Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Support for international distance

  1. Fresh Newbie
    tward22's Avatar
    tward22 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Posts
    1
    #1

    Help Support for international distance

    Advertisements
    So my boyfriend (CPL Marines) and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary. I am a college student and when I'm at school we're 4hrs away but when i'm home for the summer and breaks he's only 30mins away BUT we found out a couple months ago that he will be leaving in Oct for Fuji, Japan. He says it is AT LEAST a year probably two, and that most likely he won't be able to take leave at all for the 1st year. And besides the $3,000 dollar plane ticket, since I'm only a girlfriend I wouldn't be able to stay with him if I visited. We have committed ourselves to one another saying that we want to spend our lives with each other. We are waiting because both of us are not ready to get married. He needs to focus on work and I have to finish school. I do NOT want to have to do school work on my honeymoon. So i'm having a hard time preparing for this trip. I find myself thinking about how long a year is and that he will be gone longer then we have been together. THAT'S CRAZY! At least i'll have two more years of school to distract me and keep me busy. But I'm not finding the support I need from my family and friends. My parents, even though they say they like him they don't think were gonna last and they have no problem making that well known to me. And my friends just say "I don't know how you do it" or "why don't you just take a break while he's gone?". They just don't get it.

    So I thought I'd try to ask people who do get it. Any advise for an international move?
  2. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #2
    You can find tickets for way, way less than $3000, so don't rule that out entirely. And you can stay in a hotel, or find other options if you do visit. It may be possible.

    Beyond that, set clear expectations. If you need to hear from him nearly every day, even if it's a short text or email, let him know that. Discuss it and come to an agreement that works for both of you. I think one of the biggest issues that comes up is that she wants to hear from him everyday (or whatever) and he thinks that one great Skype session and a long email each weeks is better than half a dozen "love you; miss you" texts, and feelings get hurt.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  3. Senior Member
    Katarina's Avatar
    Katarina is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    1,506
    #3
    Keep your head up! There will always be nay sayers. Some people understand, and some people just dont. Like Villanelle said, definitely set expectations. Also be flexible. The time change can really suck sometimes.

    For a flight home for him, he can definitely find cheaper than $3000! Also have him check for military rates. Sometimes he may be able to get a discount for that.

    Its good that you have school to keep you busy! I definitely suggest taking the time while he is gone to explore yourself. Try that new restaurant that sounds kind of good. Go try the new class at the gym. Take that art class that always seemed kind of cool. Use the time that you would have spent talking to him or with him before as time for you. You may learn new things about yourself!

    Good luck girl!
  4. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #4
    One more thing. You might look at the time difference and keep that in mind when scheduling your classes so you can hopefully not be in school during the hours he'll be available, at least a couple days a week.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  5. Fresh Newbie
    Navygf0808's Avatar
    Navygf0808 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    7
    #5
    Ik that when my DH was over in Japan my mind was just set to when I looked at the clock I added it to his time and I would always wonder what he was doing it is hard! Because when it's early in the morning here it's late at night over there so the time difference will probably be the hardest thing! Just write him an email a day telling him how much you miss him and things that you look forward to when he gets back. Also care packages! They love those! Get crafty with them could get your mind off of things making one for him! Hope this helps!
  6. Banned
    Reagan's Avatar
    Reagan is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    5,960
    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    You can find tickets for way, way less than $3000, so don't rule that out entirely. And you can stay in a hotel, or find other options if you do visit. It may be possible.

    Beyond that, set clear expectations. If you need to hear from him nearly every day, even if it's a short text or email, let him know that. Discuss it and come to an agreement that works for both of you. I think one of the biggest issues that comes up is that she wants to hear from him everyday (or whatever) and he thinks that one great Skype session and a long email each weeks is better than half a dozen "love you; miss you" texts, and feelings get hurt.
    Agree with everything here. Communication and expectations are super important. Never just assume that because you want/need something, he is aware of it automatically.
  7. Regular Member
    NightBreeze's Avatar
    NightBreeze is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    158
    #7
    DB is over there now (In Japan but at a different base) and we are in the middle of a three year separation so I understand how frustrating and I'm sure a little scary all of this might seem. Right now Japan is 15 hours a head of the mountain time zone so I;m always taking my time and adding 3 hours to figure out what time it is there. At first this was really annoying but after getting asked that questions so many times by our friends I have actually found a lot of comfort in doing that throughout the day.

    The best thing to do is set very clear expectations of when and how you will communication. DB went out and bought us WII U consoles so that we could video chat and that has been working out pretty well for us especially because texting and calling are just too expensive for the two of us. Yes the time change can be difficult and it usually means on of us is up super early one or both of the days to chat (4 am is a little rough but since I have to be at work by seven we make it work). If we want to chat on days other than our video chat we rely on FB messaging which is both a blessing and curse because sometimes it will seem like one of us is online when we may not be. As other have said you have to be willing to put you wants and needs out there because as much as you are going to be trying to live your day to day life at home he will be doing the same there. That means that he will be going out with friends and exploring things and you have to be willing to understand and accept that as much as he has to accept that you aren't just going to sit around the house waiting for him to call or text. Unfortunately, DB and I had to sit with this issue for a long time but I think we are finally getting the hang of it.

    Now I don't know about the housing situation at his location but tell him to contact his sponsor. Because of DB situation he was actually forced to live off base which has made visiting a lot easier. I have managed to find round trip tickets as low as $1200 but you have to be willing to deal with lay overs and you have to book about 4-6 months out.

    Yes this is going to be hard and don't expect you guys to just suddenly find the perfect routine to make everything to work. DB has been gone a year and we are just settling into a routine that works for us. I'm not saying it will take you guys that long but it's not going to happen over night.

    If you need any help feel free to PM me.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •