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Thread: On communicating.

  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

    Help On communicating.

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    Hey all I could use some advice. My boyfriend is currently on his 9 month tour. It's his second and final one. As we are a fresh relationship, it started off meeting in person. But we mostly talked over Facebook, so we were already used to this kind of communication, plus occasional phone calls and Skype time.

    However, I am not used to him not being THERE, you know? Him not supporting me like he once did. Saying all those sweet things that made me feel...important to him. We've had two arguments, one kind of pointless, now that I know what OPSEC means. It was mostly about putting our relationship status on Facebook, and now I know why he doesn't want to do that. But anyhow...He's been feeling distant, thinking about things and confused about what he wants. I just want to be able to better communicate with him and talk about things, but is talking about our future going to add to his stress and confusion?

    I figure that I should try to text him at least 1-2 times a week, to give him the space to reflect on that, even if it isn't what's directly on his mind, focusing on being over seas and all. My friend in the Marines, who actually knows my boyfriend, says to not worry too much, but I'm pretty much the definition of worry. I just hope things go well for us, that we come out strong and I can help him to readjust to civilian life. And move on from there. Any advice, opinions, thoughts would be appreciated!
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    #2
    He was mad because you put your relationship status on facebook, and used OPSEC as the reason?
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by JazziMae View Post
    Hey all I could use some advice. My boyfriend is currently on his 9 month tour. It's his second and final one. As we are a fresh relationship, it started off meeting in person. But we mostly talked over Facebook, so we were already used to this kind of communication, plus occasional phone calls and Skype time.

    However, I am not used to him not being THERE, you know? Him not supporting me like he once did. Saying all those sweet things that made me feel...important to him. We've had two arguments, one kind of pointless, now that I know what OPSEC means. It was mostly about putting our relationship status on Facebook, and now I know why he doesn't want to do that. But anyhow...He's been feeling distant, thinking about things and confused about what he wants. I just want to be able to better communicate with him and talk about things, but is talking about our future going to add to his stress and confusion?

    I figure that I should try to text him at least 1-2 times a week, to give him the space to reflect on that, even if it isn't what's directly on his mind, focusing on being over seas and all. My friend in the Marines, who actually knows my boyfriend, says to not worry too much, but I'm pretty much the definition of worry. I just hope things go well for us, that we come out strong and I can help him to readjust to civilian life. And move on from there. Any advice, opinions, thoughts would be appreciated!
    You deserve someone who knows what they want.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chikatoka View Post
    He was mad because you put your relationship status on facebook, and used OPSEC as the reason?
    No, he said he doesn't want it on Facebook, and said it was because he wanted to follow OPSEC, and because people would cause drama.

    I'm not sure what he's thinking but I don't want to give up. But I also don't want to waste my time, either....if we were not official I'm sure I would have waited for him. I don't know what changed. I know I'm a worry wort, but he's changed, too.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by KittenMittens View Post
    You deserve someone who knows what they want.
    This. I'm sorry you're going through this, OP.
  6. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by KittenMittens View Post
    You deserve someone who knows what they want.

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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by JazziMae View Post
    No, he said he doesn't want it on Facebook, and said it was because he wanted to follow OPSEC, and because people would cause drama.

    I'm not sure what he's thinking but I don't want to give up. But I also don't want to waste my time, either....if we were not official I'm sure I would have waited for him. I don't know what changed. I know I'm a worry wort, but he's changed, too.
    His relationship status doesn't have anything to do with operational security. And drama? So he just doesn't want people to know he's dating you? Not cool.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by JazziMae View Post
    No, he said he doesn't want it on Facebook, and said it was because he wanted to follow OPSEC, and because people would cause drama.

    I'm not sure what he's thinking but I don't want to give up. But I also don't want to waste my time, either....if we were not official I'm sure I would have waited for him. I don't know what changed. I know I'm a worry wort, but he's changed, too.
    I may be wrong, but I really doubt that his relationship status on facebook has anything to do with operation security. PERSEC maybe, not OPSEC though.

    Honestly, to me, if he does not want you to be "facebook offical" to save from drama and opsec, he may have something else going on.
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    #9
    I don't know.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by JazziMae View Post
    No, he said he doesn't want it on Facebook, and said it was because he wanted to follow OPSEC, and because people would cause drama.

    I'm not sure what he's thinking but I don't want to give up. But I also don't want to waste my time, either....if we were not official I'm sure I would have waited for him. I don't know what changed. I know I'm a worry wort, but he's changed, too.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chikatoka View Post
    I may be wrong, but I really doubt that his relationship status on facebook has anything to do with operation security. PERSEC maybe, not OPSEC though.

    Honestly, to me, if he does not want you to be "facebook offical" to save from drama and opsec, he may have something else going on.
    The only reason I can think of him not wanting you on his facebook is if he's going to MSG or some serious training, where he's not allowed to be married or in a relationship. Otherwise, using the OPSEC excuse is just bullshit. It sounds like he's embarrassed or doesn't want people to know you're dating, by blaming others' "drama" and OPSEC. If that's the case, I'd be thinking twice about my relationship.

    You deserve better, OP.
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