped you communicate with your significant other (like Skype, Facetime, What'sApp, etc.). I realize it'll be an adjustment to figure out what works for us, but looking for some suggestions!
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    #2
    Honestly, just figuring out a routine is what's going to make your world go round. My partner and I haven't had a 15 hour time difference yet but we've done everything from a 1-10 hour time difference and the key was always to find a way to create a routine. Skype is our video chat method of choice, and we normally rely on Skype to chat as well. For his deployment, I've sent him letters quite a bit, along with care packages, drawings, etc. It really brightens his day to get hand-made stuff from me.

    The other part of surviving long distance is having a plan for when you'll next see each other. Even if it's a year away, having an end date where you know you'll see him again will make it all bearable!
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    #3
    I don't think I can properly give too much advice for a 15 hour time difference, since I only deal with a 3 hours difference, but DG and I have found what Ziah said really useful: Always have a plan for the next time you'll see each other. Always have a countdown. Even if it changes or saving money for travel seems lofty for your goal date.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by kat_0615 View Post
    Hi-

    My DB is PCSing to South Korea on Friday, and I was looking for a little advice on (very) long distance relationships. When he was in Virginia, it took a little adjusting for the first month but we got used to it! Korea is obviously much farther away and is a 15 hour time difference. I realize it's going to take some time to adjust and figure out what kind of communication works for us, but I'm willing to take the time to figure it out! He won't be deployed while he's over there since Korea is already considered hazardous duty, so he'll have access to phone/computers/letters or really almost anything.

    So I'm really just wondering if anyone has advice on how to manage being that far apart, or if there was anything else that helped you communicate with your significant other (like Skype, Facetime, What'sApp, etc.). I realize it'll be an adjustment to figure out what works for us, but looking for some suggestions!
    Me and DH have done a 6 hour difference, a 8 hour difference and 7 hour difference. I have really close friends in Japan as well and really does just take getting into a schedule but also remembering to be flexible. FaceTime and iMessage have been real life savers for us. It helps us stay connected even if one is getting up when the other is going to bed. I also send cards randomly just to let him know that he's thought about when I'm out shopping or whatever as well. I also found an app (Voxofon) that allows me to buy tokens and text his phone in Bahrain. We only use that for important messages and I've called his Bahrain phone in an emergency as well.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by ziah View Post
    Honestly, just figuring out a routine is what's going to make your world go round. My partner and I haven't had a 15 hour time difference yet but we've done everything from a 1-10 hour time difference and the key was always to find a way to create a routine. Skype is our video chat method of choice, and we normally rely on Skype to chat as well. For his deployment, I've sent him letters quite a bit, along with care packages, drawings, etc. It really brightens his day to get hand-made stuff from me.

    The other part of surviving long distance is having a plan for when you'll next see each other. Even if it's a year away, having an end date where you know you'll see him again will make it all bearable!


    I agree with this, however, I'm not a big letter writer so I rarely if ever hand write a letter. Be careful with the area I made bold. I agree having a time frame in mind provides some sense of where you are in the process but NEVER build your hopes up on an exact end date. I have been crushed more than once. I live by the theory that when I'm hugging him he is home.

    Overall try and stay positive, recognize you are going to have rough periods (it's ok), communication will not always be on the perfect schedule for either of you so be flexible. Ohhhh and one other thing, sleep with your phone on your pillow.
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    #6
    You have to find a time to communicate. It'll take time to find that common ground, but it's going to be the most important thing. You need to communicate just as if he were still in Virginia. It's going to be difficult, and I'm sure you'll have to remind yourself, and him, to be patient as you both adjust. But you can definitely do it.

    Totally agree with the other ladies as well!
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    #7
    You will have to discuss when you can communicate and how you are going to communicate. Face Time/iMessage are our favorite method of communication. Trust me, it's going to be like you are living in two different time zones! The best advice I can give you is to keep your phone with you at all times because when you do miss that call - it's going to hurt and you'll end up mad at yourself! ( been there, done that).

    I know it sounds weird, but I used to set an alarm in the middle of the night so I would wake up before he called. Yes, it was exhausting to be awake in the middle of the night, but somehow it was quite comforting to hear his voice before I fell back to sleep. That's when you feel like you are living in two different time zones. We would also write letters - very infrequently, but once in a while to get a hand written letter in the mail was extra special!

    Once you get in the groove of regular communication you will fall into a new routine that will suddenly become familiar. It's doable .... it's just a roll with the punches type of thing! And yes, I sleep with my phone and my iPad...
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Curious_Nicole View Post
    : Ohhhh and one other thing, sleep with your phone on your pillow.
    Definitely a good thing I had my phone on my pillow when he called at 6am my time a couple days ago. It's the only time I'm ok with being woken up that early lol
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    #9
    OH OH OH!! When my husband was over in Germany, we used an app called LINE. It's a internet based texting (and calling) app that has super cute stickers and games too. We would Skype and play online games together as well. My husband and I met and dated online since I was 13ish or so. So our relationship was long distance for about 7 years before actually being together. We also had Facebook and Tumblr and Twitter. Since it's nice to be able to just see how things are going when you can't talk.
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    #10
    Hi Kat

    It's great that you have the patience and willingness to work out a solution. I am sure you guys will find something that works for you. I am not military, so I hope you don't mind me posting here. But I started a blog recently based on my own experience of a LDR, and I do get a lot of feedback from military spouses, so I think it's something that helps people. If you're interested, the link to my blog is:
    Survive LDR - A Women's Guide to Survive Long-distance Relationships, there's loads of advice and articles on there.

    Wishing you the best of luck with everything!
    Jx
    Last edited by Jeny; 05-19-2016 at 05:50 AM.
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