Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: I'm new to this.

  1. Fresh Newbie
    navywife101's Avatar
    navywife101 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    4
    #1

    I'm new to this.

    Advertisements
    Hello, my name is Nicole. I am currently away from my husband atm. We are in two different states. We got married Septemeber 1 of 2015 and still live seperatly, although he gets out less than a year. I have a daughter from a previous relationship (not marriage), that causes me not being able to move. Shortly after getting married, we found out we were expecting. Since then I feel as though my life has changed drastically. I care for our home while he's away. But, since we have got married and I'm pregnant being away from him seems harder than ever and we have never even full fledgedly lived together. Our baby girl is due end of May and he deploys in October. I raised my last daughter alone as well, my emotions are crazy because I am once again going to be alone ( of course not his fault ). I just didn't intend on this happening and I'm wondering some things to do while he's away. He has many underways following deployment. Is pregnancy hormones making this worse? I'm scared of how I'm going to do when he comes home for the baby and then leaves and shortly later deploys. My heart hurts. 😓
  2. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #2
    I'm sorry you are struggling. It does sound like you have a lot going on.

    No one can really tell you if it is pregnancy hormones making this worse. For what to do while he's gone, I'm not sure what you are asking? If you are wanting to know how some of us cope, I can tell that I focus on the life I am living while he's gone and the good things I have, rather than focusing all my energy on what I don't have. I stay busy and try to do things to better myself. With a young daughter and one on the way, I'm sure "busy" won't be too difficult, but try to make some time and mental space to do things for yourself, too.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  3. Senior Member
    caljmw649's Avatar
    caljmw649 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    North Carolina and deployed
    Posts
    1,603
    #3
  4. Fresh Newbie
    navywife101's Avatar
    navywife101 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    4
    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I'm sorry you are struggling. It does sound like you have a lot going on.

    No one can really tell you if it is pregnancy hormones making this worse. For what to do while he's gone, I'm not sure what you are asking? If you are wanting to know how some of us cope, I can tell that I focus on the life I am living while he's gone and the good things I have, rather than focusing all my energy on what I don't have. I stay busy and try to do things to better myself. With a young daughter and one on the way, I'm sure "busy" won't be too difficult, but try to make some time and mental space to do things for yourself, too.


    Yes, figuring out how others cope was what I was leaning towards. I do try my hardest to be thankful for what we have, but sometimes I tend to lose sight of it when I see couples I just want more than anything for my hubby to be home and then I'm just an emotional wreck. He's currently underway right now and we've talked nonstop for the last year, so it's hard getting back in the routine of not always being able to talk and I'm just mentally not prepared for that. Keeping busy isn't much of a problem, I work part time, go to school and tend to 2 year olds needs. So although busy certainly isn't an issue, it's those times I'm trying to relax I find myself breaking time. There seems to be not enough time in the day to get anything done. I just want this to be all over, I've been pushing his deployment to the back of my mind pretending it isn't coming. I feel just stressed to the absolute max. Thankfully I have a HUGE support system but still, it's nice to hear other similar military couples going through the same thing, because I know that I'm not the only one and how I feel is normal.
  5. Senior Member
    irish85's Avatar
    irish85 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    3,732
    #5
    did I read it wrong? Or is getting out soon?

    If so just try to look forward to that!!
    "She knew she loved him when 'home' went from being a place to being a person."
  6. Fresh Newbie
    navywife101's Avatar
    navywife101 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    4
    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by irish85 View Post
    did I read it wrong? Or is getting out soon?

    If so just try to look forward to that!!


    Yes he does but we have 6 underways and a deployment until he gets out. He gets out February of 2017!
  7. Senior Member
    irish85's Avatar
    irish85 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    3,732
    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by navywife101 View Post
    Yes he does but we have 6 underways and a deployment until he gets out. He gets out February of 2017!
    You can see the finish line!! Just think of the positives, time will go by being busy with two kids. I have never been through a deployment but my df did PCS to texas (I am in NY) and I can honestly say the anticipation leading up to it and the first two weeks were the worst. Getting settled into a routine def helps!!

    I hope it all works out for you!
    Last edited by irish85; 02-26-2016 at 08:32 AM.
    "She knew she loved him when 'home' went from being a place to being a person."
  8. Old Newbie
    maggz's Avatar
    maggz is offline
    Old Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    22
    #8
    Aw that's rough! My hubby is deployed right now and our son is 10 months. It's hard being a single mama. Like you said, keeping busy isn't hard but sometimes you just reach a breaking point and I think we all do. I go to school and raise our son and it's so difficult to have to be "on call" 24/7! I'm very excited for when he comes home and can take some of the duties off my hands...
    Will he move in with you once he's out or do you have plans for that? Maybe you can focus on planning for all that and having something to look forward to?
  9. Senior Member
    tofuface's Avatar
    tofuface is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    738
    #9
    Sorry that you are going through a rough time. You could keep busy by getting into your hobbies and maybe some activities with your daughter, getting ready for the new baby.... stuff like that. It's best not to think about it, even though I know that is easier said than done. Good Luck!
  10. Senior Member
    kw1214's Avatar
    kw1214 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    US
    Posts
    858
    #10
    First of all, You have every right to feel the emotions that you are feeling! I'm sure it is very difficult to live apart from your spouse, especially when you are pregnant and wanting to share that special time together. I think what you need to hold on to is the light at the end of the tunnel - in 1 year all of this will be behind you and all of this will be a struggle that you over came together. The strength that you are gaining from this experience is huge! Deployments are hard, but they are temporary and that is what we must hold on to. But it's normal to one day feel strong enough to get through this and the next day to want to throw your hands up... trust me, been there done that! Focus all your energy on preparing for this new baby and helping your child through this transition of a new sibling.

    You will have your moments that you will want to cry, and that's perfectly fine.... but try and stay positive, focused on your future and the future of your family! I'm sure you will have enough on your plate to keep you busy during the deployment etc. Just don't forget about yourself... a child and a new born you will need to sneak away for some time to yourself. Try and line up some family members or friends that can lend a hand when needed. The more planning you do now, the easier it will be for you.

    I know it's tough, but you will prevail! Hang in there!!!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •