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Thread: Imaginary GF?

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Imaginary GF?

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    so I sign up for a dating site, and after months of bad luck I hear from this guy..we really hit it off and seem to have a ton in common. I notice his messages come at random times, and comment on it-do you work 3rd shift, overnights...only to find out he is deployed overseas..go figure, such is my luck. I finally find a great guy and he's 2000 miles away with no end in sight! I was reluctant to just stop talking to him because of how great this connection seemed to be, but there was also that cynical voice whispering "is this guy for real or is this some joker yanking my chain?" So I kept messaging him, it's been almost 2 months now,and my doubts are becoming fewer and far between the longer this goes on. I am struggling because I find myself becoming very attached to this man I have never met. He has spoken of having strong feelings and really wanting this to be a serious relationship. We have both cancelled/hid our profiles on the dating site, and while I have strong feelings for him, my realism keeps me from voicing too much on that front. I'm 35(he's 40), those rose colored glasses have long since been chucked in the trash.We message every day, sometimes twice a day if he can manage. He says he can't call or face time/Skype, because of where he's at and his job. He told me not to worry if I didn't hear from him for a few days, they had something big in the works. It's been5 days without anything from him, and I miss him..how do you miss someone whom you've never met? I've never heard his voice or held his hand, but I find myself missing him like we've been together for years. It's been 5 days and I am scared for him...is this normal to be out of contact for so long? I have no perspective-is 5 days even a long time for something like this? And I'm scared for me because that little voice in my head is saying maybe this was a joke and I was just the punchline. I haven't doubted him because he's never asked for anything-no money or packages or anything like that. I'm worried for him if this is real, is he ok? Is he hurt? How would I ever know? For all I know he's never mentioned my name, and I would never know what happens to him. And I know absolutely nothing about military life so I have no measuring stick for what is 'normal' in the grand scheme of deployments. So am I an imaginary girlfriend? Or just a joke?
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    I don't think anyone can straight up answer if he's real or okay. But it does sound like you're letting yourself get too attached to someone you've never met. Unfortunately, there is a reality that some people in the military start "relationships" without committing to them simply because they don't have to physically be there. However, without skyping or facetiming him, I wouldn't get my hopes up that he is who he says he is. I would need more evidence than that. Also, with social media the way it is, you never know who this person could be. They could be lying to you about being in the military for all you know.

    I wouldn't concern myself too much unless there is more evidence that this person exists and actually cares for you.
  3. I've got 32 flavors of that bootylicious bubblegum.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by 4Paws View Post
    so I sign up for a dating site, and after months of bad luck I hear from this guy..we really hit it off and seem to have a ton in common. I notice his messages come at random times, and comment on it-do you work 3rd shift, overnights...only to find out he is deployed overseas..go figure, such is my luck. I finally find a great guy and he's 2000 miles away with no end in sight! I was reluctant to just stop talking to him because of how great this connection seemed to be, but there was also that cynical voice whispering "is this guy for real or is this some joker yanking my chain?" So I kept messaging him, it's been almost 2 months now,and my doubts are becoming fewer and far between the longer this goes on. I am struggling because I find myself becoming very attached to this man I have never met. He has spoken of having strong feelings and really wanting this to be a serious relationship. We have both cancelled/hid our profiles on the dating site, and while I have strong feelings for him, my realism keeps me from voicing too much on that front. I'm 35(he's 40), those rose colored glasses have long since been chucked in the trash.We message every day, sometimes twice a day if he can manage. He says he can't call or face time/Skype, because of where he's at and his job. He told me not to worry if I didn't hear from him for a few days, they had something big in the works. It's been5 days without anything from him, and I miss him..how do you miss someone whom you've never met? I've never heard his voice or held his hand, but I find myself missing him like we've been together for years. It's been 5 days and I am scared for him...is this normal to be out of contact for so long? I have no perspective-is 5 days even a long time for something like this? And I'm scared for me because that little voice in my head is saying maybe this was a joke and I was just the punchline. I haven't doubted him because he's never asked for anything-no money or packages or anything like that. I'm worried for him if this is real, is he ok? Is he hurt? How would I ever know? For all I know he's never mentioned my name, and I would never know what happens to him. And I know absolutely nothing about military life so I have no measuring stick for what is 'normal' in the grand scheme of deployments. So am I an imaginary girlfriend? Or just a joke?


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  4. Champagne Supernova
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    #4
    I'm with kirst... we can't tell you whether this is legit or not. It sounds like you have a reasonable outlook on things and I'd keep it that way since you also sound really attached. There's a possibility this could be the real deal, and it can also not be . You'll eventually know. As for the 5 days thing - if he's legit, I don't think that's entirely unheard of.. some have gone longer I think. Did he tell you don't worry right before he disappeared? Or was it a general statement when you first began talking?

    I hope this is real for you, and that he's okay, but just be guarded.
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    #5
    Sounds like you are doing the right thing by sort of questioning things... getting too attached before you have actually had face to face contact is risky. Just remember to take care of you! There is nothing wrong with having a long distance relationship... I hope this is real for you and that everything works out!
  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by 4Paws View Post
    And I'm scared for me because that little voice in my head is saying maybe this was a joke and I was just the punchline.
    Ugh I so get this. Sorry you are dealing with it. I'm here if you need to PM!

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