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Thread: Just Joined MSOS Because I Need Support/Advice

  1. Fresh Newbie
    emilyniff's Avatar
    emilyniff is offline
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    May 2015
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    #1

    Just Joined MSOS Because I Need Support/Advice

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    My Navy boyfriend and I have only been dating for a month and a half now, but have been friends since we met about a year and a half ago.

    We met when I was home from school on winter break and he was at basic. We only went on one date, one that I will always remember, but we decided to just be friends since I was going back to school and he would soon be going to A school. We talked everyday all day for about two months, but then started not communicating anymore, until he texted me out of the blue in July of last summer. We have been talking all day everyday since. In April he asked me to be his girlfriend, to which I happily replied "yes!".

    This is my first official boyfriend ever, my first LDR, and my first "military relationship". I am having a really really hard time with this. We started dating while we were apart so we never got the chance to establish a foundation. I care about him so much and support his every decision and absolutely adore his pride and dedication to his job, but I don't know how to deal with the fact that I have never held his hand or gone to the movies with him, we haven't even had our first kiss. He has told me from the start, even before we had feelings for each other, that he wanted to make a career out of the Navy so he would be enlisted for 20+ years. I want to be with him so badly and the idea of losing him is heart breaking, but Im so unsure of how ill be able to handle the distance.

    I know its a very new relationship and its a little early to be thinking about "forever", but we've already almost broken up because he said it crushed him to hear me say "I wish you were here" and he can't be here. It was never my intention to make him feel that way and I feel absolutely horrible about it, but he said he doesn't want to feel that way. I want to work through this, but i don't know how. Im trying to save up money so I can go see him, but its really expensive so it'll be a while before I get to go and I'm afraid that ill crumble and tell him I wish he was here and that I miss him terribly.

    I am constantly on the verge of tears thinking about my life with him in separation, but he means everything to me so I want to make it work. I just really need some advice because Im so new to relationships, let alone a military LDR.

    Sorry for the rant.

    Emily
  2. Senior Member
    VicDelo's Avatar
    VicDelo is offline
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    #2
    Welcome! Although I was dating my DB for a couple years, we're experiencing LDR and now he's been on deployment. I have found a lot of support and helpful knowledge from this site so hopefully it helps you too.

    I would say to keep your communication going with him as best you both can. A lot of people feel that LDR allows you to connect with the person on a deeper level. Maybe you can send him stuff, nothing expensive, but more from the heart to show how much you care even though you can't be together right now. I know that for me, with being apart, time differences and lack of communications sometimes, I really think about my feelings and what I want to say to my DB and how/when to say it. I feel that it helps me so that I am getting out how I feel, but taking in to account the situation we're in and the fact that we may have limited solutions to fix any problems we might be having now. (ex. I wouldn't want to just rant and complain to my DB about how awful it is to be here and him there, because I know that's not really going to solve the problem--not saying that's what you're doing, and I do say I miss him and that it sucks, but I try not to as much haha) Try to stay positive as best you can, it is going to be hard, but it will be so rewarding if you both are able to work through the tough spots and make it out the other end.

    I'm not sure where he is stationed, but maybe instead of you going all the way there, maybe you can meet up half-way somewhere for a long weekend or little vacation? There is also Skype or facetime or whatnot to be able to see each other if you both have access to those things.

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