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Thread: Not Feeling Missed?

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Not Feeling Missed?

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    So my husband is deployed in Bahrain. He's been gone since August. He's put in for leave around New Years. I of course am extremely excited. Not seeing him for 5 months drives me insane, and knowing I don't get him permanently home till August of next year sucks even further. So I know not to have expectations of doing a bunch of stuff when he gets back, and I'm okay with that. But the only Holiday I'm going to have this entire year is New Years. So I asked if I could plan that night for us. Somewhere not far, but also not in our home towns. I wanted to plan it with something he enjoys. Basically me bringing that up opened a whole new can of worms that I didn't expect. He says he doesn't even want to come back home for leave, and that he doesn't miss anything or anyone. I guess in my eyes I feel like "HI! You should miss me enough to come home", he complains that it's a waste of money etc. I'll be honest I'm extremely hurt. Our relationship is already suffering so I figured OF COURSE I wanna see you, I don't care about money or anything. We can sit in bed all 2 weeks and I'll be just fine with that. Basically I feel like he doesn't miss me or care enough to want to see me. I guess my main question is how do I cope with this? I'm hurt. I don't want to say anything without first thinking the whole situation through. Right now I can only see my side. Help mmeeee :')
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    #2


    I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. I would be very sad as well if my love didn't even think I'm worth the visit, esp. after all those months of not seeing each other. Perhaps he was just having a bad day?
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    #3
    I would be so sad if my DH didn't want to come home to see me after being apart for so long. I am sorry he said that
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    #4
    I see where you say he said he doesn't miss anyone or anything. But is it possible his reasoning is that it would be too hard for him to come home after all that time to just have to leave soon after for several more months?

    Last deployment my husband and I had a few times when we could have had a video chat but I turned it down. It was too hard to see him knowing it wouldn't be for long and he wouldn't be home for months. He agreed with me, too.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by BLBnJVB3 View Post
    I see where you say he said he doesn't miss anyone or anything. But is it possible his reasoning is that it would be too hard for him to come home after all that time to just have to leave soon after for several more months?

    Last deployment my husband and I had a few times when we could have had a video chat but I turned it down. It was too hard to see him knowing it wouldn't be for long and he wouldn't be home for months. He agreed with me, too.

    To the bolded: That's the very first thing that popped in to my head reading the OP. That very well could be it.

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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by BLBnJVB3 View Post
    I see where you say he said he doesn't miss anyone or anything. But is it possible his reasoning is that it would be too hard for him to come home after all that time to just have to leave soon after for several more months?
    That was my first thought as well. Sometimes it's easier to feel a bit distant and protect yourself from some pain. Having said that I would still be very hurt if my husband said he didn't want to come home and that he thought it was a waste of money to see me. I hope everything works out and that the rest of your time apart goes better.
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    #7
    My husband is gone often with us being in Japan. They got away to the Philippines almost every other month it seems. He constantly talks about how much he misses our daughter, and when I say "what about me" he usually says that he doesn't really miss me that much because he's used to it. It sucks hearing, and as foolish as it sounds, I get extremely jealous that my daughter is the only one who gets the "I miss..." facebook statuses and phone call rants. I totally understand how hurt you are by him saying that.
    But in the same note, I think I may understand where he is coming from, with all that my husband has explained with his "not missing me" as much as our daughter. He comes home, and will be back for a week before they leave again some times, and when that happens, I never fail to hear the "I might as well have just stayed gone". It's hard on them to come home and then have to leave again right away, especially after that long away. It could be something else completely, but it could also very well be that mindset of coming home just being a tease, and doing more harm than good for his morale.
    Also, keep in mind he has only been gone no more than 2 months right now. He hasn't had a chance to really sit and think about how much he misses anything or anyone. He's still got 10 months to go, so he is probably trying not to put himself in that mindset just yet. It could just be a wall he is putting up to protect his feelings and attitude from going into a bigger slump that he probably already is in right now.
    Lastly, Bahrain is one hell of a place to be stationed and deployed. My husband's MEU stopped in Bahrain and he loved it. That was one of the places he went that I knew the skype dates were going to be short and to the point There is A LOT to do there to keep his mind off of feelings he may be trying to suppress. Especially since he just got there.
    Just give it some time. Make the plans, look forward to it, because chances are it will happen and he will be happy that you didn't listen to him being a downer.

    be cool.
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    #8
    I'm sorry. That would be really hurtful for me to hear, and I would let him know that. There may be other things at play, like him worrying about money or fearing that being home a short time will make things harder for both of, but the way he said ti was very callous and hurtful.

    I'd bring it up, without sounding accusatory. "Hey, I when you said that you don't want to come home and don't miss me [if he said those words and that isn't just your interpretation of things], I was really hurt, and I wanted to talk about it. Are you worried about money, or about it being difficult to be home for such a short time, or something else, or do you really mean what you said?"

    If he stands by his words, I don't know what to tell you, other than I'm sorry.

    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski

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