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Thread: Do you ever feel numb?

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    #1

    Do you ever feel numb?

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    DB and I have been dating for almost 9 months, have talked somewhat jokingly about marriage and I'm very close with his family. I really love him but at the same time I'm having an internal battle about how I feel. Is it normal to ever feel numb to your relationship? Does it last?

    He just graduated from MCT today and it was the first real time I've spoken to him on the phone in a month. It was awesome to hear his voice but it was so awkward for both of us and we were both searching for things to talk about and we're just making small talk. I don't know if it's just because we're not used to talking to each other or what. I was so happy to talk to him and I was overwhelmed and cried when we got off the phone. But at the same time for the last few days I've been worrying that something's wrong with me. All I want to do is support him and be there for him through all of this and love him. I'm frustrated and feeling alone since I don't know anyone in this sort of relationship that would understand where I'm coming from.
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    #2
    I completely understand what you are talking about. I have felt this way many times. Its the internal battle between wanting to be there for your DB and support them and give them love, but also having to struggle with being away from them a lot and not being able to talk to them all the time. I definitely have had times where I would think is this really what I want. It's a lot to ask of someone to be away from the person they love so frequently. It takes a toll on anyone and I have definitely felt overwhelmed at times and thought maybe I'm not cut out for it. However....I have learned through my relationship how strong of a person I actually am. I hate to say it takes some getting used to/comes with their job and the military life, but you truly do learn that if your DB is the person you are meant to be with, then in the end no matter how long you go without talking to them, its all worth it. Its normal to have that internal battle. Don't feel bad and don't think somethings wrong haha. When you start to feel that way just do something that relaxes and calms you. Something that makes you stop for a second and take your mind off things. Just realize it's normal, even in non-military relationships
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    #3
    I think it's okay to feel weird after not talking for a bit. E and I have been together for almost 4 years and we certainly don't always have things to talk about. Sometimes we just sit there and enjoy each other's presence while we do our own thing. Words aren't always necessary. I remember we didn't talk for a month once when he was deployed the first time and he called and I was like "duhhhh I don't even know what to talk about". There's ebb and flow to relationships. It's not always going to be high on love.

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    #4
    I'm so glad to hear that you guys understand what I'm feeling! While he was home on boot leave we had a weird period too of trying to get used to each other again. He is what I want and I love him dearly. Being in this military relationship is a whole new world for me so I'm never sure if what I'm feeling is wrong or if it's normal. I'm generally a positive person. I know that I can do this and wait for him. I don't want anyone else. It just causes me to feel guilt at times like I'm a horrible selfish girlfriend! And I'm the worst overthinker haha so that adds to my emotions sometimes. Thank you guys though for your encouragement and reassurance. It helps to know I'm not totally alone in what I'm feeling.
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    #5
    I get where you're coming from. It's also important to realize that we overthink everything. I know with my marine, I won't talk to him all day and I'll be kinda worried because most of the time I hear from him a lot, or some other similar situation where we don't talk for a while or we barely talk for a week - and I ask if anything is wrong, or feel like something is wrong between us -- AND IT'S JUST ME OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING BECAUSE I'M CRAAAAZY. Not literally, but literally. I just saw the word overthinker in your post ^ hahaha. I'm such an emotional person I can't BELIEVEEE he puts up with me the way he does. One minute I'm crying and the next I'm twirling and singing like nothing is wrong. It's the military rollercoaster! One-way ticket to the top and then the ride keeps reversing to the top and you keep falling, then relaxing, then falling, then relaxing. Best way I can explain it. I think any feelings or emotions you have are justified as long as at the end of the day, this is where you want to be (figuratively), in this relationship and with him. You're never ever alone You can always PM me if you need to vent your emotions out! Marine Corps life is tough tough tough, gotta have people in your corner that understand your feelings
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    #6
    I do overthink everything and more often than not, it does nothing but cause me problems. I assume that when he goes without talking to me that he doesn't want to talk to me for something that I did and then that turns into him not missing me and he's going to end it haha. It's a horrible cycle that I'm working on controlling. But he knows this about me and is so patient when I get overly emotional and worry over pretty much nothing. Thanks for understanding though! It's such a relief.
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    #7
    I absolutely understand. I know my DH and I have had many moments of silence on the phone when he's deployed. Totally normal! Being in a military relationship is like no other and takes so much trust, time, understanding etc. It's a constant learning process for me!!
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Nikid91 View Post
    I do overthink everything and more often than not, it does nothing but cause me problems. I assume that when he goes without talking to me that he doesn't want to talk to me for something that I did and then that turns into him not missing me and he's going to end it haha. It's a horrible cycle that I'm working on controlling. But he knows this about me and is so patient when I get overly emotional and worry over pretty much nothing. Thanks for understanding though! It's such a relief.
    I understand completely! I am currently going through something similarly. DB just graduated from boot camp last week and we've been able to talk for a few minutes each day, and I'm overthinking everything he says or doesn't say. It sucks to automatically think the worst, but I know that he's tired and stressed and I shouldn't take it personally. Of course I do, but that's my problem because he sent me a 7 page letter in the last week of his boot camp about how much he misses me and thinks I'm an amazing woman So, I try to remind myself of that when the negative thoughts get really strong. Plus, my anxiety manifests itself physically (i.e. heart racing and tightness in my chest) so breathing exercises can help too! You just have to really focus on them Glad you are working on it and I hope things get easier for you!

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