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Thread: Tips on how to cope with little communication

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    #1

    Tips on how to cope with little communication

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    My boyfriend has recently finished boot camp, and is now in AIT. the goodbye after family weekend was even harder than the first goodbye! Waiting to get a letter or hear from him for the first time is extremely difficult. I am also recovering from surgery so it is hard to keep myself active and busy since I cannot walk. Writing letters whenever I think about him helps, but does not fix it. I know it is impossible to fix the whole feeling of missing him, but any tips on how to cope with it or any ideas of what I can do in the meantime. I try my best to stay positive but feel as if I have been miserable this past week with tendencies to take it out on others. Does anyone else get like this sometimes? I would really like to work on not taking my moods out on others about missing my SIT. I know being in a ldr is hard, but definitely worth it. Waiting to see him again feels like forever, and waiting to finally get engaged and start our lives together is even longer but worth it, I got to finish nursing school first though (: Thanks! (this is my first post by the way, kinda all over the place but definitely glad I found this website, hard to relate to friends who are not in this situation).
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    Hi! I know exactly what you are going through. Once upon a time, my boyfriend (now husband) went off to Army boot camp. I wrote him a lot of letters but that lingering loneliness was difficult. He joined ROTC in college and I went through LDAC where we had even less communication than at Basic. Currently, he is at AT (he's in the National Guard), returns for two months, and then go to BOLC (officer's version of AIT) in Ft. Gordon, GA, for four months. I live in PA, so the chances of me being able to visit him much are very slim. I am praying he is able to come home for Christmas.

    The limited communication is definitely frustrating. We moved for his civilian job about a year ago and I am away from my support network which makes it even more difficult. No matter how many times I have been through this whole separation thing, it doesn't get any easier to say goodbye or handle him not being present with me. I love him so much and feel very incomplete when we are apart... my husband is my best friend and it is hard not having him there to talk to or hug each day. I miss his physical presence a lot. It is hard for my civilian friends to appreciate when they get to see their partners every day.

    I have found that reaching out to understanding friends is immensely helpful. Stay busy with work or school and try to get out and do things that you enjoy as much as possible. Even people who cannot completely comprehend what you are going through can be sympathetic and supportive. I am so thankful for my friends and the love that they show me. Never be afraid to share your feelings and emotions with trusted friends and family. I find that trying to bear the burden of the separation on my own only makes things worse.

    This is my first post too, so I hope it is helpful!
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    Hey there! My boyfriend is currently in AIT also , and he only gets to talk at night for like an hour but its so much worth it, he had just recently came home for leave and just left a day ago. It was way harder to say goodbye then, than it was saying goodbye for when he went to basic! So I know exactly what youre going through. Hes waiting on right now to find out were he will be deployed, Im just as nervous and scared as he is! I know deployment will be hard, but remember that although its hard for us its ten times harder for them and we need to stay strong for them as well for us. Goodluck and Im here if you need anything
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    When my ex was gone, I would keep a journal. I would write everything I wanted to tell him, without filter, but then save only the positive stuff or REALLY big issues for when I spoke to him. That helped me feel connected but not like I was just unburdening my whole life on him the limited times we could talk.

    To stay busy when you can't move- read. Binge on netflix. Take up a new hobby like crocheting or something you can easily do in one spot. Write stories or poems if you're somewhat creative. Plan activities you want to do with your BF when he visits/you visit him/after y'all are married/whenever.
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    thank you! that helped me I worry about what if Im not busy, I dont want to sit around and mope all day. so basically I should keep myself busy to make time fly??
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    Yep! You'll still have your moments, of course, but busier makes it easier.
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    Quote Originally Posted by campykaylee View Post
    thank you! that helped me I worry about what if Im not busy, I dont want to sit around and mope all day. so basically I should keep myself busy to make time fly??
    YES. Throw yourself into school or work... you would be amazed at both how productive you can be, and also how well it can take your mind off things. Practice your independence... you'll need it when your boyfriend deploys. It'll really impress him to see how capable you are of taking care of yourself and improving your life for yourself... and that will make your relationship stronger. This is the best time to prepare for deployment, since you are physically separated. Also, education/work is super important because if you end up moving with him around the country, you need skills you can take with you. And I totally second Netflix... I definitely Netflix binged when I wasn't in school or working during all the times my husband was deployed. It was my "go to" for falling asleep, because that was the time I missed him most and worried the most. It gets easier, but only if you let it. Just do you, while you can!
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    My boyfriend will be graduating boot camp soon I heard that there is more freedom in ait is this true ? Should I get more phone calls text FaceTime
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaizasgirl View Post
    My boyfriend will be graduating boot camp soon I heard that there is more freedom in ait is this true ? Should I get more phone calls text FaceTime
    Whoa, he made phone calls and face time in Basic? My, things have changed! We got one phone call the whole time from a pay phone!

    It depends on the school, but yes. I went through AIT when they were transitioning from Drill Sergeants to regular cadre. It was still like Basic Training when the DS's were there, but its not like that anymore. Once we had normal cadre (which is what your boyfriend will be under), we had many more privileges. If our PT scores were high enough we were allowed to smoke, we could use cell phones in the evenings during "free time," we could have civilian clothes and go off base on the weekends, have ipods, dvd players, etc during off time. There were levels of passes... gold, green, yellow, and red. Depending on the level, you had different privileges. Gold pass soldiers (not in trouble, high PT scores) were allowed to stay overnight off post on weekends! We often went to Virginia Beach. Friends and family would come visit some of us. Sometimes the whole company would get "red passed" if someone screwed up and got in trouble. Then, nobody could leave on the weekends and we had accountability formations all the time. Green and yellow are somewhere in the middle. They can go off post or go to the PX, but had to be back for accountability formations. He will not be allowed to have a cell phone on him at any time other than evening "free time" or he will get in trouble. Now, my AIT was 8 months long and I have heard that privileges at shorter schools are not quite as liberal, so it just really all depends.
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    My boyfriend has is phone and laptop and is in AIT now, while he was in basic once in a blue moon I would get a phone call and about 2 letters a week. but know he texts me at night and in the morning sometimes and whenever hes not busy, or if he has free days. AIT does have more freedoms then basic but I have noticed there are still restrictions he has to follow. Its been so much easier now that he is in AIT speaking that we skype sometimes and he usually gives me a call, but Im sure that things wont always be easy for long. My advice to anybody is that no matter what, dating an military man, the communication will always be iffy. So make sure talk to him whenever he is allowed to talk

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