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Thread: Long Distance about to get longer...

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Long Distance about to get longer...

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    I am new to this site but am very much in need of some help and support from people that are or have gone through something similar. My bf and I have been together for a year and half and dated previously for a few months. When we first date he was not en-listed but was already through boot camp and everything by the time we found our way back to one another. I live in Maine so this relationship has been long distance from the start and I don't know anyone that has dated someone in the military while they were serving. We have survived the distance and a long deployment and him being stationed over seas and just when he gets back to the states where we can plan more visits and start to have more of a physical relationship he finds out he is being stationed overseas for a few YEARS. He is absolutely the love of my life and I have know that since almost the beginning - marriage has been discussed even. But how do you survive numerous years apart with minimal visits and still keep the love there? I cannot imagine not talking to him or sharing details or exciting things in my life but is this something we can survive? I feel like since we have talked about marriage and we are not breaking up there is serious love there but this is a huge amount of time to overcome. Just looking for any kind of advice, thoughts, or personal stories. I do not wish to end the relationship at this time - if we try and it doesn't work out then at least we tried but for now I am looking to just hear from people that have also had these kinds of experiences. Just need some Help!
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    #2
    If the relationship is that serious and you've talked marriage, is there some reason to think you won't get engaged and married during the time he's gone? It might not be years apart, so try not to get ahead of yourself.

    As for long distance, just try to find ways to connect, and establish clear expectations and desires for each other. It helps prevent a lot of misunderstandings.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #3
    Five years long distance and still going strong. I am not in a military relationship but my DB and I have always been LD and will be for at least another year and a half. We make it work because there os no other option for us. Breaking up isn't an option, so we do what we have to to make it work in the mean time until we can be together permanently.

    I agree with what Villanelle said about establishing expectations. And also trust - without it LDR's just don't work.

    "You are platinum in a world gone grey."
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    #4
    I agree with what they said. The biggest thing will be establishing your expectations, particularly regarding communication. Also trying to visit every once in a while, if it is an option for you.

    But aside from what they said, you need to find things to take up your time while separated. Do you work? Go to school? Take classes or lessons in anything? Travel? Etc. Make plans! Do things you've always wanted to do! It will help the time pass faster.
    Deployment #1: Over!

    DB: feck fuck fack Me: What? DB: I can't believe I love you so damn much


    Extended separation #2: Over!
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    #5
    Thank you for these comments! I am going to try to visit him in the next week or so and see what we can figure on how to get through this. Visiting is an option just not very often - My family has already offered to make a family trip out of the visit. I work full time but I am in the process of going back to school next fall and changing careers which means I have a lot to focus on myself but right now all that change is scary plus dealing with more distance and less visits then expected. He is also less expressive with his emotions since he came home and that has been a hard change - I know that he went through a lot and has a lot to process on his own so I don't want to push but I need emotional support too and I need to feel like he is just as emotional invested as he says he is. Thoughts on how to maneuver through that?
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    #6
    The only thing that will help is to have an open, honest discussion with him. You have to talk with him about you are feeling, and about how he is feeling. He won't know how you feel otherwise. Sorry you're in a tough spot. I know the feeling, my DB can be really bad about feelings and emotions.
    Deployment #1: Over!

    DB: feck fuck fack Me: What? DB: I can't believe I love you so damn much


    Extended separation #2: Over!
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    #7
    I really appreciate you taking the time to offer some words and support - It has been hard to deal with all this without having anyone else who understands. I think we will figure this all out but only time will tell. I think this just came as such a surprise and it is happening so soon that neither of knows the right thing to say but I am determined to try! And if he loves me the way he always tells me he does then I hope he will put in the effort too. Now I just need to learn how to send care packages overseas!
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    #8
    You are right, time will tell. Just gotta hang in there. There's lots of info on here about care packages, it's easier than you'd think!
    Deployment #1: Over!

    DB: feck fuck fack Me: What? DB: I can't believe I love you so damn much


    Extended separation #2: Over!
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    #9
    I have been in an LDR for 6 years! We were just a regular LDR couple, which then ended up being a Military LDR because DB joined the Army, & thats how I ended up here. Lol. It has worked rather well actually. Obviously it would take time to get used to, but it is definitely manageable. The LDR community is quiet extensive. If you guys really do care about each other, it could work out. It takes time and effort, however it is worth it. I would not trade my LDR with DB for the world. It has really given us the opportunity to get to know each other better then most couples who live in the same place. It makes you value stuff regular couples normally would not. Stay strong and goodluck!
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    #10
    6 Years apart is amazing! I agree with the part about getting to know each other in different ways than normal couples - I feel like you really have to learn to pick and chose your battles too, you don't want to spend your one conversation fighting! He is going to Germany - not sure where yet - but does anyone have an idea what communication and everything is like over there?
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