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Thread: New Boyfriend and new frustrations :(

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    #1

    Hello New Boyfriend and new frustrations :(

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    Hi! I just need some help or advice. I've been reading many post to find some hope, and they are very interesting, but I decided to write about my own case.
    My DB and I met just 1 month before his deployment. I'm 32 and he is 39, we both are recently divorced from other relationships. He is a nice guy and I feel so proud of him, so mature and educated... I LOVE HIM, we are in love. I'm not used to this situation because I'm not from EEUU but I'm doing my best for us and he feels so proud about how I'm handle this, but he doesn't know what's behind the scene haha!...
    We have around 4 months just talking and doing video mostly by Skype and rarely by FB. First days we were talking almost everyday but now 1 day a week or 2... When I see his face is like to see the sunshine , we spend "hours" talking when connection is good and he lets me know how much he loves me and talk about our future, but when I'm not in contact with him, I feel like I'm losing the faith... Sometimes I see he has had activity in FB and I feel he is ignoring me or avoiding me (I heard about the bad internet acting weird but I'm not so convinced). Sometimes he say: "I will talk to you tomorrow" or "I will talk to you in 2 hours" and never happen and I lose time waiting but next time he apologies for some inconvenience... He is thankful for my understanding but really inside I'm desperate sometimes...
    I try not to send any message because if he is busy, I don't want to disturb or to give him hard work reading my stuffs... But at the same time is frustrating. Is hard because I came from a very bad relationship and sometimes I feel like I'm going to another bad relationship (I don't know if you guys got me I'm not comparing him, is not fair for him), but all this new experience is so difficult! A friend of him dies the other day, he was crying I was so worried and I wanted to cry but didn't show him, just trying myself to be strong for him. He will be in the service 'till the end of year and I'm doing my stuffs: working, busy... But he is always on my mind. He says: "always know that I love you a lot, I love you very much", I try to keep this in mind to stay strong and wait for him, but is really hard for me not having doubts and imagine things or if he really thinks about me as he says.
    I'm here waiting, checking Skype for some messages, hoping to see his pretty eyes to feel again safe... It is so intense! Please, some advice. God bless you guys!!
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    #2
    You say you are recently divorced.... Both of you. Did you guys give yourself enough time to heal from your respective divorces? I only mention that because rebounds are very common after divorces and since this is a new relationship for both of you, infatuation is at an all time high right now. What really struck me about your post is that you said you feel like you are headed into another bad relationship. Why?

    While it is true that military relationships are frustrating, it should not be causing you this much stress. You shouldn't feel like you are disturbing him- especially at your ages. You want to send him a note to tell him you are thinking of him, great. Do so- he will read it when he gets time and hopefully will send a similar message back.
    That being said, some advice- significant others of military personnel need to be strong, keep themselves occupied and have trust in their relationships or it isn't going to work. There will be many days when the communication may be close to nil due to what they are currently doing. You have to keep yourself busy and not wait by the Internet. Otherwise, you will be miserable which will translate into your relationship.
    Ask yourself some tough questions- why do you need to hear from him to feel safe? Why are you feeling unsafe? Why do you think this is may be a bad relationship? Why are you feeling desperate?

    In a healthy relationship, you both have time together and time apart. You trust one another during your time apart. Time apart doesn't give you anxiety- know what I mean. Are you from a Latin country? How far are you expecting this relationship to go? Is this long distance for you? I do think there are standard military issues here, like communication failures, but I also think you have some questions to ask yourself since you are recently divorced and trying to figure out what life is like post divorce.
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    Hi, Armychica! Your message has shaken me! First, I want to thank you for taking the time to reply. Second, I am latinamerican, so, my English is good but sometimes I use words that maybe misunderstand. I will let yo know.
    Well, answering your question, I'll be be more clear:
    1-) I have to say that we met accidentally (that's the way we call it)... I was taking my time, I was not thinking about something serious or any kind of relationship but he was very honest and sincere and the most important is he never treated me like a woman in needs, we both are handling very well our latest relationships, is very funny but we are very strong about that. I just accepted his proposal to build a friendship but that became a relationship. Thanks for mention that fact about our divorces is important and we agree be always honest each other with that and what we are expecting for this relationship. I had some issues trusting in our early days because my ex cheated me and all this military life is very new for me (what a combination!). But we are ok. His deployment was less than 1 month after we met.

