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Thread: How to Beat the Blues?!

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    How to Beat the Blues?!

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    Hello everyone! I'm new to MSOS and I've just been looking for people who understand military relationships first hand!

    My DB and I have been dating for about 7 months now, we were aquaintances in high school but became inseparable during his leave last December while I was home from college. He was here in the U.S. till this past spring and now he's currently overseas 4,000 miles away. Things were amazing when he was in the U.S., FaceTime daily, two hour time difference, it was easy for the most part!

    Now that he's in another country however things have changed. His current living situation barely has wifi so communication is more difficult along with the limited time window we can talk due to work/sleep. It took both of us some time to adjust, but even after three-four months of this change, some days either he or I will be in a big rut over missing each other, he'll feel guilty/angry for being so far, or I'll just get a wave depressed/loneliness and we just kind of cheer eachother up and remind ourselves of the long terms goals. His living quarters will change once fall comes so communication will be a bit more smooth, but the distance and time difference will surely still be there.

    I was just wondering for those who may have been in a LDR longer, do these rough days ever become less frequent? How do you handle the distance? How do you handle the feelings of doubt or frustration?
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    Will he be able to get internet once he moves? Once all that is set up, including his cell phone it gets easier. DF and have a similar story to yours. It's hard to adjust but try working out a little schedule. We'd usually make time to Skype a lot on the weekends, then during the week we'd call each other if our schedules matched up. We use the google hangouts app to message each other it works pretty well for us. DF is deployed right now so it's a little different communication wise.

    Can't really offer much advice DF and I have been together for a little over a year and he's been deployed since January. All I can say is you have to trust your DB or you will drive yourself crazy. I mean everyone gets those moments of doubt but talk it over with DB. I feel like having a plan makes things so much better, even though it is never really set in stone because nothing really is in the military ha. But at least you have somewhat of an idea where your relationship is headed. Frustration will be there it'll be really hard at times but DF has always been a great support for me. I can call him crying and he'll have me laughing by the end of the conversation Also keep yourself busy and love or enjoy what you are doing. My job has not been so good while DF's been deployed (currently looking for another) and it's just made things worse I feel like that's life in general though ha you have to be happy with yourself to be happy in your relationship and to be a good partner. Hope things get better once your DB is able to move
  3. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #3
    Hi, welcome

    I think it's very important to shift how you think about relationships in general, because this situation you're in just isn't the same as it would be with no LDR. Take the pressure of expectations off of the table. Try to enjoy your lives separately and take pleasure in your day to day life and knowing that he is doing the same. The big picture here is that this won't last forever and there's nothing good or romantic about spending your time (and his) focusing on missing each other.

    Support each other by being happy. When you can talk you get to share that with each other. This won't last forever and if you guys are invested in your relationship this will just be a small part of your lives together
  4. aBr
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by lavender_jane View Post
    Hi, welcome

    I think it's very important to shift how you think about relationships in general, because this situation you're in just isn't the same as it would be with no LDR. Take the pressure of expectations off of the table. Try to enjoy your lives separately and take pleasure in your day to day life and knowing that he is doing the same. The big picture here is that this won't last forever and there's nothing good or romantic about spending your time (and his) focusing on missing each other.

    Support each other by being happy. When you can talk you get to share that with each other. This won't last forever and if you guys are invested in your relationship this will just be a small part of your lives together
    Last edited by aBr; 07-31-2015 at 10:36 AM. Reason: Bolding for emphasis
  5. Regular Member
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    #5
    Where my Coastie is, he has access to internet so when he is on liberty, we try and Skype as much as possible. When we can't do that we try and talk on the phone and text. One of our personal favorites is writing letters. It brings a homey feeling to the situation. Seeing his handwriting and he even sprays the paper with his favorite cologne sometimes and I have with my favorite body spray. It is so hard but you will learn to manage!!! Best of luck and you can always send me a message if need be!

    P.S. Doubt kills a relationship. Just try to keep each other happy or in the best mood possible!
  6. Regular Member
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    #6
    There's really no way of stopping missing him . My DB is currently deployed to and the communiction is once a few times a week or only once. Yeah some days i get in a funk where I wish I could talk to him about things going on but I can't . What I usually do is write down my feelings . I also sent him messages even though I know he wont read them right away and that helps alot beause I can always go back and re-read it when i feel down. If you wanna talk , I'm always free
  7. Senior Member
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    #7
    I agree with the previous posters- I can add that I have some texts from DB when he started his first tour and we became long distance. Basically just him reassuring me and mushy stuff, so I like to read that stuff when I'm feeling down. It will be hard, and you will have good days and bad but try to not let it consume you and you will get through it!
  8. Senior Member
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    #8
    Sometimes you just have to allow yourself to feel it and let it pass. I know that feeling well, the only thing that resolves it is talking to him. I know keeping busy and everything gets you thru the days, but I feel that its easier just to accept that I will feel blue and lonely at times rather than trying to ignore it. I'll just have a day to sulk and cry and then i'll go back to doing my thing. I also just talk to my best friend and bug the heck out of her with my feelings

    Hope you feel better soon! My inbox is open if you wanna talk, or aim me.

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