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Thread: New to all of this. Need advice!

  1. Regular Member
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    #1

    Help New to all of this. Need advice!

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    My bf is a Marine officer in Japan and I feel like recently I'm really struggling with everything. He left in August and is stationed there until June 2016. He has leave time, but isn't sure when he wants to/ should use it since he really has been living day to day. We have known each other for a while, but unfortunately only started getting really serious a couple months before he left. I care so much about him, but I just feel so unsure, not for any particular reason, just if I am strong enough to do this. I always said I could never be a significant other of a military man because I don't know how girls do it. But now I am, and I wouldn't change it for the world. He's amazing and in my mind, there is no one else. I'm just not getting a lot of support from my friends and family about this because they think I'm crazy for wanting to stay with him with so much uncertainty. I know I want to, but sometimes I'm scared HE doesn't want me to because it is such a commitment. He says he wants me to he healthy and happy, and I am most days. We do get to talk often (thank God) when he is not in training or out on field exercises, but he doesn't regularly show emotions as he use to when he was home. I understand why, but it does make me sad and enhances me being unsure. Do I say something? I always feel as though I shouldn't talk about how I feel, because after all he is the one that is so far from home and I never want to upset him.
    Thanks in advance ladies!
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    Hey, I understand how you feel in some ways. My DB and I were together for about 2 and 1/2 years before he left for Hawaii, so we I guess you could say a bit more stable, but it has been very tough regardless of that. I never really thought about being away from him and how that would be when he commissioned (we had met in college)- I guess I always thought wherever he got stationed, I would go to and get a job and work. And yes for deployments we'd be apart, but I just never took the time to think or prepare, if you even can, until he was pretty much leaving. We always joked that we are a "power couple"- just great together, never fighting or anything. Recently, I've felt like a hot mess- having breakdowns at work, at home, over nothing, over everything little thing. I've tried to open up to my DB to let it out, and so he can calm me down because he's about the only one I listen to haha but it's more of a temporary fix then a permanent solution. Sometimes I really want to tell him how upset I am, but then I think, he's busy and stressed and tired so I don't need to bring him down- I need to stay positive when talking to him, but it is just so hard.

    Loving him and knowing that he loves me keeps me going. Family support is sometimes hard to get all the time because they really don't know what it is like, but try to just take things day by day. Everyone has bad days, as well as good days so don't worry about that- it's normal. If your guy can't be as emotional as he used to be, you could say something and maybe he can write you emails and express how he feels, instead of trying to say it on the phone when others may be around. I need to follow my own advice, but I think it's only fair to try and communicate about things and not keep them in. If he cares about you like you say he does, he'll want to listen, help you, and have you end up happy. If you're worried about commitment, just let him know you're in this and willing to work on things- it's going to take time to adjust and it will always be hard to get through time apart.

    Good luck- always here to listen!
  3. Regular Member
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    #3
    Thanks so much for the support! I feel kind of crazy sometimes haha and it's nice to hear I'm not the only one, even though I knew I wasn't. I'm just trying to find the right time and the right words to tell him how I feel. He's got a lot of training going on this winter and I know it's going to be tough for both of us.
    Your advice is great and you should definitely follow it too, I know so much easier said than done though!
  4. we were all rooting for you
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    #4


    You'll find people here with similar experiences and advice for you. When you get a minute, you should post a thread in the newbies section and tell us more about yourself
  5. Regular Member
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    #5
    Thanks! I will

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