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Thread: Keeping the love strong?

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    #1

    Keeping the love strong?

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    Hey Everyone! My boyfriend is going to be leaving for the first deployment here soon and I have heard stories from numerous military wifes/girlfriends saying that their man has lost feelings and or fell out of love. I love my man with my entire heart and I can't wait until the day I will be called his wife. There's no doubt in my mind that he loves me but I want to know how to keep the love strong and keep us strong through out the deployment especially since its our first one we will going through, all I want is some advice on how to keep us strong and have the distance and little communication not damage us as bad. please help!
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    #2
    and ! I'm Samantha, my DB is deploying soon as well. I've never deployed and it will be his first, so I feel unprepared for it. I'd also like to know how those kept it going through deployment, because it is kind of a worry in the back of my mind as well. Maybe we can chat sometime!
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    #3
    monthly care packages
    love letters
    understanding that at times he will be busy, distant, unemotional. just put on a happy face for him. you need to be strong for each other.
    skype when you can. but understand when you cant. dont get frustrated at him.
    let him know how much you love and miss him. but be careful not to overwhelm him and make him feel guilty for not being there with you.

    thats what we did.
    and its very important to stray strong, and busy. You dont want him to feel like youre falling apart without him. It will cause him to feel like he cant take care of you, and you'll push him away. plus it helps the time go by faster if you pick up a bunch of hobbies :-p

    eta
    classy budior photos are a great goodie for care packages at the mid point. good motivator to keep them excited to get back to you :-p
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    Thank you both! I would love to keep in touch with you both because its so nice to be able to talk to people who are going through or have been through something like this.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeD87 View Post
    monthly care packages
    love letters
    understanding that at times he will be busy, distant, unemotional. just put on a happy face for him. you need to be strong for each other.
    skype when you can. but understand when you cant. dont get frustrated at him.
    let him know how much you love and miss him. but be careful not to overwhelm him and make him feel guilty for not being there with you.

    thats what we did.
    and its very important to stray strong, and busy. You dont want him to feel like youre falling apart without him. It will cause him to feel like he cant take care of you, and you'll push him away. plus it helps the time go by faster if you pick up a bunch of hobbies :-p

    eta
    classy budior photos are a great goodie for care packages at the mid point. good motivator to keep them excited to get back to you :-p
    I agree with the above. Especially understanding that he will be busy and distant. He is fighting a war. You've got to let him just do it and realize his actions are not personal towards you if he isn't all happy go lucky and stuff.

    However, I will issue a word of caution and believe me this is in no way meant to insult anyone or their husband's character... but I would NOT send sexy photos unless you are 200% convinced it is in a manner that is discreet and secure, and you know he won't share it. There are three reasons for this: 1. Guys really do share photos of their girlfriends and occasionally wives with others. They just do. They're men in a fucking war zone. I saw many photos passed around in Iraq. So, only you know your man but just be sure you REALLY know him... 2. You could seriously offend a local population with photos like that, and if they get out it can turn into a potentially dangerous situation. 3. If he mistakenly downloads one to a government computer, he will be in DEEP SHIT. Deeeeeeeeeep.

    So, be responsible with that kind of stuff.
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    I dont and didnt really plan on sending sexy photos, just doesnt apeal to me and im aware that its super risky so thats something im not interested in but thank you! thank you to everybody for the advice
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    #7
    Hi, and welcome! I agree with the above posters. Stay busy! Have your own life outside of him. Now is the time to cultivate other friendships, watch chick flicks, learn a new hobby, stuff you might not be able to do as much with him around. That way, if he does get a little "distant" or is unable to talk for awhile, you have something other than just him to fall back on. Plus it's just healthy to have your own life.

    As far as communication, I know it sounds 1950s ish, but I would let your man lead. I know guys who want daily emails even if they can't check, and others who feel overwhelmed. Every man is different, and you know yours best. Don't be offended that even if he CAN talk, he doesn't want to. He may be exhausted. He may want to go to the gym and zone out. He may really need to talk to his mama and not you that day. On those days when I really wanted to talk to my ex but he wasn't available/zoned out, I journaled like I was writing to him. That helped. Just have faith that your love is strong and you'll be good!


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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by emily511 View Post
    Hi, and welcome! I agree with the above posters. Stay busy! Have your own life outside of him. Now is the time to cultivate other friendships, watch chick flicks, learn a new hobby, stuff you might not be able to do as much with him around. That way, if he does get a little "distant" or is unable to talk for awhile, you have something other than just him to fall back on. Plus it's just healthy to have your own life.

    As far as communication, I know it sounds 1950s ish, but I would let your man lead. I know guys who want daily emails even if they can't check, and others who feel overwhelmed. Every man is different, and you know yours best. Don't be offended that even if he CAN talk, he doesn't want to. He may be exhausted. He may want to go to the gym and zone out. He may really need to talk to his mama and not you that day. On those days when I really wanted to talk to my ex but he wasn't available/zoned out, I journaled like I was writing to him. That helped. Just have faith that your love is strong and you'll be good!


    In my guys situation, he sometimes would rather listen to me than talk about things over there simply because there isn't much interesting to talk about. Or as he says sometimes SSDD (same s--- different day) I get the feeling that hearing me talk about things at home helps take his mind off of being over there. By things at home, I don't mean petty problems or complaints, just catching up on things or if something interesting or funny does happen. I have a notepad app on my phone that I'll write down if something happens that I would like to mention to him the next time I talk to him or write him.
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    #9
    I really wouldn't worry if you already have good communication and a solid foundation to your relationship. As weird as the first few weeks may be, it will come naturally. I agree with the rest of these ladies, you know each other best! Take cues from each other and let it all flow If you're really worried then you should talk about your expectations and goals for during deployment.

    I'm about 1/3 through my first deployment and so far it really has not been bad. It took us a while to figure out our communication style but we have it down now! We have really grown together during this time and we are still learning things about each other. We are definitely still very much in love (still growing in love every day) and have not had any major issues yet!

    One thing I will recommend (unless this is your normal), do not spend every moment on the phone. If you are sitting there breathing for 5 straight minutes and there is no conversation, it's time to go! I can't tell you how often my DH tells me that he hears his friends complain about that and how the guys are stuck on the phone for 4 hours with non meaningful, empty conversation that turns into a fight. Personally, I would rather have a 10 minute meaningful conversation than just spending hours on the phone. Pay attention to each other and focus intently! You'll definitely value that time more and it leaves less room for fighting or any reasons for anybody to become irritated.

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