    2-) I do not mean that I'm heading a bad relationship, I mean I left a problem to get into another problem (You know what I mean?) I do not mean that be in a military relationship is bad or something.

    3-) I send him songs, poems, quotes... Important things I've been doing, photos... But, when I feel he is ignoring me because I see some activity, I get my mind blocked and I feel that maybe I'm disturbing. And I hate FB for show me things that maybe are not real, and Skype today get close suddenly, so we almost never finish our conversations, and for example, seems like he hung up the call, I'm not sure (we were making jokes about our jobs, I'm interior designer and I say something about his job. Did I say something wrong saying "I could die carrying furniture"?) A friend of him dies on last Friday, is was that stupid? he said I'm silly and the call ended. Has silly a bad meaning? I'm confused. We had a great conversation today and this happened. I don't know if he gets angry... I NEED SOME WORDS ABOUT THAT...

    4-) When I say "safe" I mean is like be "secure", sometimes I need help to handle my insecurities, that's the right expression, I think. I feel that I'm in a real relationship when I talk to him -is when I affirm that-, and I know that should not be that way... When I feel "desperate" is that I feel with anxiety because I'm not used to be under these distances but I think is a matter of time and I'm always looking for information to work on that. (That's why I'm here, also because I don't want to give him stress questioning him).

    5-) I'm from a Latin country, yes! And personally, I wish this relationship goes far, because he is a great person, sensitive, and proud of his work and is admirable, he is a very special guy. We both want to go far and we both are waiting for the they he comes home. We talked about how many kids we want to have (we don't have kids), about studies and stuffs in future.

    According to what I read, those communication issues are common, the hard waiting... but I was needing customized attention. We only have about 3 months talking from the distance and all of this is new for me, and to know one friend of his team was killed during a mission that he was working too, was shocking for me. I don't want to lose that guy, this is the reason why I'm looking for some hope to keep me doing my job until he comes.
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    Quote Originally Posted by armychica06 View Post
    You say you are recently divorced.... Both of you. Did you guys give yourself enough time to heal from your respective divorces? I only mention that because rebounds are very common after divorces and since this is a new relationship for both of you, infatuation is at an all time high right now. What really struck me about your post is that you said you feel like you are headed into another bad relationship. Why?

    While it is true that military relationships are frustrating, it should not be causing you this much stress. You shouldn't feel like you are disturbing him- especially at your ages. You want to send him a note to tell him you are thinking of him, great. Do so- he will read it when he gets time and hopefully will send a similar message back.
    That being said, some advice- significant others of military personnel need to be strong, keep themselves occupied and have trust in their relationships or it isn't going to work. There will be many days when the communication may be close to nil due to what they are currently doing. You have to keep yourself busy and not wait by the Internet. Otherwise, you will be miserable which will translate into your relationship.
    Ask yourself some tough questions- why do you need to hear from him to feel safe? Why are you feeling unsafe? Why do you think this is may be a bad relationship? Why are you feeling desperate?

    In a healthy relationship, you both have time together and time apart. You trust one another during your time apart. Time apart doesn't give you anxiety- know what I mean. Are you from a Latin country? How far are you expecting this relationship to go? Is this long distance for you? I do think there are standard military issues here, like communication failures, but I also think you have some questions to ask yourself since you are recently divorced and trying to figure out what life is like post divorce.
    Hi, Armychica! Your message has shaken me! First, I want to thank you for taking the time to reply. Second, I am latinamerican, so, my English is good but sometimes I use words that maybe misunderstand. I will let yo know.
    Well, answering your question, I'll be be more clear:
    1-) I have to say that we met accidentally (that's the way we call it)... I was taking my time, I was not thinking about something serious or any kind of relationship but he was very honest and sincere and the most important is he never treated me like a woman in needs, we both are handling very well our latest relationships, is very funny but we are very strong about that. I just accepted his proposal to build a friendship but that became a relationship. Thanks for mention that fact about our divorces is important and we agree be always honest each other with that and what we are expecting for this relationship. I had some issues trusting in our early days because my ex cheated me and all this military life is very new for me (what a combination!). But we are ok. His deployment was less than 1 month after we met.

    2-) I do not mean that I'm heading a bad relationship, I mean I left a problem to get into another problem (You know what I mean?) I do not mean that be in a military relationship is bad or something.

