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Thread: Help! Boyfriend wanted to end things suddenly

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    Help! Boyfriend wanted to end things suddenly

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    Hey guys, So I have been dealing with my boyfriend's deployment for 4 months. He is almost half-way through his deployment and still has about 5 months left. We have been dating for only 8 months. Two months ago was the last time he said he loved me, but he told me he would drift and that his feelings wouldn't change. He said he puts them aside to keep him level headed. A month ago I asked him if he still wanted to be in the relationship because he stopped showing an signs of emotion and he said he still wanted this. So all of a sudden the other day when we talked he said that he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and that he wanted to be alone. I asked him if there was another girl and he assured me there wasn't. He said he still cares about me but just wants to be alone and independent. He then went on to say how he wasn't a good choice for me and that we want different things. So in the end we decided to agree on a break until he gets back and we re-evalute. But I need some advice, what should I do? I can't tell if this is the deployment talking and the stress of that or if this really is about us. I'm so heart broken and shocked. I have been doing my best to be strong and be there for him throughout all of this. What do you guys think? I don't know if this changes anything, but this is also his first deployment.
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    It seems like he's been pulling back for a while now, maybe he was just reassuring you while he sorted out his feelings and now he's arrived at a decision. I mean, if you want to reevaluate when he comes back I guess there's no harm in that, but idk what else you want to do. Why fight for someone who's dropping you out of nowhere?
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by razz22 View Post
    Hey guys, So I have been dealing with my boyfriend's deployment for 4 months. He is almost half-way through his deployment and still has about 5 months left. We have been dating for only 8 months. Two months ago was the last time he said he loved me, but he told me he would drift and that his feelings wouldn't change. He said he puts them aside to keep him level headed. A month ago I asked him if he still wanted to be in the relationship because he stopped showing an signs of emotion and he said he still wanted this. So all of a sudden the other day when we talked he said that he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and that he wanted to be alone. I asked him if there was another girl and he assured me there wasn't. He said he still cares about me but just wants to be alone and independent. He then went on to say how he wasn't a good choice for me and that we want different things. So in the end we decided to agree on a break until he gets back and we re-evalute. But I need some advice, what should I do? I can't tell if this is the deployment talking and the stress of that or if this really is about us. I'm so heart broken and shocked. I have been doing my best to be strong and be there for him throughout all of this. What do you guys think? I don't know if this changes anything, but this is also his first deployment.
    Well he stopped things. Not much you can do other than accept it. You agreed to take a break and reevaluate when he comes home. So if you really want to do that than wait.

    Now you said this is his first deployment so he could just be kinda scared, worried, out of wack. Or his feelings could honestly be changing. You need to decide if you want to wait or not. If you are willing to wait, than you and he need to decide what your relationship is going to be in the mean time. What does he want/expect from you and you from him.
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    #4
    If a man says he doesn't want to be with you, listen. Find someone who can't imagine life without you and who would do just about anything to keep you, not one who was ready to discard you when the opportunity arose.

    This guy dumped you. Think about that. He said the he doesn't want you anymore. Why would you fight to be with someone who sees you as optional, rather than almost necessary? Don't you think you deserve someone who feels more strongly for you than that?

    I wouldn't reevaluate. I would have all the information I needed to know this guy doesn't deserve my time.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by razz22 View Post
    He then went on to say how he wasn't a good choice for me and that we want different things.
    When a guy tells you that he doesn't think he's a good match for you...listen. It's so hard to hear, I know. I've been there a couple times myself (not in any military relationships).

    Deployment is absolutely stressful, no doubt about it. It's very commonplace to become distant while the servicemember focuses on the job at hand. But if they really, truly want you in their lives, they will not end things. They will work to keep you.
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    yeah any man that tells you they don't wanna be with you means it. it sounds like he is keeping you on the back burner in case his other situations don't work out.... i'm sorry girl. i hope you find someone in the future that cherishes you.
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    How old is he?
    I generally agree with the ladies above.
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    Thanks for all the advice guys. It's just so hard to me to let go when I have been fighting so hard for the last 4 months. This is just extremely out of character for him. And I can tell he's trying to push me away. He has never really had someone who will stick it out in his life, so part of me thinks he doesn't believe I could or he is scared of getting too close. He is 23 and still wanting to figure out what he wants to do in life. I guess I just don't understand how he just flipped a switch. He promised this wouldn't happen but he is also depressed and really miserable overseas so I don't even think this is really about us and that's my dilemma.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by razz22 View Post
    Thanks for all the advice guys. It's just so hard to me to let go when I have been fighting so hard for the last 4 months. This is just extremely out of character for him. And I can tell he's trying to push me away. He has never really had someone who will stick it out in his life, so part of me thinks he doesn't believe I could or he is scared of getting too close. He is 23 and still wanting to figure out what he wants to do in life. I guess I just don't understand how he just flipped a switch. He promised this wouldn't happen but he is also depressed and really miserable overseas so I don't even think this is really about us and that's my dilemma.
    I'm sorry you're going through this.

    Whatever his reasons are, he decided to end it with you and you're going to have to accept that. You said he's been pulling away for some time so this was not an impulsive thing, he's clearly been thinking about this for a while.

    You can wait for him but is it worth it? Saying he'll re-evaluate when he gets back sounds like a way to keep you on the hook in case he changes his mind. I don't think that's very fair to you, JMO.




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    "She knew she loved him when 'home' went from being a place to being a person."

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