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Thread: I have no clue about this.

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    I have no clue about this.

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    So, I just joined today and I posted a brief thread in the newbie sections. For a little bit of a background, I met my DB online 4 1/2 months ago. He is in the National Guard and I have been interested in joining the National Guard after I complete school, so we first connected with that. We officially met in person 3 months ago today. We live about 4 hours away from each other. Emotionally, things went very quickly. I am not an easy person to deal with in a relationship because of my insecurities and then he can also be stand offish and shut down during times of stress. We both have a child of our own and work very different hours, so sometimes talking can be tough.

    He is currently at his annual training and I am having a tough time with it. Things were a little rocky before he left because between his job hours increasing and getting ready to leave he was stressed. And I guess I have not been the most understanding person. He is away for three weeks instead of two because they had to travel. Communication is spotty, but usually daily. There has been a few days where there has been no communication at all. I just don't know how these things go. Is it normal to not be able to talk for a few days in these situations? At first he said there will be 10 days where we can't talk at all, then as time came closer to leave he said he would be able to. Is this normal not to know?

    In addition, he is talking about possible deployment. He said the last two times his unit went through this certain training, they were set to deploy. He also said he may find out while they are at annual training. I am also lost about how those things work as well. I have been good and not pushed any information and basically let him text me when he wants. Yet no phone calls. Like the title says, I just have no clue about how all of this works.

    Thanks for reading my ramble!
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    #2


    I don't have any advice, but you have come to the right place. You will get through this!
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    #3
    The way I look at it you will learn as you go. I'm still learning about how this all works! Like Noodles said you've come to the right place. It is tough to be away from our loved ones.... and yes, deployment is tough but you did get through it.
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    #4
    Thanks for the kind words and support!
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly2244 View Post
    So, I just joined today and I posted a brief thread in the newbie sections. For a little bit of a background, I met my DB online 4 1/2 months ago. He is in the National Guard and I have been interested in joining the National Guard after I complete school, so we first connected with that. We officially met in person 3 months ago today. We live about 4 hours away from each other. Emotionally, things went very quickly. I am not an easy person to deal with in a relationship because of my insecurities and then he can also be stand offish and shut down during times of stress. We both have a child of our own and work very different hours, so sometimes talking can be tough.

    He is currently at his annual training and I am having a tough time with it. Things were a little rocky before he left because between his job hours increasing and getting ready to leave he was stressed. And I guess I have not been the most understanding person. He is away for three weeks instead of two because they had to travel. Communication is spotty, but usually daily. There has been a few days where there has been no communication at all. I just don't know how these things go. Is it normal to not be able to talk for a few days in these situations? At first he said there will be 10 days where we can't talk at all, then as time came closer to leave he said he would be able to. Is this normal not to know?

    In addition, he is talking about possible deployment. He said the last two times his unit went through this certain training, they were set to deploy. He also said he may find out while they are at annual training. I am also lost about how those things work as well. I have been good and not pushed any information and basically let him text me when he wants. Yet no phone calls. Like the title says, I just have no clue about how all of this works.


    Thanks for reading my ramble!
    First off, welcome!
    DH is National Guard too. AT can be different for all units. For some they just go in the field to train. Others, go out of the country. My DH is going to Korea for a month this summer for his AT. Communication can always be a challenge. If he is in the field he probably cannot have his phone much, or honestly he will not be able to charge it. I know with DH in Korea we cannot communicate much because he will be working nights and the hours are just off. When DH did go into the field we never really were able to communicate because he was always busy or his phone died.

    Deployments are a bit different for the guard, from what I have heard from my friends who's husbands are active duty. We normally learn of them anywhere from 6 months to a year ahead of the actually deployment day. However, I know of units that found out they were deploying only 3 months beforehand. We knew of DH's about a year out, however, we didn't learn where he was going until 4 months prior because the actual orders kept changing. I know there are a few infantry units here in MD set to deploy in about 6 months to a year. However, I do know that some deployments can always be pushed back or moved with the guard.

    Honestly, the best advice I can give you is to roll with the punches and go with the flow. Things change constantly. There is no point is worrying about a deployment until the written orders are in his hands.
  6. Dancing Backwards in High Heels
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by CountryStrong View Post
    First off, welcome!
    DH is National Guard too. AT can be different for all units. For some they just go in the field to train. Others, go out of the country. My DH is going to Korea for a month this summer for his AT. Communication can always be a challenge. If he is in the field he probably cannot have his phone much, or honestly he will not be able to charge it. I know with DH in Korea we cannot communicate much because he will be working nights and the hours are just off. When DH did go into the field we never really were able to communicate because he was always busy or his phone died.

    Deployments are a bit different for the guard, from what I have heard from my friends who's husbands are active duty. We normally learn of them anywhere from 6 months to a year ahead of the actually deployment day. However, I know of units that found out they were deploying only 3 months beforehand. We knew of DH's about a year out, however, we didn't learn where he was going until 4 months prior because the actual orders kept changing. I know there are a few infantry units here in MD set to deploy in about 6 months to a year. However, I do know that some deployments can always be pushed back or moved with the guard.

    Honestly, the best advice I can give you is to roll with the punches and go with the flow. Things change constantly. There is no point is worrying about a deployment until the written orders are in his hands.
    Excellent advice! My DH is Guard as well. Like CountryStrong, DH knew of an upcoming deployment approximately 1 year in advance, but it was only about 3 months before when we knew it was actually going to happen.

