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Thread: Feel Like I am in a Movie

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Feel Like I am in a Movie

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    A hopelessly romantic, surreal, and really emotional movie.

    My boyfriend Jacob and I have known each other since we were 6. Went to the same school as youngin's. Played tag and dinosaurs together on the playground. Our mother's were friends.

    His father passed away when he was 8, the same year my dad walked out on my mom and I. I was 8, too.

    Once 8th grade was over, we lost contact. Somehow. He didn't leave town. I didn't either. And however it worked out, we couldn't find one another on Facebook. According to our stories, we both tried. For years.

    10 years passed by. High school came and went (ironically, the high schools we attended shared a fence and *still* we never made contact), and we forgot ... He enlisted in the Army right out of his Senior year. I went to community college, started a business. Found a boyfriend. Chris.

    That boyfriend and I dated for 3 years. It was a long distance and short distance relationship as he attended college out of town and I kept moving up the corporate ladder at my job (outside my business). He and I moved to Texas together, got our own place at the 2.5 year mark. Chris and I uprooted our lives after he got promoted in the workplace and after I lost interest in my hometown.

    Well, let it be known that less than a year into my relationship with him, I found Jacob again. Day after day, night after night, hours upon hours of texting, phone calls, Skype, and eventually meeting up in person, we reconnected. And never missed a beat.
    Of course, Chris did not like Jacob from the start and vice versa. I can't blame him. Jacob was a threat and with good reason.

    The last two years while dating Chris, I fell in love with Jacob and he fell in love with me. But I tried, Lord *knows* I tried, to be a loyal honest person and salvage what I had with Chris because I thought it was right. And I thought it was what I wanted. I figured I only loved the "image" of Jacob because it was forbidden, "wrong." Turns out, I was WRONG.

    Long story short, I left Chris not too long ago to be with Jacob, knowing his was stationed far away and that he deployed. Often. He is leaving on another tour this Thanksgiving. I have seen him 4 times in the last two years. Last time was 4 months ago.

    This military thing... Jacob and I discussed it EXTENSIVELY before we decided to date. Because he knows what it does to people, to couples and their relationships. To their sanity, their health, and their emotions. I took the bait because I wanted him, more than anything.

    So, tell me. What else do I need to prepare for- mentally and emotionally? What can I do, as a friend and girlfriend, to make his life easier? I support him 100% and am SO proud.
    He has changed a bit overtime, so I have experienced a bit of that. Are there changes in his behavior that may take me by surprise and are there specific ways to cope with them?
  2. One does not simply Ewok into Endor
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by RKsDarkIntrigue View Post
    A hopelessly romantic, surreal, and really emotional movie.

    My boyfriend Jacob and I have known each other since we were 6. Went to the same school as youngin's. Played tag and dinosaurs together on the playground. Our mother's were friends.

    His father passed away when he was 8, the same year my dad walked out on my mom and I. I was 8, too.

    Once 8th grade was over, we lost contact. Somehow. He didn't leave town. I didn't either. And however it worked out, we couldn't find one another on Facebook. According to our stories, we both tried. For years.

    10 years passed by. High school came and went (ironically, the high schools we attended shared a fence and *still* we never made contact), and we forgot ... He enlisted in the Army right out of his Senior year. I went to community college, started a business. Found a boyfriend. Chris.

    That boyfriend and I dated for 3 years. It was a long distance and short distance relationship as he attended college out of town and I kept moving up the corporate ladder at my job (outside my business). He and I moved to Texas together, got our own place at the 2.5 year mark. Chris and I uprooted our lives after he got promoted in the workplace and after I lost interest in my hometown.

    Well, let it be known that less than a year into my relationship with him, I found Jacob again. Day after day, night after night, hours upon hours of texting, phone calls, Skype, and eventually meeting up in person, we reconnected. And never missed a beat.
    Of course, Chris did not like Jacob from the start and vice versa. I can't blame him. Jacob was a threat and with good reason.

    The last two years while dating Chris, I fell in love with Jacob and he fell in love with me. But I tried, Lord *knows* I tried, to be a loyal honest person and salvage what I had with Chris because I thought it was right. And I thought it was what I wanted. I figured I only loved the "image" of Jacob because it was forbidden, "wrong." Turns out, I was WRONG.

    Long story short, I left Chris not too long ago to be with Jacob, knowing his was stationed far away and that he deployed. Often. He is leaving on another tour this Thanksgiving. I have seen him 4 times in the last two years. Last time was 4 months ago.

    This military thing... Jacob and I discussed it EXTENSIVELY before we decided to date. Because he knows what it does to people, to couples and their relationships. To their sanity, their health, and their emotions. I took the bait because I wanted him, more than anything.

    So, tell me. What else do I need to prepare for- mentally and emotionally? What can I do, as a friend and girlfriend, to make his life easier? I support him 100% and am SO proud.
    He has changed a bit overtime, so I have experienced a bit of that. Are there changes in his behavior that may take me by surprise and are there specific ways to cope with them?

