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Thread: Feeling really alone. I don't know what to do.

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Feeling really alone. I don't know what to do.

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    Hi everyone,
    I recently posted about my boyfriend who is at BOLC and was not communicating with me after a fight we had over the phone. We have been in a serious relationship for 1.5 years and he recently moved with me (I got a new job) a couple months before he left for training. Before he left for training he told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that he's never loved anyone as much as he loves me. But after he left, his communication became much less frequent. We got in a fight over the phone one night but resolved it by the end of the conversation. After the fight, there was next to no communication.

    About 3 weeks ago he called and said that he is not sure he wants to be with me anymore. He said the fight we had at the beginning of his training really affected him (even though we resolved it by the end of the fight). He said that he is not breaking up with me but that he needs to focus on training. I told him I love him and that we could work through this if we just talk about it. He said that he is too busy with training and that doesn't want to say he loves me because he doesn't want to force it and then promptly got off the phone.

    I have given him space since that conversation. It has been 3 weeks and I received a text on my birthday and another asking if I was ok 12 hours after I got into a car accident (when it rains it pours). I keep very busy with my job and hobbies but most days I just feel lost... I don't know what to do or think. He is halfway through the training but the lack of communication is making me wonder what it will be like when he comes home. My greatest fear is that he will come home and break it off with me immediately and that I have been sitting here worried sick for months. It's like torture. The times I have tried to communicate simple things through email or text, he never responds. I am beginning to wonder if I am holding onto a relationship that is already gone.

    I am not sure what I am asking for by posting to this thread but any input would be much appreciated. I feel so lost and alone. I don't know what to do or think. I just move through life wondering what will become of us. I try to focus on my own life but I miss him and love him everyday wondering how he is doing and if he is ok. I feel so lost.
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Concerned147 View Post
    Hi everyone,
    I recently posted about my boyfriend who is at BOLC and was not communicating with me after a fight we had over the phone. We have been in a serious relationship for 1.5 years and he recently moved with me (I got a new job) a couple months before he left for training. Before he left for training he told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that he's never loved anyone as much as he loves me. But after he left, his communication became much less frequent. We got in a fight over the phone one night but resolved it by the end of the conversation. After the fight, there was next to no communication.

    About 3 weeks ago he called and said that he is not sure he wants to be with me anymore. He said the fight we had at the beginning of his training really affected him (even though we resolved it by the end of the fight). He said that he is not breaking up with me but that he needs to focus on training. I told him I love him and that we could work through this if we just talk about it. He said that he is too busy with training and that doesn't want to say he loves me because he doesn't want to force it and then promptly got off the phone.

    I have given him space since that conversation. It has been 3 weeks and I received a text on my birthday and another asking if I was ok 12 hours after I got into a car accident (when it rains it pours). I keep very busy with my job and hobbies but most days I just feel lost... I don't know what to do or think. He is halfway through the training but the lack of communication is making me wonder what it will be like when he comes home. My greatest fear is that he will come home and break it off with me immediately and that I have been sitting here worried sick for months. It's like torture. The times I have tried to communicate simple things through email or text, he never responds. I am beginning to wonder if I am holding onto a relationship that is already gone.

    I am not sure what I am asking for by posting to this thread but any input would be much appreciated. I feel so lost and alone. I don't know what to do or think. I just move through life wondering what will become of us. I try to focus on my own life but I miss him and love him everyday wondering how he is doing and if he is ok. I feel so lost.
    I'm so sorry OP. I would send him one email laying out your feelings and leave the ball in his court.
  3. Senior Member
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    It almost sounds like he doesn't want to break things off but still wants you to be in a relationship and be waiting for him when he gets back. That definitely wouldn't fly with me. It's good that he communicated his needs during training and I could definitely see how fighting and stress relationship-wise would hamper that, but if he wants to be in a relationship he has to talk to you.

    I'd communicate your needs, as well as a "plan" of sorts for how to deal with conflict while he's away. Maybe in the future, if the topic gets heated, you guys can discuss an appropriate strategy to deal with it/cut it off before it gets too heated? Again, that's the type of thing you need to communicate about. If he wasn't receptive to that idea or your needs, I'd personally be done. I wouldn't spend time wondering whether someone truly wanted to be with me or not--if they aren't acting as though they want to be with me and want me in their life, then it's best to cut ties and move on.
  4. Old Newbie
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    #4
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    Last edited by c_webs; 09-29-2015 at 08:37 PM.
  5. Senior Member
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by littlemissred View Post
    I'm so sorry OP. I would send him one email laying out your feelings and leave the ball in his court.
    Quote Originally Posted by JaneSays View Post
    It almost sounds like he doesn't want to break things off but still wants you to be in a relationship and be waiting for him when he gets back. That definitely wouldn't fly with me. It's good that he communicated his needs during training and I could definitely see how fighting and stress relationship-wise would hamper that, but if he wants to be in a relationship he has to talk to you.

    I'd communicate your needs, as well as a "plan" of sorts for how to deal with conflict while he's away. Maybe in the future, if the topic gets heated, you guys can discuss an appropriate strategy to deal with it/cut it off before it gets too heated? Again, that's the type of thing you need to communicate about. If he wasn't receptive to that idea or your needs, I'd personally be done. I wouldn't spend time wondering whether someone truly wanted to be with me or not--if they aren't acting as though they want to be with me and want me in their life, then it's best to cut ties and move on.
    Quote Originally Posted by c_webs View Post
    I'm sorry to hear that. It's hard to believe that one fight can make him rethink your entire relationship. I know BOLC is stressful, but what he is asking of you is unfair. I agree with JaneSays and communicate how you are feeling (like you did with us) with him. Based on his reaction, you can determine how you want to proceed with the relationship.


    They are right. Especially the bolded. You need to give him space because he asked for it, but he needs to communicate with you still because you are in a realtionship. If you love someone you dont, and shouldn't WANT to, cut all communication for weeks on end. Stressful situation or not. We all go through stressful things. He should be able to rely on you during these times.

    If he can't or doesn't want to, then you have to move on. Don't waste your time, and cause yourself pain waiting around on someone who like that.

    Deployment #1: Over!

    DB: feck fuck fack Me: What? DB: I can't believe I love you so damn much


    Extended separation #2: Over!

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