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Thread: How does everyone handle deployment?

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    How does everyone handle deployment?

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    Me and my boyfriend have always been long distance being apart does suck but we have done this for almost 2 years now. I can tell hes extra stressed but he tells me hes fine that hes not stressed about deployment but seems to get upset extremly fast over everything I have read this is normal. I have noticed he gets mad fast when he is stressed.

    What is the best thing to do for boyfriends who are deploying how do you help them without making them extra stressed? It does take alot out of me when he gets mad at everything puts me in a careless mood. Like if we broke up I would be upset but okay with it but yet I love him with all my heart. How does everyone handle pre deployment as well as deployment? I know everyone handles things differently. I did read that most Military men or women do fight with their spouse alot before deployment and argue over every little thing.

    This is our second deployemtn since we have met. His first deployment we met a month before he left so that deployment was not as hard as this deployment. I am stressed, sad, and a little scared. We have been together almost two years so this deployment is harder and more depressing. I am trying not to be emotional and talk about it but it is not easy at all I am sure is upsets him. He has two emotions mad or no emotions. I am not sure if anyone else deals with this but it is definatly stressful with how they handle
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    #2
    I've always been long distance with my DB too, so I can relate a little. Now I can't speak for other couples, but I know before my DB left for deployment, we didn't fight, but I could tell that he was distancing himself a little emotionally. I think you just have to find a balance of being aware that he's in a tough, stressful situation, but also not letting him treat you poorly. Keeping the lines of communication open is key. Maybe you could write him a letter explaining how you feel??
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    I wasn't long distance with DB at first but have been for the past year and currently going through our first deployment. We never fought before and I wouldn't say we necessarily fight now, but there have been a few times where we've both been annoyed, more so at the situation than each other, but it comes off at each other. I think once deployment starts, maybe a few weeks in once he is better adjusted it should get a little bit better.

    My DB doesn't like to talk to others about our relationship and he will get mad when he knows I've talked to my friends, but come on, all girls do that hahah and for me, I need to talk with them sometimes otherwise so I can get out my frustration or whatever, calm down, and then talk to DB on a more stable level. I like this site/people here for support. You can vent whatever you need to and then when you get the chance to talk to your DB and sound supportive. Sometimes I just have to tell DB that I'm upset/missing him/annoyed at deployment and being LDR, but I try to make sure I'm not saying that every time we talk. There isn't much we can do about it at this point, so I feel constantly bringing it up isn't going to help much.

    Since this is my DB's first deployment, and mine too, I know what I need more of next time from him, but I know he is trying as best he can this time. I agree with keeping communication open, maybe try to discuss what you need from each other to make it work so that you are both getting the support you need. Hopefully your DB will understand that this is hard for you too and help you. We're always here too!
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    I handle it by just sort of carrying on. When he's gone, I make sure my life is as full as I can make it. While he's preparing to leave, I am helping him with things like packing or shopping, and we tend to do a few special things together before he goes, like one last dinner at a favorite place or a special day together. I'm also preparing my life, lining up plans with friends, setting goals for myself, etc. Deployment isn't all about him any more than it is all about me.

    That said, you say that your DH gets mad at everything. That's not okay, and it isn't normal. While my DH might be slightly more tense in the week or two before deployment, he's never snapping at me about every little thing and certainly not yelling. He's allowed to be stressed and mad. He isn't allowed to take that out on you and treat you badly because of it.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  5. Fresh Newbie
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    Well he's said some vary hurtful things lately. I haven't heard from him since yesterday morning when he told me not to bother coming to see him. Needless to say this would have been the last time I saw him before deployment.
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    Why are you still with a man who says hurtful things to you? It sounds to me like you know what needs to be done.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    As of yesterday I'm not. But it hurts I've never been in love and truly had a broken heart until now.
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    #8
    I'm sorry. I hope you find strength and peace.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #9
    Me to. Now I remember why I never dated. 26 and this was my first heartbreak.
    Last edited by Tiff; 06-22-2015 at 02:03 AM.
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    Even though I don't really know how your relationship is, I can say that the same thing happened with my boyfriend now. And after 3 years he had distanced himself because he was stressed and didn't know how deployment would go. He had thought that by distancing himself from me and saying that he just wanted to be friends would be easier for him to get over me. And then we soon found out that that was a dumb idea and we are fine now. He's on his 15 month deployment and it is so hard but it is doable. I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet.
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