    <3 Anthiea <3 KittenMittens <3
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    #3

    My DH (husband) and I was long distance for quite some time. Stay as busy as possible, find a hobby you love and stick with it. Also surrounding yourself with friends and family helps.

    Eta: I like your photo! I've been riding horses since I was a little girl.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by *Palindrome* View Post

    My DH (husband) and I was long distance for quite some time. Stay as busy as possible, find a hobby you love and stick with it. Also surrounding yourself with friends and family helps.

    Eta: I like your photo! I've been riding horses since I was a little girl.
    I am noticing, more than ever, that finding something to do is KEY to my sanity right now, so I see what you guys are saying.
    Usually I do okay just sitting and reading a book or watching a movie- but it has been leaving me too much time to think lately :-/

    THANK YOU! I am a riding instructor and horse trainer (-: I just recently moved to this area this year so my business (which I had to renew here all the way from California), is a little slow right now which doesn't help, because there is only so much time during the week it takes up right now. But, I have been dedicating my time to growing it which is helping some *sigh*

    And what makes it worse, is the Army is always keeping him busy, so although we talk often, he can only grasp so much of what I am saying and be sympathetic to only a certain point. WHICH IS FINE- I want him to stay busy, distracted, get in and get out lol
    But not knowing a lot of people here (and those I do have no idea what military life is like), he is really the only one I express my feelings to about all this. And I have NO family in this area, we aren't close anyway :-/

    I am worried I am bothering him ... should I think this way?
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    #5
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    #6
    well, alrighty then.
  7. aBr
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by CDNTrish View Post
    well, alrighty then.
    ^Same. Welcome.
    Last edited by aBr; 10-20-2015 at 12:19 PM.
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    #8
    At risk of sounding cold, I feel you are seriously over-dramatizing the situation. It's just really not that big of a deal. There are many aspects of a career in the military that can affect the servicemember's relationship, but that's a fact of life in any career. This, "Because he knows what it does to people, to couples and their relationships. To their sanity, their health, and their emotions" is a huge generalization. Every relationship is different. There are no "rules for military relationships" that apply to everyone. My advice to you is the same as my advice to anyone in a relationship. Give more than you take, share more than you give, choose to give the benefit of the doubt, and practice self-control.

    Finally, I would advise you to try very hard to distance yourself from the "nobody around me understands" attitude. Do you understand what it's like to be a cop's girlfriend? To be a line cook's girlfriend? To be a garbageman's girlfriend? To be a surgeon's girlfriend? Nothing is stopping you from being friends with and sharing support with and from others whose significant others are in different fields except yourself. You don't know what it's like to be a "military girlfriend" because there's no such category. You know what it's like to be your boyfriend's girlfriend. We don't have to have experienced each other's exact situations to be supportive of each other.
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    #9
    You really are way overdramatizing this. I'm not quite seeing how this is like a movie either, like ok you were friends as kids, lost contact, met up again, and emotionally cheated on your boyfriend with him for some reason instead of just breaking up like an honest person would do. Alright.

    Everybody is different. Just because he's in the military doesn't mean you need a handbook. Treat him like you would any other boyfriend, and don't let him get away with treating you badly just because he's a soldier.
  10. aBr
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSisterWife View Post
    At risk of sounding cold, I feel you are seriously over-dramatizing the situation. It's just really not that big of a deal. There are many aspects of a career in the military that can affect the servicemember's relationship, but that's a fact of life in any career. This, "Because he knows what it does to people, to couples and their relationships. To their sanity, their health, and their emotions" is a huge generalization. Every relationship is different. There are no "rules for military relationships" that apply to everyone. My advice to you is the same as my advice to anyone in a relationship. Give more than you take, share more than you give, choose to give the benefit of the doubt, and practice self-control.

    Finally, I would advise you to try very hard to distance yourself from the "nobody around me understands" attitude. Do you understand what it's like to be a cop's girlfriend? To be a line cook's girlfriend? To be a garbageman's girlfriend? To be a surgeon's girlfriend? Nothing is stopping you from being friends with and sharing support with and from others whose significant others are in different fields except yourself. You don't know what it's like to be a "military girlfriend" because there's no such category. You know what it's like to be your boyfriend's girlfriend. We don't have to have experienced each other's exact situations to be supportive of each other.
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    You really are way overdramatizing this. I'm not quite seeing how this is like a movie either, like ok you were friends as kids, lost contact, met up again, and emotionally cheated on your boyfriend with him for some reason instead of just breaking up like an honest person would do. Alright.

    Everybody is different. Just because he's in the military doesn't mean you need a handbook. Treat him like you would any other boyfriend, and don't let him get away with treating you badly just because he's a soldier.
    These. This. Try not to put on rosy glasses about your relationship or him being in the military. You miss a lot when you have blinders on, like telling us that you had an emotional affair like that's a romantic thing to do. The only universal advice anyone could give to military SOs is to be flexible and patient. Don't get too wrapped up in the military thing. Have your own life.
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