    DH's AT is going to be long this year as well, and many in his unit, including him, say that their training is "feeling like" and upcoming deployment, but there hasn't been anything official handed down. AT sucks, as do drill weekends, and I hate and whine about them nearly every time, but you need to learn to accept that it is temporary and will get over before you know it.

    You just have to take life as it comes and don't worry about "what might happen", take it as it comes.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by CountryStrong View Post
    First off, welcome!
    DH is National Guard too. AT can be different for all units. For some they just go in the field to train. Others, go out of the country. My DH is going to Korea for a month this summer for his AT. Communication can always be a challenge. If he is in the field he probably cannot have his phone much, or honestly he will not be able to charge it. I know with DH in Korea we cannot communicate much because he will be working nights and the hours are just off. When DH did go into the field we never really were able to communicate because he was always busy or his phone died.

    Deployments are a bit different for the guard, from what I have heard from my friends who's husbands are active duty. We normally learn of them anywhere from 6 months to a year ahead of the actually deployment day. However, I know of units that found out they were deploying only 3 months beforehand. We knew of DH's about a year out, however, we didn't learn where he was going until 4 months prior because the actual orders kept changing. I know there are a few infantry units here in MD set to deploy in about 6 months to a year. However, I do know that some deployments can always be pushed back or moved with the guard.

    Honestly, the best advice I can give you is to roll with the punches and go with the flow. Things change constantly. There is no point is worrying about a deployment until the written orders are in his hands.
    Thank you so much for your reply! I know he was in the field all day Sunday and slept out there, so it makes sense for not hearing from him yesterday. It is just difficult because the only times we never communicated all day before was if we were having an argument, so it's a me problem getting more upset than I should. He is also very vague by nature, but he did let me know once when he was going to be MIA all day.

    But you certainly made me feel better with all the information about communication during AT and also what goes on with deployment. I really appreciate it. You are actually right dab in the middle of us, DB is in VA and I am in NJ. Right now he is in Louisiana. But wow, Korea, I wasn't even aware that they go out of the country.

    I will definitely take your advice to heart. It's funny because I never thought I would be bothered if I dated someone who had to deploy. In all reality, thinking about it makes me upset, so I will definitely try to put it out of my mind for now. He's said to me the uncertainty of whether he will or not is the hardest part for him at the moment.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by HisJuliet View Post
    Excellent advice! My DH is Guard as well. Like CountryStrong, DH knew of an upcoming deployment approximately 1 year in advance, but it was only about 3 months before when we knew it was actually going to happen.

    DH's AT is going to be long this year as well, and many in his unit, including him, say that their training is "feeling like" and upcoming deployment, but there hasn't been anything official handed down. AT sucks, as do drill weekends, and I hate and whine about them nearly every time, but you need to learn to accept that it is temporary and will get over before you know it.

    You just have to take life as it comes and don't worry about "what might happen", take it as it comes.
    Thank you! And I am glad I am not the only person who whines about it! Yes, exactly what he is saying about his AT, that it is feeling like an upcoming deployment and they are just waiting around to hear. He is switching to a unit that drills closer to him when he comes back from AT, but only if they don't deploy. If they do, he is sticking with his unit. I am going to take your advice and just take it as it comes.
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    Quote Originally Posted by HisJuliet View Post
    Excellent advice! My DH is Guard as well. Like CountryStrong, DH knew of an upcoming deployment approximately 1 year in advance, but it was only about 3 months before when we knew it was actually going to happen.

    DH's AT is going to be long this year as well, and many in his unit, including him, say that their training is "feeling like" and upcoming deployment, but there hasn't been anything official handed down. AT sucks, as do drill weekends, and I hate and whine about them nearly every time, but you need to learn to accept that it is temporary and will get over before you know it.

    You just have to take life as it comes and don't worry about "what might happen", take it as it comes.
    You are not the only one. I complain about drill weekends all the time. They aren't bad. It just seems that they always happen when DD is sick or we had plans that weekend or whatever. The only thing that does suck about the guard is that DH was called up for the Baltimore Riots and was there for the week without knowing really when he would be released. That was annoying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly2244 View Post
    Thank you so much for your reply! I know he was in the field all day Sunday and slept out there, so it makes sense for not hearing from him yesterday. It is just difficult because the only times we never communicated all day before was if we were having an argument, so it's a me problem getting more upset than I should. He is also very vague by nature, but he did let me know once when he was going to be MIA all day.

    But you certainly made me feel better with all the information about communication during AT and also what goes on with deployment. I really appreciate it. You are actually right dab in the middle of us, DB is in VA and I am in NJ. Right now he is in Louisiana. But wow, Korea, I wasn't even aware that they go out of the country.

    I will definitely take your advice to heart. It's funny because I never thought I would be bothered if I dated someone who had to deploy. In all reality, thinking about it makes me upset, so I will definitely try to put it out of my mind for now. He's said to me the uncertainty of whether he will or not is the hardest part for him at the moment.
    This is the second year he will be going to Korea for AT. The date changes every year though. Last year it was February, this year it's summer. Who knows what next year will bring. He's about to be promoted so he might end up in a new unit for all I know.

    Deployments suck. DH and I have been through one already. The unit he is hoping to switch into after being promoted is gearing up to deploy in about a year or so. You get through them one day at a time. Knowing that eventually it will come to an end, and the end, the welcome home, is the best part.
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    #10
    Yep, my DH is Guard too - Drill weekends stink but you learn to live with them. DH and I have been through deployment and one thing I've learned is orders change, dates change.... you need to learn to roll with the punches and be flexible!
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