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Thread: expectations vs. reality

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    #1

    expectations vs. reality

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    Hi I'm new to the military community!

    So I met my guy in December, unfortunately we could only meet up once but that was enough for us to continue talking all the way up to now. Through months of incessant texting and skyping later, we reached a point where we could finally spend time together since he was coming back to the states for some training (he's special forces (6 years)--I believe it's legit, I've done some research and it all matches up). So of course that was the only thing we wanted to talk about; we pictured how amazing it would be and how we both couldn't wait. So it happened and expectations didn't line up with reality as being as glamorous and romantic as we both hoped. He couldn't get the full time off he wanted in between the time after his training graduation and his next training and he got extremely sick while I was there. After I left and for the next week, communication kind of dropped off due to him having to work and having to deal with his progressively worsening sickness. He's usually a very good communicator so this was something I haven't experienced, but then I got one last text from him that apologized for being MIA but then that was it and now its been 5 weeks and I'm still waiting. I remember him saying his next training was about a month and half so this all goes along with that, however my mind just goes back to a lot of doubt; thinking about what I could have done/said differently when I met up with him or who knows. He spoke with me throughout his other training, so I wasn't expecting a drop off.

    I apologize since I'm just rambling but I guess I'm just having a low moment due to all my doubt. This is the longest span of time I've gone through without hearing from him and the timing is just making me insecure. My mind just runs through the time I spent with him over and over.

    We're not in the stage in our relationship where I'm confident that I'll hear from him again since this is all new to me and normally when you don't hear from your guy in 5 weeks it means it's over so my mind is all confused
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    #2
    Some trainings they can't have their phones or there isn't cell signal. But he should have given you a heads up that he may not be able to communicate with you before he left. IMO though it doesn't look good. Did you text much after you guys met up or was it just that single text about being MIA? How many months have you been talking to this guy?
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by emmi13 View Post
    Hi I'm new to the military community!

    So I met my guy in December, unfortunately we could only meet up once but that was enough for us to continue talking all the way up to now. Through months of incessant texting and skyping later, we reached a point where we could finally spend time together since he was coming back to the states for some training (he's special forces (6 years)--I believe it's legit, I've done some research and it all matches up). So of course that was the only thing we wanted to talk about; we pictured how amazing it would be and how we both couldn't wait. So it happened and expectations didn't line up with reality as being as glamorous and romantic as we both hoped. He couldn't get the full time off he wanted in between the time after his training graduation and his next training and he got extremely sick while I was there. After I left and for the next week, communication kind of dropped off due to him having to work and having to deal with his progressively worsening sickness. He's usually a very good communicator so this was something I haven't experienced, but then I got one last text from him that apologized for being MIA but then that was it and now its been 5 weeks and I'm still waiting. I remember him saying his next training was about a month and half so this all goes along with that, however my mind just goes back to a lot of doubt; thinking about what I could have done/said differently when I met up with him or who knows. He spoke with me throughout his other training, so I wasn't expecting a drop off.

    I apologize since I'm just rambling but I guess I'm just having a low moment due to all my doubt. This is the longest span of time I've gone through without hearing from him and the timing is just making me insecure. My mind just runs through the time I spent with him over and over.

    We're not in the stage in our relationship where I'm confident that I'll hear from him again since this is all new to me and normally when you don't hear from your guy in 5 weeks it means it's over so my mind is all confused
    What was he sick with? It seems like whatever illness he had did not interfere with his job. So did you get a chance to meet him in person, at the base (or wherever the training was)?
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    You're going to hear this a lot, but the Special Forces claim is always a big red flag. Generally those who are SF don't tell people they are SF.
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    #5
    all I'm seeing are red flags.

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    #6
    I agree.. Lots of red flags. Where did you meet him?
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    He didn't tell me he was special forces for a long time so I kind of figured it out on my own because he would send me pictures and I would research the badges he had on. I would ask him a ton of questions until eventually he told me on skype about it and from then on I kept on researching and nothing was out of the ordinary or a red flag from what Ive seen or heard from him. I met him at the base he was at and again no red flags or anything strange or questionable. And he would never tell me anything so "glamorous" that would make special forces seem like ooooh aahhh with all these grand stories. We met out one night after I finished fall semester in medical school and he was out. I'm out of state so I'm home for the summer which happened to be where the training was~about three hours away.

    But besides that, it wasn't just one text, we did keep in contact that week but very much off and on because he would say he was working but then went home to sleep it off. The few days after I came back it was very much normal, but then I got sick from his sickness and it was the type of sickness where you can still function but it just really sucks hard. Before I left him he told me we would talk all the time and that when I see him again he'll me healthy so I better watch out so it was left pretty decently. His last texted started with "gorgeous!!!" so that was fine as well but I just think its strange that he didn't give me a heads up since he usually tries to give me one normally.
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    #8
    I mean I met him at the base where his training was** and it has been about 6 months ~ almost 7 months dating


    *I think what I'm going to do is go on with my normal life and if he doesn't come back then I know but if he does then I guess I'll just go from there and work out the real details. No sense in worrying about something that may or may not be a problem if I never hear from him again :/ Thanks for the replies. I'll definitely look more into everything if/when he comes back then question if any of this is worth it.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by emmi13 View Post
    I mean I met him at the base where his training was** and it has been about 6 months ~ almost 7 months dating


    *I think what I'm going to do is go on with my normal life and if he doesn't come back then I know but if he does then I guess I'll just go from there and work out the real details. No sense in worrying about something that may or may not be a problem if I never hear from him again :/ Thanks for the replies. I'll definitely look more into everything if/when he comes back then question if any of this is worth it.
    I think this is a great plan. If you recall that it was going to be about a month and a half for his next round of training, then give it that time and then after that, whatever happens, happens. DH has done training before where cell phones/calls weren't allowed, so it's not unusual to have no contact. The main concern that I see is that he should have given you a heads up that he was going to be going silent for a bit. That could have been one short, quick text, and it would have alleviated all of your worry and doubt...

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