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Thread: I'm doing better this time

  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

    I'm doing better this time

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    This is the second time I've had to say goodbye to my DF and I'm doing surprisingly well. He was at boot for 4 months, came back for about 3 weeks of leave and RA, and now he's been at MCT for 3 weeks. I think I cried more before he left this time than I did last time because I was anticipating him being gone, but I haven't truly sobbed since he left. At first I was a bit concerned thinking Do I not love him enough?? Is that why I don't feel horribly sad??, but I think I'm just getting better at handling distance and minimal communication. Of course it helps to know that we'll soon have more regular communication than during boot camp and I've already been able to talk to him for a few hours a couple days ago. I did feel sad initially, but it wasn't as overwhelming this time around.
    Is this normal? I think it's a good thing, but it feels odd...
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Lunarmoo View Post
    This is the second time I've had to say goodbye to my DF and I'm doing surprisingly well. He was at boot for 4 months, came back for about 3 weeks of leave and RA, and now he's been at MCT for 3 weeks. I think I cried more before he left this time than I did last time because I was anticipating him being gone, but I haven't truly sobbed since he left. At first I was a bit concerned thinking Do I not love him enough?? Is that why I don't feel horribly sad??, but I think I'm just getting better at handling distance and minimal communication. Of course it helps to know that we'll soon have more regular communication than during boot camp and I've already been able to talk to him for a few hours a couple days ago. I did feel sad initially, but it wasn't as overwhelming this time around.
    Is this normal? I think it's a good thing, but it feels odd...
    Do you sill miss him and feel giddy when you get to talk to him? If the answer is yes, then you do love him enough. It sounds like you're handling things just fine. Being independent is a good thing! Now, if you were sobbing uncontrollably all the time then that would not be normal.... being sad all the time is not a good way to handle the distance.
    Last edited by idratherbehiking; 01-27-2015 at 01:59 PM. Reason: extra sentence




  3. Old Newbie
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    I don't quite feel the rush of excitement when he called like I did during boot camp, but I did get excited when he texted me for awhile before calling. 3 weeks of no phone calls (and me not working or starting classes yet) didn't feel long at all and I was anticipating getting to talk to him soon anyways so it wasn't as exciting as when I didn't know he'd call.
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    #4
    Not feeling horribly sad is a good thing!! You're learning ways to cope without getting stuck feeling down, and it's very important to be able to maintain an independent life. Separations will get easier and it totally doesn't mean you love him any less!! TBH, I don't mind too much when Dh is gone anymore, since it means I can eat popcorn and beer for dinner and binge grey's anatomy and not keep up with dishes and laundry haha!
    WiggleWiggle~ is my Wifey
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    #5
    It gets easier. Plus, everyone copes in different ways. I know when my DB leaves for his next deployment, I'll deal with it differently than I did last year, because I'll have more going on in my life and it will seem easier to cope without him around. It's not a bad thing, because like I said, healthy coping looks different for everyone.
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    #6
    Thank you for your responses! I'm part of a Facebook group for family members and SOs of those who graduated boot with my fiancé and most of them are not handling it well, so it's hard not to think that I should be more upset than I am.
  7. we were all rooting for you
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Lunarmoo View Post
    Thank you for your responses! I'm part of a Facebook group for family members and SOs of those who graduated boot with my fiancé and most of them are not handling it well, so it's hard not to think that I should be more upset than I am.
    You're not supposed to feel a certain way. Everyone deals with hard time, separations, grief, etc. differently. I wouldn't pay too much attention to how other people are coping. My DB's mum put me in a Facebook group for mothers/family/SOs of his platoon back in 2012. I recently turned the notifications off because quite frankly I don't know these other people, I don't want to know what their kids are doing (they're all around the world now, none of the other Marines are anywhere near DB or even in touch with him) and I shouldn't feel bad for not being upset over something when everyone else is. I also realize that I'm sounding kind of cold hearted but this group is super moto.

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