    3-) I send him songs, poems, quotes... Important things I've been doing, photos... But, when I feel he is ignoring me because I see some activity, I get my mind blocked and I feel that maybe I'm disturbing. And I hate FB for show me things that maybe are not real, and Skype today get close suddenly, so we almost never finish our conversations, and for example, seems like he hung up the call, I'm not sure (we were making jokes about our jobs, I'm interior designer and I say something about his job. Did I say something wrong saying "I could die carrying furniture"?) A friend of him dies on last Friday, is was that stupid? he said I'm silly and the call ended. Has silly a bad meaning? I'm confused. We had a great conversation today and this happened. I don't know if he gets angry... I NEED SOME WORDS ABOUT THAT...

    4-) When I say "safe" I mean is like be "secure", sometimes I need help to handle my insecurities, that's the right expression, I think. I feel that I'm in a real relationship when I talk to him -is when I affirm that-, and I know that should not be that way... When I feel "desperate" is that I feel with anxiety because I'm not used to be under these distances but I think is a matter of time and I'm always looking for information to work on that. (That's why I'm here, also because I don't want to give him stress questioning him).

    5-) I'm from a Latin country, yes! And personally, I wish this relationship goes far, because he is a great person, sensitive, and proud of his work and is admirable, he is a very special guy. We both want to go far and we both are waiting for the they he comes home. We talked about how many kids we want to have (we don't have kids), about studies and stuffs in future.

    According to what I read, those communication issues are common, the hard waiting... but I was needing customized attention. We only have about 3 months talking from the distance and all of this is new for me, and to know one friend of his team was killed during a mission that he was working too, was shocking for me. I don't want to lose that guy, this is the reason why I'm looking for some hope to keep me doing my job until he comes.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Edel View Post
    Hi! I just need some help or advice. I've been reading many post to find some hope, and they are very interesting, but I decided to write about my own case.
    My DB and I met just 1 month before his deployment. I'm 32 and he is 39, we both are recently divorced from other relationships. He is a nice guy and I feel so proud of him, so mature and educated... I LOVE HIM, we are in love. I'm not used to this situation because I'm not from EEUU but I'm doing my best for us and he feels so proud about how I'm handle this, but he doesn't know what's behind the scene haha!...
    We have around 4 months just talking and doing video mostly by Skype and rarely by FB. First days we were talking almost everyday but now 1 day a week or 2... When I see his face is like to see the sunshine , we spend "hours" talking when connection is good and he lets me know how much he loves me and talk about our future, but when I'm not in contact with him, I feel like I'm losing the faith... Sometimes I see he has had activity in FB and I feel he is ignoring me or avoiding me (I heard about the bad internet acting weird but I'm not so convinced). Sometimes he say: "I will talk to you tomorrow" or "I will talk to you in 2 hours" and never happen and I lose time waiting but next time he apologies for some inconvenience... He is thankful for my understanding but really inside I'm desperate sometimes...
    I try not to send any message because if he is busy, I don't want to disturb or to give him hard work reading my stuffs... But at the same time is frustrating. Is hard because I came from a very bad relationship and sometimes I feel like I'm going to another bad relationship (I don't know if you guys got me I'm not comparing him, is not fair for him), but all this new experience is so difficult! A friend of him dies the other day, he was crying I was so worried and I wanted to cry but didn't show him, just trying myself to be strong for him. He will be in the service 'till the end of year and I'm doing my stuffs: working, busy... But he is always on my mind. He says: "always know that I love you a lot, I love you very much", I try to keep this in mind to stay strong and wait for him, but is really hard for me not having doubts and imagine things or if he really thinks about me as he says.
    I'm here waiting, checking Skype for some messages, hoping to see his pretty eyes to feel again safe... It is so intense! Please, some advice. God bless you guys!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Edel View Post
    Hi, Armychica! Your message has shaken me! First, I want to thank you for taking the time to reply. Second, I am latinamerican, so, my English is good but sometimes I use words that maybe misunderstand. I will let yo know.
    Well, answering your question, I'll be be more clear:
    1-) I have to say that we met accidentally (that's the way we call it)... I was taking my time, I was not thinking about something serious or any kind of relationship but he was very honest and sincere and the most important is he never treated me like a woman in needs, we both are handling very well our latest relationships, is very funny but we are very strong about that. I just accepted his proposal to build a friendship but that became a relationship. Thanks for mention that fact about our divorces is important and we agree be always honest each other with that and what we are expecting for this relationship. I had some issues trusting in our early days because my ex cheated me and all this military life is very new for me (what a combination!). But we are ok. His deployment was less than 1 month after we met.

