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  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

    Nutts Update

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    My original post on my situation with my boyfriend: On communicating.

    So I ended up going to a nice get together in the local area with some friends and had a great night last night. This morning I sent pictures to my boyfriend from the night. He really liked them. So I told him more about it. I figure now would be the best time to ask him how he's been. He seemed distant, per usual He said he was feeling bummed, and I asked if he wanted to talk about it. He said no. I told him how me and his friends missed them. He said he missed them, too. And said he missed a lot of things, like privacy, seclusion. I told him don't be afraid to talk to me about it. He said he was fine. So I changed the subject. I eventually asked him I was thinking of sending him a care package, and he said it was fine, he didn't really need anything. I said can I send one anyway. He said he's good, but he thanked me. I told him my plans of getting an autograph from a voice actor for him, and he said I didn't have to do that. I said I didn't want him feeling down. I also asked again if he was sure he didn't want to talk about anything. He says there's just a lot of things to think about and how to approach things. I said I've been thinking too, of my choices that I've made, how sometimes you can feel at your lowest but have to remember why you made those decisions in the first place. And he said he hoped I've been making those decisions for my benefit. I said that statement meant he cared about me still, because I don't really know. Haven't had that reassurance in a long time. He only said he just needed time to think about things, and he said it was odd, but didn't say why he thought it odd. All I told him was that it was odd, and that I loved him. It doesn't do good to hide those things. So it was best to let him know, I think. I told him if he needed a month or more to think, I could give him that. He said it probably wouldn't take that long to think things through, and I told him I'd rather him think for a month than a week, because you can't rush decisions. I didn't want to rush him, but he shouldn't rush himself.

    From the original post, everyone said to get out, and to not deal with someone who doesn't know what they want. I'm not saying you guys were wrong, as it was sound advice. I just think he needs his space, to figure things out. I just am not sure this decision will lead to my happiness in the end. My friend in the Marines applauds my efforts, though, and says it's good to give him some space, and he wishes he could help me more. I'm just glad to have someone to listen.

    What do you all think?
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #2
    I think he is trying to ease himself out of the relationship because he doesn't want to end it himself. I think he is trying to get you to break up with him. I may be wrong and I hope I am, but I have seen it happen a lot.

    ~Art Page~
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  3. New beginnings :)
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by AndreaClaire View Post
    I think he is trying to ease himself out of the relationship because he doesn't want to end it himself. I think he is trying to get you to break up with him. I may be wrong and I hope I am, but I have seen it happen a lot.
    It kind of sounds this way to me as well. Whatever ends up happening, I hope you're happier in the long run!
    Philippians 4:13
  4. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #4
    If you were to ask him if he wants to be with you, the answer shouldn't be "well I need space to figure it out," or "maybe but I'm going through a lot right now" or anything like that.

    If answer is anything but "yes," it's a "no." That's my take on it ...
  5. ♡1 Peter 4:8 ♡
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    If you were to ask him if he wants to be with you, the answer shouldn't be "well I need space to figure it out," or "maybe but I'm going through a lot right now" or anything like that.

    If answer is anything but "yes," it's a "no." That's my take on it ...
    I agree. Sorry, OP, this may not be what you want to hear, but I really think it is time to move on.
  6. we were all rooting for you
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    If you were to ask him if he wants to be with you, the answer shouldn't be "well I need space to figure it out," or "maybe but I'm going through a lot right now" or anything like that.

    If answer is anything but "yes," it's a "no." That's my take on it ...
    This. This is basically what I said in the first thread. You deserve someone who knows what they want.
  7. Senior Member
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    #7
    It sounds like he wants out, but can't bring himself to say it because he doesn't want to hurt you.

    I'm a litle sad for you that you are staying in a relationship with a man who feels relatively indifferent about you. I hope some day you are in a relationship where you partner can't imagine ever choosing a life without you. To be cherished in that way is simply beyond description, and I hope that comes into your life at some point.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  8. Old Newbie
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    #8
    Thank you everyone. I am not sure what happened to change him, as he was that person who wanted to talk to me all the time, wanted to get to know me and wanted to be there for me. Even his friend, who is now my friend, is baffled by his behavior. Majority of other people who know him keep telling me just to wait, he'll figure it out, but...what am I really waiting on? A small, slim chance at a real relationship, which I haven't had in YEARS. Majority of guys my age just want sex; I want to build a life and have someone be there for me. I wanted to include him in that, but....is that really a reality now?
  9. Senior Member
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by JazziMae View Post
    Thank you everyone. I am not sure what happened to change him, as he was that person who wanted to talk to me all the time, wanted to get to know me and wanted to be there for me. Even his friend, who is now my friend, is baffled by his behavior. Majority of other people who know him keep telling me just to wait, he'll figure it out, but...what am I really waiting on? A small, slim chance at a real relationship, which I haven't had in YEARS. Majority of guys my age just want sex; I want to build a life and have someone be there for me. I wanted to include him in that, but....is that really a reality now?
    Then this is not your guy.
  10. Regular Member
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by CDNTrish View Post
    Then this is not your guy.
    Amen.

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