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  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Sad Help!

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    My boyfriend is in the Air Force and we have been together for about a year now. We spend every single moment together and are the best of friends. We have been through so much together. This morning my sweet boy left for basic training in Texas. I can't text or call him, and it just feels so different. My life feels empty! I know I will get used to the change, but did anyone else feel so awful and sad and emotional after their SO left? My boyfriend is gone for six months, and I just want to stay positive. Everyone keeps telling me that LDRs never work, but I really hope they're wrong.
  2. 1/2 hippie, 1/2 diva... all Jersey
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by dolezlau View Post
    My boyfriend is in the Air Force and we have been together for about a year now. We spend every single moment together and are the best of friends. We have been through so much together. This morning my sweet boy left for basic training in Texas. I can't text or call him, and it just feels so different. My life feels empty! I know I will get used to the change, but did anyone else feel so awful and sad and emotional after their SO left? My boyfriend is gone for six months, and I just want to stay positive. Everyone keeps telling me that LDRs never work, but I really hope they're wrong.

    I think it's normal to feel a little off, and sad after your SO leaves for an extended period of time. The big key for me is to have other things in my life to focus on during the separation. DH and I are basically living apart for the next 12-18 months. I'm pouring a lot of energy into my work, and I just joined a gym and got a personal trainer to help me get in kick ass shape. During his last deployment, I trained for a half-marathon (from like, not being able to run a mile), and was in graduate school.

    As much as I miss DH when we're separated, I know that staying busy is healthier for me, and it gives me interesting things to talk to him about when we do get to talk and/or write letters.

    www.SnarkyFit.com
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    #3
    Yeah, it's the first day he's gone so I think it's totally normal to be upset. But try not to wallow for too long. The most important thing to do while he's gone is to stay busy. It'll keep you distracted and the time will go by much faster. After a few weeks (usually close to the 3 week mark) you'll start to get letters and things will get so much easier. And after boot, when he's at MOS school, the communication becomes so much easier because he'll be working normal hours and have access to his cell phone.

    I was in an LDR with DH (then DB) for the first full year of his enlistment (boot - C School) and it was also the first year of our relationship. It definitely challenged us but we made it through and you can too! Just stay busy and focus on communication (which more applies to after boot when communication isn't as limited).




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    #4
    Start writing to him immediately, keeping him up to date with what is happening in your life and how you feel. Communication is going to help both of you. Even if you can't mail them...keep writing.

    As others have said now is the time to make this journey something positive. Find something, whether it be a hobby, a craft, school, a new workout. Grab on to something you always wanted to do and jump into it. Not only will it keep you busy and your mind occupied he will love hearing about your progress.

    If you have supportive friends it's great, but realize that many of your friends are just not going to understand what you are going through. You will find a lot of support here. Feel free to message me anytime .... You can do this!
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    #5
    The beginning is the hardest part. It's perfectly normal to be upset and missing him. You'll hear a lot of "stay busy" but that is seriously an important thing. It'll give your mind less time to wander and the time will fly by. Before you know it he will be done with basic and you will be able to talk on a regular basis.

    Long distance relationships are hard. But just because it didn't work out for some people doesn't mean it won't work out for you. Don't listen to the negative things people say about it. It's your relationship and only you know what will work best for you and your DB.

    It's hard, but you can get through this!
  6. Regular Member
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by dolezlau View Post
    My boyfriend is in the Air Force and we have been together for about a year now. We spend every single moment together and are the best of friends. We have been through so much together. This morning my sweet boy left for basic training in Texas. I can't text or call him, and it just feels so different. My life feels empty! I know I will get used to the change, but did anyone else feel so awful and sad and emotional after their SO left? My boyfriend is gone for six months, and I just want to stay positive. Everyone keeps telling me that LDRs never work, but I really hope they're wrong.
    Have a big internet hug. The first few days are just the worst. When my partner left for his deployment I cried and cried for days afterwards, I was pretty unstable right up until he was able to start communicating with me regularly. Literally EVERYTHING made me cry - movies, songs, waking up in the morning, walking past a store display of his favorite energy drinks... I'm not joking when I said everything

    As previous posters have said, a big thing you can do to feel a bit more connected to him is to start writing him letters. I sit down at the end of every day and write a page or so about what happened that day - everything from the weather to stupid shit that made me laugh to telling him how much I love him. Then, when you get his address you can pack up all the letters and send them to him at once. Creating new routines to fill the space he left behind will help a lot, too.

    I've been at it with the LDR thing for a year, and it's still working for me and my partner! As long as you guys maintain a healthy relationship and have a plan to end the distance, there's no reason it can't work out for you
  7. Regular Member
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by dolezlau View Post
    My boyfriend is in the Air Force and we have been together for about a year now. We spend every single moment together and are the best of friends. We have been through so much together. This morning my sweet boy left for basic training in Texas. I can't text or call him, and it just feels so different. My life feels empty! I know I will get used to the change, but did anyone else feel so awful and sad and emotional after their SO left? My boyfriend is gone for six months, and I just want to stay positive. Everyone keeps telling me that LDRs never work, but I really hope they're wrong.
    You will be okay There's nothing wrong with feeling sad and emotional; my (now) husband and I were the same way (and still are) when he leaves for something for an extended period of time. People would ask me all the time how we were going to make it work when he moved to where we both are now. It was a little discouraging because sometimes I felt like people were doubting our relationship, but in the end, it isn't up to them to make it work, it's up to you two. I know this sounds cliche, but if you guys are committed enough and have good communication and trust, you can make it through. I agree with the other ladies here; stay busy! Take up a hobby if you don't have one already! I know it's hard, but keeping busy definitely helps

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