    2-) I do not mean that I'm heading a bad relationship, I mean I left a problem to get into another problem (You know what I mean?) I do not mean that be in a military relationship is bad or something.

    3-) I send him songs, poems, quotes... Important things I've been doing, photos... But, when I feel he is ignoring me because I see some activity, I get my mind blocked and I feel that maybe I'm disturbing. And I hate FB for show me things that maybe are not real, and Skype today get close suddenly, so we almost never finish our conversations, and for example, seems like he hung up the call, I'm not sure (we were making jokes about our jobs, I'm interior designer and I say something about his job. Did I say something wrong saying "I could die carrying furniture"?) A friend of him dies on last Friday, is was that stupid? he said I'm silly and the call ended. Has silly a bad meaning? I'm confused. We had a great conversation today and this happened. I don't know if he gets angry... I NEED SOME WORDS ABOUT THAT...

    4-) When I say "safe" I mean is like be "secure", sometimes I need help to handle my insecurities, that's the right expression, I think. I feel that I'm in a real relationship when I talk to him -is when I affirm that-, and I know that should not be that way... When I feel "desperate" is that I feel with anxiety because I'm not used to be under these distances but I think is a matter of time and I'm always looking for information to work on that. (That's why I'm here, also because I don't want to give him stress questioning him).

    5-) I'm from a Latin country, yes! And personally, I wish this relationship goes far, because he is a great person, sensitive, and proud of his work and is admirable, he is a very special guy. We both want to go far and we both are waiting for the they he comes home. We talked about how many kids we want to have (we don't have kids), about studies and stuffs in future.

    According to what I read, those communication issues are common, the hard waiting... but I was needing customized attention. We only have about 3 months talking from the distance and all of this is new for me, and to know one friend of his team was killed during a mission that he was working too, was shocking for me. I don't want to lose that guy, this is the reason why I'm looking for some hope to keep me doing my job until he comes.
    QFP. I responded to your other posting but there is a lot more information in these posts. All of your feelings and your experiences are normal. If you read through the newbies postings you will see that during long distance there tends to be some lapse in communication whether it be from relationship causes or work causes. I really think that if everything has been wonderful up until now and that you trust him then you should not worry. If it becomes too long of a time then send him message letting him know your feelings and give him some time to respond.

    You said before that your friendship turned in to a relationship. Did you discuss that you are mutually dating each other only or is this an assumption because of the time you have been talking?
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    Quote Originally Posted by littlemissred View Post
    QFP. I responded to your other posting but there is a lot more information in these posts. All of your feelings and your experiences are normal. If you read through the newbies postings you will see that during long distance there tends to be some lapse in communication whether it be from relationship causes or work causes. I really think that if everything has been wonderful up until now and that you trust him then you should not worry. If it becomes too long of a time then send him message letting him know your feelings and give him some time to respond.

    You said before that your friendship turned in to a relationship. Did you discuss that you are mutually dating each other only or is this an assumption because of the time you have been talking?
    Hi!!! Thanks for your advice here! this is my first thread after I lost communication with him. Well, we are in a serious relationship, that's why I'm a little worried. I sent him a message today when I saw the activity on FB (as I said in the another post).... But he didn't see it and I think he just ignored me. You know about the joke I was talking in the other post, I would like to know if the men working over there tend to be very sensitives or something because this is the only reason I think he got upset with me maybe... But if it is so, is cruel his treat
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    Smile Similar experience!

    Hello,

    I am engaged and i am so incredibly glad to know i am not the only female who feels this way! I love my fiancee so much! Long distance is really hard though and having a support system is not only necessary but its crucial for spouses! If you ever need anything feel free to email me. Everything you said is exactly what i'm going through with my fiancee. I'm just so glad i'm not the only one with those thoughts or struggles. my email is sandmkeezer@gmail.com. Write any time! I would love to help be there for you! We women gotta stick together and help one another!
    Last edited by sandmkeezer14; 08-01-2015 at 01:23 AM. Reason: missed last part of my reply

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