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Thread: Want to keep in touch with boyfriend's family more often HELP ME!

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    Neutral Want to keep in touch with boyfriend's family more often HELP ME!

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    I and my sailor have been together for 7 months now. Now that my boyfriend is deployed in Hawaii, I feel like I need to connect to his family more often since I am his girlfriend and I don't want them to think: "What kind of girlfriend is she? She is just here when my son is home?" If you know what I mean. Even though I and my DB been together for 7 months, I will admit that I only see them when he comes home since he is always bringing me home to their house. (That is before He graduated in A school.) But every time he is away, I feel like they never even bother to contact me saying how am I ect. I am also trying via text but no responds. I know they are busy but I wish They can even at least reply one word after a week or so. The mom used to do that when my boyfriend is not yet deployed. But now my DB is deployed, I feel like everything kind of change. The last time I and my DB's mom talk, is Easter which is only for 5 minutes since she is handing Easter eggs to the kids that time. What should I do??? I mean, I care to his family just like how I care to my boyfriend.
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    #2
    I'd probably reach out through text a few more times. If you actually want to see them maybe invite them to specific things. Like "I've been wanting to try X restaurant. I'd love if you guys could join me this saturday", instead of just "we should meet up sometime". If they continue to ignore you, then I'd just leave it.

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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Elize View Post
    I and my sailor have been together for 7 months now. Now that my boyfriend is deployed in Hawaii, I feel like I need to connect to his family more often since I am his girlfriend and I don't want them to think: "What kind of girlfriend is she? She is just here when my son is home?" If you know what I mean. Even though I and my DB been together for 7 months, I will admit that I only see them when he comes home since he is always bringing me home to their house. (That is before He graduated in A school.) But every time he is away, I feel like they never even bother to contact me saying how am I ect. I am also trying via text but no responds. I know they are busy but I wish They can even at least reply one word after a week or so. The mom used to do that when my boyfriend is not yet deployed. But now my DB is deployed, I feel like everything kind of change. The last time I and my DB's mom talk, is Easter which is only for 5 minutes since she is handing Easter eggs to the kids that time. What should I do??? I mean, I care to his family just like how I care to my boyfriend.
    How many times in the 7 months that you've been together has he been home and taken you over to see them? It really just sounds like you guys haven't built a relationship or had a chance to become close and maybe you are envisioning being in a different place than they are. Is it that you want to be close to them or that you are worried about what opinion they will have of you? I think that you are looking at all of this from a different perspective than they are. You've reached out, they have responded (no response is a response).
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Ol' Grey Mare View Post
    How many times in the 7 months that you've been together has he been home and taken you over to see them? It really just sounds like you guys haven't built a relationship or had a chance to become close and maybe you are envisioning being in a different place than they are. Is it that you want to be close to them or that you are worried about what opinion they will have of you? I think that you are looking at all of this from a different perspective than they are. You've reached out, they have responded (no response is a response).
    I definitely agree with this.


    Give it time and perhaps your relationship will grow. DB's mother will occasionally text/call/FB message me, but when he's deployed she does it a whole lot more. But that took time.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Elize View Post
    I and my sailor have been together for 7 months now. Now that my boyfriend is deployed in Hawaii, I feel like I need to connect to his family more often since I am his girlfriend and I don't want them to think: "What kind of girlfriend is she? She is just here when my son is home?" If you know what I mean. Even though I and my DB been together for 7 months, I will admit that I only see them when he comes home since he is always bringing me home to their house. (That is before He graduated in A school.) But every time he is away, I feel like they never even bother to contact me saying how am I ect. I am also trying via text but no responds. I know they are busy but I wish They can even at least reply one word after a week or so. The mom used to do that when my boyfriend is not yet deployed. But now my DB is deployed, I feel like everything kind of change. The last time I and my DB's mom talk, is Easter which is only for 5 minutes since she is handing Easter eggs to the kids that time. What should I do??? I mean, I care to his family just like how I care to my boyfriend.
    You don't have to have a relationship with his family, especially if the main reason you would like a relationship is because you're scared of what they think of you.




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    #6
    From what I am reading you haven't much of a relationship with his parents before his deployment so you can't expect that all of a sudden you would have one now. You've reached out via text, no response and yes while that is a response some people are not very text friendly. Why not send them a card in the mail? It's a more personal touch... maybe opening that door to let them know you are thinking of them.
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    Ashley O: Thank you! that's a very good idea!
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    #8
    Take the initiative...but don't be pushy...on occasional "hope all is well!" or on special occasions "happy mother's day!"....don't get your hopes up for a response...but at least you're trying...the issue is on their end. I've never even met my BF's family because they live so far away but I absolutely intend to stay in close touch with them while he's gone. Even considering taking a trip up to meet them
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    It sounds to me like you don't really have a relationship with them yet, which is okay since this relationship is still somewhat new. If you weren't in touch with them much when he was around, why would it suddenly feel comfortable to them to be closer now? It would be weird to me if DH's family suddenly started chatting with me when he left, if I didn't know them well and we didn't do that while he was home.

    Also, have you talked with DB about this? What does he say? Does he *want* you to be closer with them when he's gone? If so, have him reach out to them and maybe even arrange a night for dinner together or something.
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    #10
    Hmm... if they haven't returned your responses for texts, I would stop. Next time you talk to your boyfriend tell him that you would like to cultivate a better relationship with his family and see what he says. If he says thats cool, then ask him if the next time he talks to his parents if he could mention that you would like to keep in contact. Personally, my (now) inlaws didn't want anything to do with me while I was "just" a girlfriend unless I was with their son. That's not to say they were mean. They included me in family events where DH (then-DB) was attending, but they didn't reach out to me personally until after we were married.

    Relationships change so quickly that I think sometimes families don't want to get too involved or attached prematurely.

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