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Thread: Does distance help in an LDR?

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    #1

    Does distance help in an LDR?

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    Hello, everyone.
    I'm just not sure what to feel, think, do anymore. I've been in a long distance relationship for 9 months with my boyfriend and he's just been acting pretty distant. This isn't our first go around since I was with him 3 years ago. We lasted a year and a half and it resulted in him growing distant after I moved acrossed the country for him. It was stupid on my part but I wanted to be closer and I thought maybe being in the same state would make a difference but it didn't. He's been pretty stressed about work, which I understand but everytime he's stressed, he doesn't bother to call or text and I'm the one that has to make an effort. I just like to check on him and see how he's doing but I guess that's not good on my part either because then he says I can't go a day or so without hearing from him. He's distant all the time now, he answers my calls and we talk but it would be nice to get at least a text or something but nothing most days. And it doesn't help that he's supposed to be going in the field for a month soon and we barely talk now. Plus he was just in the field for a week not too long ago. He gets out and still distant and I'm trying hard to give him his space but I don't know how to without worrying. When I moved to NC, he pretty much went in the field for two weeks supposedly and he never called me before or after he got out and after not hearing from him for about a month I assumed the relationship was over. And when we got back together he said at the time, he shut down and he didn't want to be bothered with anyone. I just feel like he's doing it again and I don't know what to do. He also mentioned that his way of breaking up is just NO CONTACt and he says he loves me but I just don't feel loved.
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    #2
    It sounds like he isn't meeting your needs, you've told him that, and he's unwilling to change.

    The path forward seems clear, if I were in your shoes. I'm sorry.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    It sounds like he isn't meeting your needs, you've told him that, and he's unwilling to change.

    The path forward seems clear, if I were in your shoes. I'm sorry.
    This. It hurts but when somebody wants to be with you, you won't have to guess. He's telling you all you need to know.
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    Yeah you guys right
    I guess there's nothing I can do
    I've tried reaching out and I've tried to be as supporitve as possible
    And I can't make someone change if a person is just unhappy with their life
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    This. It hurts but when somebody wants to be with you, you won't have to guess. He's telling you all you need to know.

    I completely agree. Distance or crazy schedules should not matter. If someone loves you for you, they make time at least to text and let you know they are thinking of you. It is alwasy wasier on the outside looking in, but waiting around for Mr. Right Now might put you out of touch with Mr. Right! Good luck lady!
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    Quote Originally Posted by LXMLUV90 View Post
    Hello, everyone.
    I'm just not sure what to feel, think, do anymore. I've been in a long distance relationship for 9 months with my boyfriend and he's just been acting pretty distant. This isn't our first go around since I was with him 3 years ago. We lasted a year and a half and it resulted in him growing distant after I moved acrossed the country for him. It was stupid on my part but I wanted to be closer and I thought maybe being in the same state would make a difference but it didn't. He's been pretty stressed about work, which I understand but everytime he's stressed, he doesn't bother to call or text and I'm the one that has to make an effort. I just like to check on him and see how he's doing but I guess that's not good on my part either because then he says I can't go a day or so without hearing from him. He's distant all the time now, he answers my calls and we talk but it would be nice to get at least a text or something but nothing most days. And it doesn't help that he's supposed to be going in the field for a month soon and we barely talk now. Plus he was just in the field for a week not too long ago. He gets out and still distant and I'm trying hard to give him his space but I don't know how to without worrying. When I moved to NC, he pretty much went in the field for two weeks supposedly and he never called me before or after he got out and after not hearing from him for about a month I assumed the relationship was over. And when we got back together he said at the time, he shut down and he didn't want to be bothered with anyone. I just feel like he's doing it again and I don't know what to do. He also mentioned that his way of breaking up is just NO CONTACt and he says he loves me but I just don't feel loved.
    I did the LDR thing for a year and it's hard but it was never like that. If he loved you then he'd make time for you, and you wouldn't have to constantly guess where your relationship stands.

    Go with your gut. I think you know what you need to do.
    Last edited by idratherbehiking; 03-12-2016 at 07:07 PM. Reason: typo




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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by LXMLUV90 View Post
    Yeah you guys right
    I guess there's nothing I can do
    I've tried reaching out and I've tried to be as supporitve as possible
    And I can't make someone change if a person is just unhappy with their life
    That is exactly right




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    #8
    I have to agree with everyone. My husband is 8 hours ahead of me and works crazy hours in his time zone let alone compared to mine but I never have to wonder or worry (well I worry about his safety but that's different ).

    You said it yourself when you said you can't make someone change. It might really suck especially since this isn't the first time to happen between the two of you... but you shouldn't ever have to question or wonder if you are loved by someone. And remember actions speak louder than words...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckeye14 View Post
    I have to agree with everyone. My husband is 8 hours ahead of me and works crazy hours in his time zone let alone compared to mine but I never have to wonder or worry (well I worry about his safety but that's different ).

    You said it yourself when you said you can't make someone change. It might really suck especially since this isn't the first time to happen between the two of you... but you shouldn't ever have to question or wonder if you are loved by someone. And remember actions speak louder than words...
    Yeah, you're right. Actions do speak louder than words. I'm just not sure how I should break up with him. Should I just stop contacting him altogether? or talk over the phone? I've tried to before and he told me that relationships are going to have their ups and downs and I agree but I don't know how long I'm supposed to wait until a person stops taking their stress of work out on me. I'm not even in the same state, we barely talk and if the people that's under him isn't doing their job at work, that means I'm not getting a phone call or text. I feel like with him being an NCO now, there's always going to be stress and problems but that shouldn't affect our relationship. I can understand if he's deployed or in the field but he isn't. He has plenty of time to have no contact with me IMO.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    I did the LDR thing for a year and it's hard but it was never like that. If he loved you then he'd make time for you, and you wouldn't have to constantly guess where your relationship stands.

    Go with your gut. I think you know what you need to do.


    "She knew she loved him when 'home' went from being a place to being a person."
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