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    #1

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    My boyfriend is in the navy and has been deployed since October. This has been a bad deployment from its inception. On top of that, this is his first time away from his son who just turned four and has a horrible time with his ex allowing him to communicate with him. Our communications were fine and full of I miss you and I love you until he went underway again 3 weeks ago. He's not sleeping, their schedule has been insane. Should I be worried that he's changed his mind about me or is this normal behavior? He is hardly communicating with his family except for very short messages. Mom and dad get the I love you's occasionally but they don't live in the same state and he doesn't get to see them hardly at all. How do I help him?
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Cdmisfit View Post
    My boyfriend is in the navy and has been deployed since October. This has been a bad deployment from its inception. On top of that, this is his first time away from his son who just turned four and has a horrible time with his ex allowing him to communicate with him. Our communications were fine and full of I miss you and I love you until he went underway again 3 weeks ago. He's not sleeping, their schedule has been insane. Should I be worried that he's changed his mind about me or is this normal behavior? He is hardly communicating with his family except for very short messages. Mom and dad get the I love you's occasionally but they don't live in the same state and he doesn't get to see them hardly at all. How do I help him?
    Communications are limited on a ship, and it can be stressful. Give it time.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
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    #3
    Seems pretty normal. It was about a month before I heard from DF when his deployment started. Just gotta wait it out. Hang in there.
  4. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Cdmisfit View Post
    My boyfriend is in the navy and has been deployed since October. This has been a bad deployment from its inception. On top of that, this is his first time away from his son who just turned four and has a horrible time with his ex allowing him to communicate with him. Our communications were fine and full of I miss you and I love you until he went underway again 3 weeks ago. He's not sleeping, their schedule has been insane. Should I be worried that he's changed his mind about me or is this normal behavior? He is hardly communicating with his family except for very short messages. Mom and dad get the I love you's occasionally but they don't live in the same state and he doesn't get to see them hardly at all. How do I help him?
    Based on the bolded it seems extremely reasonable to me that communication would be different. Lots of work and no sleep is going to wear on anyone. That on top of a bad deployment and family drama sounds like he is going through an awful lot.

    I think the best way to help would just be to have faith in him and keep believing in him. Don't give in to feelings of doubt or mistrust. It may not seem like it right now, but I bet your support means a lot to him and he is counting on you.
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    #5
    Is he the kind of guy to start just blowing you off rather than telling you if there's an issue or if he's no longer interested? Is your relationship so weak that something like that could happen with no notice and in such a short time?

    If not, then why are you even allowing these doubts and questions any space in your brain?
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Is he the kind of guy to start just blowing you off rather than telling you if there's an issue or if he's no longer interested? Is your relationship so weak that something like that could happen with no notice and in such a short time?

    If not, then why are you even allowing these doubts and questions any space in your brain?

    No he isn't that kind of man. Far from it. I'm just learning as this is MY first deployment and with no one to talk to I didn't know what was normal or not. All the advice here has been so comforting and helpful. Thank you all so much!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Cdmisfit View Post
    No he isn't that kind of man. Far from it. I'm just learning as this is MY first deployment and with no one to talk to I didn't know what was normal or not. All the advice here has been so comforting and helpful. Thank you all so much!
    Then hold on to that, and return to your faith in him when you feel doubts. Believe in him, and in your relationship, unless you have any reason not to.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Then hold on to that, and return to your faith in him when you feel doubts. Believe in him, and in your relationship, unless you have any reason not to.
    Thank you. I never thought our first deployment would be so hard. But I am growing so much!!! Thank you!
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Cdmisfit View Post
    Thank you. I never thought our first deployment would be so hard. But I am growing so much!!! Thank you!
    It's amazing how much one can grow from deployment! Just remember that he is under a lot of stress and that we all handle our stress differently. Be patient....
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    #10
    When my husband deployed i was lucky to get a paragraph in my daily emails. I got an email most days but it was "hi, how are you? Another long day, i'll write more later, bye."

    My husband was so busy most times I really got to talk to him was when he was in port. Sure once and a while I would get those longer emails but he was more distance from me and his family due to how busy he was. The only reason why I got daily emails was so I knew he was safe since he is with squadrons he flies and I didn't want to worry the whole time.
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