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Thread: New, but up for the challenge.

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Help New, but up for the challenge.

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    My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months. We both go to college full time and also work part-time. 2 days ago he told me that he was thinking about meeting with a recruiter to talk about a potential career in the Navy. At first, when he talked with his recruiter over the phone he was thinking about just joining the Navy Reserves until he graduates from college and then serve a term once he has his degree. Once he met with his recruiter, he recommended that my boyfriend should go active duty in July. That's 6 months away and we haven't been away from a each other for more than a week at a time. I'm supporting him through this because what kind of partner would I be if I told him no? Partner's are supposed to push each other in the right direction, not hold them back. I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I know that once he gets out of basic training that things will get easier, but for some reason I just can't accept it. I know it's only been 2 days and i'm still adjusting, and it will get better. It's a very touchy subject for me and if anyone mentions it, I breakdown. We are a very committed, loving couple and I know that we can get through this. But does anyone have any advice for me? Any type of advice is greatly appreciated. I'm looking forward to this long journey ahead of us and also looking forward to meeting people going through the same situation. Thanks!
  2. Talk Whovian To Me.
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    #2
    welcome to the site! What exactly do you want to know?
  3. Senior Member
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by jat_jo View Post
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months. We both go to college full time and also work part-time. 2 days ago he told me that he was thinking about meeting with a recruiter to talk about a potential career in the Navy. At first, when he talked with his recruiter over the phone he was thinking about just joining the Navy Reserves until he graduates from college and then serve a term once he has his degree. Once he met with his recruiter, he recommended that my boyfriend should go active duty in July. That's 6 months away and we haven't been away from a each other for more than a week at a time. I'm supporting him through this because what kind of partner would I be if I told him no? Partner's are supposed to push each other in the right direction, not hold them back. I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I know that once he gets out of basic training that things will get easier, but for some reason I just can't accept it. I know it's only been 2 days and i'm still adjusting, and it will get better. It's a very touchy subject for me and if anyone mentions it, I breakdown. We are a very committed, loving couple and I know that we can get through this. But does anyone have any advice for me? Any type of advice is greatly appreciated. I'm looking forward to this long journey ahead of us and also looking forward to meeting people going through the same situation. Thanks!


    How much college does he have left before he graduates? Does he want to go Enlisted and leave in 6 months?




  4. my kitchen is for dancing
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    Hi and wellcome
    Getting used to the new lifestyle far away from home and leaving my fear behind each day a little more.
  5. Team Rocket
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    #5
    welcome!

    It sounds like the recruiter is telling him to leave college before he graduates. This would make me uncomfortable; how does you boyfriend feel about it? Does he really want a degree or have a lot of time/money invested in school already?
    WiggleWiggle~ is my Wifey
  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by jat_jo View Post
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months. We both go to college full time and also work part-time. 2 days ago he told me that he was thinking about meeting with a recruiter to talk about a potential career in the Navy. At first, when he talked with his recruiter over the phone he was thinking about just joining the Navy Reserves until he graduates from college and then serve a term once he has his degree. Once he met with his recruiter, he recommended that my boyfriend should go active duty in July. That's 6 months away and we haven't been away from a each other for more than a week at a time. I'm supporting him through this because what kind of partner would I be if I told him no? Partner's are supposed to push each other in the right direction, not hold them back. I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I know that once he gets out of basic training that things will get easier, but for some reason I just can't accept it. I know it's only been 2 days and i'm still adjusting, and it will get better. It's a very touchy subject for me and if anyone mentions it, I breakdown. We are a very committed, loving couple and I know that we can get through this. But does anyone have any advice for me? Any type of advice is greatly appreciated. I'm looking forward to this long journey ahead of us and also looking forward to meeting people going through the same situation. Thanks!
    Welcome!

    I had a similar reaction when DH joined the Army. He came home from getting laid off and then told me that he was really going to pursue the military and enlist. I was a wreck. I tried breaking up with him... twice. (We were just dating at the time) I just couldn't handle that he wanted to leave and change our lives. It is hard and it sucks but in my opinion it is worth it to be there with him throughout his dreams. He was away at training for 5 months. Those five months were rough but they made my relationship stronger and made us appreciate each other even more. We value every moment we have together. It has never been easy but it has been incredibly rewarding. I think my long distance deployment relationship is 10x stronger and more valuable than it ever could have been if we just stayed the path we were on.

    You said in your post that you're having a hard time accepting it, but your last sentence says it all. You've already accepted it deep down, you just need a little time to handle your emotions. There is nothing wrong with that. Expect yourself to be a hot mess and an emotional wreck for a while. You'll develop coping mechanisms as you go. Make sure you make it clear to each other that while you are supporting his dreams, he needs to support your emotions. Easier said than done, but having open communication is key! Best of luck to you, OP. I hope you find all the support you need here and more.
  7. we were all rooting for you
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    #7
  8. Senior Member
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    #8
    I don't think it makes you a bad partner to talk it through with him. It sounds like a terrible decision, in most cases, to leave college and enlist.

    I'd tell him you support him and his desire to join, even if it is hard for you, but encourage him to at least talk to an officer recruiter before he signs anything, and find out what is available for him if he finishes college and tries to get a commission.

    Even if he doesn't want to be an officer, not finishing college is usually a bad plan. It seems like there's little reason to wait another couple years (no idea how far along you guys are). Yes, if he enlists he can probably use the GI Bill or tuition assistance to finish school later, but it is so much hard to go back to school than it is to just finish it. SO many people have the best intentions, but never end up being able to work out going back.

    That's what I would focus on. I'd a least want him to explore all the options and make in informed decision.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  9. Fresh Newbie
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by littlemissred View Post
    Welcome!

    I had a similar reaction when DH joined the Army. He came home from getting laid off and then told me that he was really going to pursue the military and enlist. I was a wreck. I tried breaking up with him... twice. (We were just dating at the time) I just couldn't handle that he wanted to leave and change our lives. It is hard and it sucks but in my opinion it is worth it to be there with him throughout his dreams. He was away at training for 5 months. Those five months were rough but they made my relationship stronger and made us appreciate each other even more. We value every moment we have together. It has never been easy but it has been incredibly rewarding. I think my long distance deployment relationship is 10x stronger and more valuable than it ever could have been if we just stayed the path we were on.

    You said in your post that you're having a hard time accepting it, but your last sentence says it all. You've already accepted it deep down, you just need a little time to handle your emotions. There is nothing wrong with that. Expect yourself to be a hot mess and an emotional wreck for a while. You'll develop coping mechanisms as you go. Make sure you make it clear to each other that while you are supporting his dreams, he needs to support your emotions. Easier said than done, but having open communication is key! Best of luck to you, OP. I hope you find all the support you need here and more.
    Littlemissred,

    Thank you for sharing your story with me. It's been a little over a week since he told me that we was going to be joining the Navy and i've been able to cope with my emotions so much better. The more I talk about the idea of him leaving, the more I see that it's the best thing for him to do. I also have my family and his family to help me through this time. But I couldn't be more proud of him and the decision he's making to better our future. I know it will be tough, but I believe when you say that our relationship will get stronger. I'm excited for what's in store for us and i'm excited to see him excel throughout the military.

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