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Thread: Boyfriend at BOLC, very little communication, should I be concerned?

  1. Fresh Newbie
    Concerned147's Avatar
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    Jan 2015

    Boyfriend at BOLC, very little communication, should I be concerned?

    Hi everyone, My boyfriend left for BOLC at the beginning of this month and I have received very little communication from him. We have been together for a long time now, we are very serious, and we live together. He is the first person I have dated that is in the military and I could use a little advice. The lack of communication worries me that something is wrong. He has always communicated with me while he was at previous trainings. I trust him and he does not have the tendency to cheat but he is normally a very good communicator and it has been almost two weeks since we have talked.

    Before he left for BOLC, he told me that he loves me more than he has ever loved anyone. He told me I did not have to worry and that we would talk most nights while he is at training. That was the case for the first 3 nights he was away and then the calls became less frequent and when I would call him, he wouldn't pick up. We got in a little tiff over it and came up with a plan to talk at a certain time on nights when he could call. It has been a week and a half since that conversation. He has never called and when I call him, he never calls back. I also text him with questions and he never responds. I became so concerned one night that I wrote him an email to tell him how worried I am and ask him if we are ok. He wrote an email back two days later saying that he was having trouble with his phone and got it fixed but never answered the question to tell me whether we are ok or not. I have tried to give him space since that email and I have not heard from him. It has now been almost a week since that email and I am worried sick.

    I have read posts on various websites. Some say that BOLC is nice because they have the evenings off to talk to their loved ones and to be concerned if there is no communication. Others say that BOLC is extremely stressful and hard on the trainee so not worry if there is very little communication. I am totally fine not communicating with my boyfriend if that is what he needs but I wish he could just tell me that our relationship is ok. My boyfriend's friend (who is also in the military) says he has not received communication from him either. He says that it is pretty typical because BOLC is so stressful. He says he is sure everything is fine. But I am still very worried because the lack of communication is so out of character for my boyfriend. Before he left he insisted I purchase a flight to go to the graduation but now I am worried he won't want me there.

    Has anyone else had a similar experience? Is this lack of communication typical? Should I be worried? Are there any thoughts about what I can do to help the situation? Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you so very much!
  2. Senior Member
    littlemissred's Avatar
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    Nov 2013
    Welcome to MSOS.

    I don't have any experience with BOLC but I would assume that it depends on his command. Hang in there Just because he hasn't contacted you doesn't mean he wouldn't want you to come to his graduation. If you are in a very serious relationship then lack of communication should not send all these doubts your way. Trust in your relationship. Trust in your boyfriend. Don't overcrowd him with insecure messages and voicemails. Send him one email or message with your feelings and wait it out. I know it's hard. My DH and I had only been dating for a little under a year before he left for basic and during that time we could only send letters. It is rough but you just have to stick it out! Long distance will test your relationship.

    Pop on over to the Newbies section and introduce yourself! We would love to get to know you and hope you stick around.
  3. Old Newbie
    c_webs's Avatar
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    Last edited by c_webs; 09-29-2015 at 08:33 PM.
  4. Regular Member
    Callmelaurenhb's Avatar
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    Feb 2015
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    Hey there!!

    I wouldn't worry too much. Give him his space and he'll come to you when he has the time too! He probably misses you a ton! Some of what they do can be super stressful and time consuming and sometimes they just don't want to talk/ can't talk. Trust me, sometimes it's better not to hear from them when they are in those kinds of moods stick it out and it'll be okay! And DEFINITELY go to the graduation! We are all here for you!

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