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Thread: SOS! question about dating someone in the coast guard?

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    #1

    SOS! question about dating someone in the coast guard?

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    So recently I started talking to a guy in the Coast Guard. He is working in Guam right now, and I am in California. So being long distance I am keeping a very open mind about him finding someone else, or taking it slow because we don't know each other well enough to make anything serious. Well, he is already calling me sweetheart, hun, and baby constantly; he is also keeping in almost constant contact with me asking about my day (all thoughtful things, nothing that sets my creep alarms off). HOWEVER, I don't feel like I've earned the affection that i'm getting, even though he's saying i'm the perfect girl for him, and always bringing up the possibility of a serious future together. What scares me is my birthday is coming up in a week, and he told me he bought me a computer because mine has been broken for a while. I want to send it back and tell him how uncomfortable that is to move so fast, but should I stop talking to him in general? I really like him too, and so far he is someone that I could see myself with in a serious relationship. Is this normal from a guy in the Coast Guard?
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by seawolf View Post
    So recently I started talking to a guy in the Coast Guard. He is working in Guam right now, and I am in California. So being long distance I am keeping a very open mind about him finding someone else, or taking it slow because we don't know each other well enough to make anything serious. Well, he is already calling me sweetheart, hun, and baby constantly; he is also keeping in almost constant contact with me asking about my day (all thoughtful things, nothing that sets my creep alarms off). HOWEVER, I don't feel like I've earned the affection that i'm getting, even though he's saying i'm the perfect girl for him, and always bringing up the possibility of a serious future together. What scares me is my birthday is coming up in a week, and he told me he bought me a computer because mine has been broken for a while. I want to send it back and tell him how uncomfortable that is to move so fast, but should I stop talking to him in general? I really like him too, and so far he is someone that I could see myself with in a serious relationship. Is this normal from a guy in the Coast Guard?
    Being in the Coast Guard doesn't make anything normal or abnormal...How long have y'all known each other and have you met in person?? A computer is a big gift I've been with DB for a year and a half and I would still balk at a gift like that. But maybe he's just very generous with gifts for someone he likes. I would talk to him and just tell him that you want to take it slowly and see how things work with the distance and all.
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    sorry, I meant is being overly affectionate a common thing with dating a Coast Guard? We haven't met, we met online about two weeks ago. It just scares me because I want to trust him and think he's a great guy but I haven't met him, and I would rather be on the cautious side but I also don't want to hurt his feelings? He also is offering to pay for my flight out to him but I told him I would feel more comfortable him coming to me the first time, and he is willing to come and always telling me about his family and how he wants me to meet them...Im 20 so this is just confusing if this is normal in the dating world.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by seawolf View Post
    sorry, I meant is being overly affectionate a common thing with dating a Coast Guard? We haven't met, we met online about two weeks ago. It just scares me because I want to trust him and think he's a great guy but I haven't met him, and I would rather be on the cautious side but I also don't want to hurt his feelings? He also is offering to pay for my flight out to him but I told him I would feel more comfortable him coming to me the first time, and he is willing to come and always telling me about his family and how he wants me to meet them...Im 20 so this is just confusing if this is normal in the dating world.
    No, being overly affectionate is not a military thing. I'd be very suspicious of someone, whom I've never met, moving so quickly. That is something scammers do. Have you Skyped him and verified that he is indeed in the military?




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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    No, being overly affectionate is not a military thing. I'd be very suspicious of someone, whom I've never met moving so quickly. That is something scammers do. Have you Skyped him and verified that he is indeed in the military?
    this is what I was thinking but was trying to think of a nice way of phrasing it. That is VERY fast to be that affectionate so I would be being very very very careful with personal information and definitely not sending him money or going there to visit him. While he might be genuine I think there's also a big chance he's a scammer.
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    yes, I have skyped him a few times, and I 'met'(video chatted) his roommate that is in his barics, I also found his facebook and checked out his profile for signs of catfishing. I am most definately not sharing any personal info with him(unfortunately i didnt think of it early and gave him my shipping address for valentines day but it doesnt say where I actually live since I am on a college campus), should I stop talking to him once I return the laptop?
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by seawolf View Post
    yes, I have skyped him a few times, and I 'met'(video chatted) his roommate that is in his barics, I also found his facebook and checked out his profile for signs of catfishing. I am most definately not sharing any personal info with him(unfortunately i didnt think of it early and gave him my shipping address for valentines day but it doesnt say where I actually live since I am on a college campus), should I stop talking to him once I return the laptop?
    not if you don't want to I mean he hasn't done anything "wrong". I would just be careful and go slow and see how things play out while keeping in the back of my mind he may not be genuine.
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    thank you this helps a lot
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    You are way, way overthinking this. "Military" or "Coast Guard" doesn't make a person any different than anyone else. There is no "normal" for those categories when it comes to things like affection, or at least not anymore than there is a "normal" for people in general.

    If you are uncomfortable, stop talking to him. If not, explain why you aren't comfortable with the gift and see how that conversation goes, and make a decision based on that and on his behavior after you explain his feelings.

    You met 2 weeks ago and he sent you a laptop? Yeah, that seems creepy to me. I personally would stop talking to him because it seems either scam-y, or like someone with totally inappropriate boundaries. It's weird, and you know it is weird because you started this thread. So while you don't have to stop talking to him, I would.

    I too would be very concerned about catfishing or scams. Does his Facebook have lots of friends (many scammers set up second pages)? Does it mention the military? Is there are reason you aren't FB friends with him? it seems odd to me that he clearly has a FB, and he supposedly is so very in to you, and yet he hasn't friended you on FB. Also, you say that you've talked to his roommate. Are you sure they were in a barracks room? It isn't all that unusual to get a friend to play along in a scam, so talking to a friend who confirms a story doesn't mean much. Of course, there is every chance he is legitimate, but just be careful, and be careful about taking at face value what he offers as proof.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #10
    Hey OP, sorry to say this, but this sounds pretty darn creepy to me. It's very easy to install key logger software, or automatic video control, or a remote desktop controller on a laptop. It's too risky, especially if you are using it for banking or other private info.

    Just tell him that you really need things to slow down and you want to send the gift back and work on developing friendship before it gets serious. If he reacts badly in any way, then he's not the guy for you.
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