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Thread: Is 4 Months to Early?

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    #1

    Love Is 4 Months to Early?

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    When I finally get to see my sailor next, it will be 4 months since we've started dating. I can't picture my life with anyone but him, when I am able to talk to him, which is not that often as he's very busy preparing for his deployment in June. I can't help but smile, my heart constantly does flips and I always get butterflies. Basically every conversation we have, I fall in love with him all over again, and get the same feelings I got the day he asked me to be his girl. I know that men are usually the one who propose to the women, but I am at the point where I don't want to look any further, I am pretty satisfied with him and what we've got so far. He hasn't met my parents yet, just as I haven't met his yet. But I know that parents want their child to be happy, and I am VERY happy with him. So when I see him in less than a month (I love how I can FINALLY say that) I want to see what his thoughts are about the idea. But if I were to ask, as awkward as sounds to me about a women asking a man to marry her. Do you all think that 4 months is to early? I would want to ask him then, before he leave for a 6 month deployment in June.
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    #2
    Have you met in person before?
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Sabrina22LE View Post
    Have you met in person before?
    Yes, we have met in person.
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    #4
    you should probably discuss the idea of marriage with your significant other rather than us. He's the one who can tell you if 4 months is too early.


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    #5
    To me, four months is a bit fast, but if you feel that you are prepared then it is your decision to make. I would discuss the idea of marriage before proposing or anything like that. Personally I would want to spend quite a bit of time together in person just to make sure you two are compatible, things can be very different online than they are in person.
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    I'd say for some people, 4 months is extremely too early. For others, not at all. My parents knew they were going to get married after 3 months (although didn't get engaged until 9). I have been dating my SO for almost 2 years and we're not quite ready for it yet, but we're headed there. I would say it depends on you and your history. Look at your past relationships, how long they lasted, how you felt at the beginning of them, what makes this one different. Typically, 4 months is still the "honeymoon" stage, where everything is wonderful. I've learned not to trust that feeling. I dated two people for a year who I felt very strongly for at the beginning, but with time that faded and I realized we weren't actually great together at all, and had mildly unhealthy relationships (So now I have a rule to date someone for more than a year before I'd be comfortable trusting my feelings. That's just how long it is for me). So only you can know how this relationship is for you (and hopefully you have some idea of where he's at too). I'd also consider the distance as a factor. I have discovered (being in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years) that it's very easy to idolize and romanticize your partner, and then you spend some time with them, remember they're human and annoy you sometimes and readjust your perspective and hopefully love them more authentically for that. So just see if you're loving him for who he is, or who he has become in your mind. Also, consider why the rush? I totally understand that he's going to be leaving for 6 months and that puts some pressure on the time you have together, but just be cautious of not getting engaged now because of that.
    As far as you proposing to him, I don't know him so I don't know how he'd take that. I know my SO wouldn't really jive with that (kind of how women dream of their wedding day, some men dream of proposing), but other guys may be totally cool with it.

    What I'm trying to say with all of that is that it's something between the two of you. You know you, none of us here do. So I just offer some questions to consider from my experiences that you can use or discard at your will! Either way, best of luck to the both of you. I hope this all works out and you continue to stay this happy together!
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    Quote Originally Posted by oinkpig329 View Post
    I'd say for some people, 4 months is extremely too early. For others, not at all. My parents knew they were going to get married after 3 months (although didn't get engaged until 9). I have been dating my SO for almost 2 years and we're not quite ready for it yet, but we're headed there. I would say it depends on you and your history. Look at your past relationships, how long they lasted, how you felt at the beginning of them, what makes this one different. Typically, 4 months is still the "honeymoon" stage, where everything is wonderful. I've learned not to trust that feeling. I dated two people for a year who I felt very strongly for at the beginning, but with time that faded and I realized we weren't actually great together at all, and had mildly unhealthy relationships (So not I have a rule to date someone for more than a year before I'd be comfortable trusting my feelings. That's just how long it is for me). So only you can know how this relationship is for you (and hopefully you have some idea of where he's at too). I'd also consider the distance as a factor. I have discovered (being in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years) that it's very easy to idolize and romanticize your partner, and then you spend some time with them, remember they're human and annoy you sometimes and readjust your perspective and hopefully love them more authentically for that. So just see if you're loving him for who he is, or who he has become in your mind. Also, consider why the rush? I totally understand that he's going to be leaving for 6 months and that puts some pressure on the time you have together, but just be cautious of not getting engaged now because of that.
    As far as you proposing to him, I don't know him so I don't know how he'd take that. I know my SO wouldn't really jive with that (kind of how women dream of their wedding day, some men dream of proposing), but other guys may be totally cool with it.

    What I'm trying to say with all of that is that it's something between the two of you. You know you, none of us here do. So I just offer some questions to consider from my experiences that you can use or discard at your will! Either way, best of luck to the both of you. I hope this all works out and you continue to stay this happy together!
    Yes! My mom knew she was going to marry my dad after their second date and know they've been happily together for nearly 26 years!
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    #8
    I'm not going to pass judgement on whether or not 4 months is too early, but, before anyone starts asking someone to marry, you as a couple need to have some very clear mature discussions. Marriage is not just sliding a ring over someones finger and riding off happy and in love into the sunset.

    There needs to be discussions about wants in life, finances, potential children, responsibilities in the relationship. Once the honeymoon is over there is a lot of work that goes into building a relationship and keeping it strong. You need to understand how each other feels about these aspects of life and relationships.
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    Thanks, I was planning on talking to him about this. I just wanted to hear some feedback from you all. You all are exactly right, it all depends on us and as of now, I feel like I rushing things and that is not what I want to do. So after reading all of your thoughts, I think I'll let him make the move when he is ready, even if it's a year or two down the road.
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    Quote Originally Posted by snordwall View Post
    When I finally get to see my sailor next, it will be 4 months since we've started dating. I can't picture my life with anyone but him, when I am able to talk to him, which is not that often as he's very busy preparing for his deployment in June. I can't help but smile, my heart constantly does flips and I always get butterflies. Basically every conversation we have, I fall in love with him all over again, and get the same feelings I got the day he asked me to be his girl. I know that men are usually the one who propose to the women, but I am at the point where I don't want to look any further, I am pretty satisfied with him and what we've got so far. He hasn't met my parents yet, just as I haven't met his yet. But I know that parents want their child to be happy, and I am VERY happy with him. So when I see him in less than a month (I love how I can FINALLY say that) I want to see what his thoughts are about the idea. But if I were to ask, as awkward as sounds to me about a women asking a man to marry her. Do you all think that 4 months is to early? I would want to ask him then, before he leave for a 6 month deployment in June.
    Quote Originally Posted by snordwall View Post
    Thanks, I was planning on talking to him about this. I just wanted to hear some feedback from you all. You all are exactly right, it all depends on us and as of now, I feel like I rushing things and that is not what I want to do. So after reading all of your thoughts, I think I'll let him make the move when he is ready, even if it's a year or two down the road.
    I think that most couples have had discussions about the future and marriage before someone proposes. A proposal out of the blue without ever having that serious discussion would be weird. But, if you have feelings about marriage now, then I don't see why you have to wait for him to make the move to talk about it. I guess I'm all for being open and honest. That doesn't mean you're going to get married right now but at least you'll know where he stands. Do you think he's as serious about you as you are about him?

    That being said, I brought up marriage to DH before our 3 month mark. I felt I knew him pretty well at that point and we were on the same page. We were young (both 18 at the time) and naive and our primary motivation to rush into marriage was so that we could live together because we couldn't stand long distance. That is NOT a good reason to rush. So if that's you main reason then I really think you should wait.

    Let things happen organically and trust your gut.




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