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Thread: Long Distance Why So Hard?

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    #1

    Confused Long Distance Why So Hard?

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    I've been with my boyfriend for two months. I was suppose to spend this week with him as its my Spring Break, but he ended up having to work. I now am hoping that they will let him come home in May, before they ship him out in June for a 6 month deployment. We have a 1,300 mile gap between us and it takes us both over 19 hours to get to one another. Why is this so hard to get used too and will it get any easier? No one ever told me how hard the distance is and I am missing him like crazy.
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    #2
    I've never been in a long distance relationship, so I can't day I understand. I do know what it's like to spend time apart due to work for weeks at a time and how last minute the plans you longed for and looked forward to can change. Do your best and follow your heart. Stay busy (I know it seems ridiculous to hear that!) with a hobby, your friends, the gym, anything! Hear to chat if you want too
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    #3
    Long distance is VERY difficult because as human beings we are social and want to be around those we love. While I've never had a long distance relationship I've survived deployments separated by thousands of miles and different time zones.... while I never got used to the distance, I did find a new routine and ways to occupy my mind while he was gone.

    I do hope he gets to come home before his deployment. Stay strong!
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    I don't think it ever gets easier, but you can find ways that work for you to deal with distance. I was only dating my DB for a few months because he left for training and we have been long distance since, that was eight years ago. *Geeze has it really been that long* Sometimes our distance was only a three hour drive and other times it was the other side of the world. The three years he spent in Oki were definitely the hardest. Some of the things that helped me 1) writing letters and sending care packages, I think in the age of Skype and email there is still something about getting an actual letter in the mail, 2) sometimes talking less is better than talking more, when you spend a lot of time apart sometimes you are only talking about what you had for lunch and can't find anything else to say and it makes you question your relationship and can lead to fights, 3) get your stuff done, like finish school or get in shape, just spend the time apart making yourself better, 4) try to always keep definitive plans to see one another, even if Christmas is five months away just having it on the calendar gives you something to look forward to, 5) respect what the other is doing at the time, if I have a huge assignment for work DB will give the space, and if he is super stressed with a work thing I will try really hard to not act like a crazy person and bring up stupid stuff that stresses him out more, and 6) seek comfort from family and friends who understand what you going through, which brings me to how amazing a website like this can be because you are going through similar things and people can relate. I have good intentioned friends who would say they totally understood what I was going through because her husband traveled for work (i.e. like three days out of the month).
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by snordwall View Post
    I've been with my boyfriend for two months. I was suppose to spend this week with him as its my Spring Break, but he ended up having to work. I now am hoping that they will let him come home in May, before they ship him out in June for a 6 month deployment. We have a 1,300 mile gap between us and it takes us both over 19 hours to get to one another. Why is this so hard to get used too and will it get any easier? No one ever told me how hard the distance is and I am missing him like crazy.
    I could have written this exact post years ago!
    DH and I had only been dating a couple of months before he enlisted. We spent the first year of our relationship and his enlistment apart and he was always stationed halfway across the country. Oh, and I definitely know what it's like to get your hopes up only for the military to step in and squash your plans. I'll be honest, long distance fucking sucks. Staying busy is the only way to get through it and PaUSMC pretty much covered everything I would have told you. One thing I'll add is that communication is so very important in an LDR. Try to be patient and understanding. Also, be clear on what your needs are.

    You can do this. We're here if you need support.




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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by PaUSMC View Post
    I don't think it ever gets easier, but you can find ways that work for you to deal with distance. I was only dating my DB for a few months because he left for training and we have been long distance since, that was eight years ago. *Geeze has it really been that long* Sometimes our distance was only a three hour drive and other times it was the other side of the world. The three years he spent in Oki were definitely the hardest. Some of the things that helped me 1) writing letters and sending care packages, I think in the age of Skype and email there is still something about getting an actual letter in the mail, 2) sometimes talking less is better than talking more, when you spend a lot of time apart sometimes you are only talking about what you had for lunch and can't find anything else to say and it makes you question your relationship and can lead to fights, 3) get your stuff done, like finish school or get in shape, just spend the time apart making yourself better, 4) try to always keep definitive plans to see one another, even if Christmas is five months away just having it on the calendar gives you something to look forward to, 5) respect what the other is doing at the time, if I have a huge assignment for work DB will give the space, and if he is super stressed with a work thing I will try really hard to not act like a crazy person and bring up stupid stuff that stresses him out more, and 6) seek comfort from family and friends who understand what you going through, which brings me to how amazing a website like this can be because you are going through similar things and people can relate. I have good intentioned friends who would say they totally understood what I was going through because her husband traveled for work (i.e. like three days out of the month).
    I totally agree 100%. My husband and I have been long distance since day 1 and was part of why we had ended things years and years before when I was still active. It gets easier and staying busy helps SO much! There will be times when it is harder and than others but reaching out at those times can help them be not so difficult.
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    #7
    My partner and I are long distance when he's stateside (for now!!) We've been at it for almost a year. It absolutely sucks and it does not get better, if anything, it only gets harder as your relationship becomes deeper and more intimate. The only thing that gets us through it is a.) always knowing when we're going to see each other next, and b.) having a plan to close the distance. When he's not deployed, I fly out and we see each other every time he gets a 4-day weekend. This is expensive, but it is worth it to see each other on a semi-frequent basis. He obviously comes home every block leave and we spend that together. We plan to move in together immediately once he gets his DD-214 in a couple of years, and then beyond that have normal couple plans like marriage, house, kids. Knowing that there's an end date and focusing on our future is what makes the struggle of being separated worth it!
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    #8
    I don't think it will get easier just manageable. Make the most of the most of your communication when you can and be honest. Long distance relationships aren't for everyone, but if you're committed to making things work...well if you are both committed to making it work...be sure to exercise patience and realize that you will have both good and bad days. Having hobbies and commitments outside of the relationship also helps.
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    #9
    It really depends on each individual's needs and whether you think he's worth the wait until you guys can start living together. Humans are social beings and usually crave physical closeness with others so it can be very hard. Personally, I thought that I would be able to handle an LDR when I was single, but now that I have lived with DF, it's really hard when he's just gone for deployment or TDY or something... I can't really imagine him living in another place without plans to live together soon. I guess LDR is not for me.
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    #10
    Unfortunately, for most being apart from their significant other is very difficult. I want to say it will get easier to a degree but you will have moments where you miss him so much and other times when it won't be that way. My boyfriend have been together just over a year. I don't get to see him every weekend I have off and same for him. Sometimes he has put in leave which has to be approved by his commander. There are ways that you two can be together but not face to face such as skype which has helped me and my boyfriend. We write letters to each other and such.
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