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Thread: Help! New relationship...

  1. Fresh Newbie
    st3llab75's Avatar
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    #1

    Help! New relationship...

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    Nevermind... I'm just being emotional.
    Last edited by st3llab75; 06-16-2014 at 07:25 PM. Reason: I can't figure out how to delete it
  2. Banned
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    #2
    I mean, you asked, he gave you an honest answer. It's up to you what you want to do with that. You can choose to stick around and wait and take your chances or you can not. Noone can say for sure whether or not you're wasting your time.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by st3llab75 View Post
    Hello everyone,

    I have joined this site because I am in desperate need for advice from someone who may have been in my shoes before. I started dating my guy two months ago. We met through mutual friends and I really like him. We probably see each other 2-3 days a week and it's been great. I've met his friends and he has met mine. At a work event he even introduced me as his girlfriend before we had really had that "talk". I've probably made all of the mistakes in the book by letting him know how I feel about him too soon but hey that's kind of how I roll. Maybe I should play harder to get in the future.

    Now, my problem is he is in the navy and is being sent away off and on for the next 4-5 months. Six weeks gone, two weeks home, a month gone, a week home, etc. He left today and before he left I asked him where we stood in the relationship. I was concerned because he's going to be gone for way more time than we've even been together. I want to wait for him and be supportive but I don't want to be a fool and waste my time. Basically, I just wanted to make sure that he was fully in it before I put my life on hold. I asked him if he saw potential in the relationship or if he was just in it for the right now casual thing. He said he didn't know and that it was too soon for him to decide. He said the ball was in my court but he would understand if I met someone else. I was kind of heartbroken.

    So my question.. I know he has commitment issues from a relationship that ended because of the navy. Am I wasting my time if I do stick around? After two months, shouldn't he know if it's a fling or not? I mean goodness no one is talking marriage, just whether nor not there is potential for the future. Is he just scared of getting hurt again or is he just not that into me?

    Thank you for reading
    No one here can tell you if this is a waste of your time or not - and two months really isn't *that* long at all. Aside from not dating anyone else, how would you have to "put your life on hold" at this point?
  4. Fresh Newbie
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    #4
    Thank you for replying. I agree that saying putting my life on hold probably wasn't the best phrasing because not much about my life would change other than not dating anyone else, which is something I'm not doing anyway. But, I'm afraid to be emotionally involved in a dead end relationship with someone that doesn't care. I also agree that two months isn't very long but I think it's long enough to know if you have some sort of feelings for someone. I guess he wasn't willing to acknowledge it so that must mean it isn't there. I suppose I know the answer to my question and I don't know what I was hoping to hear. I guess I wanted the "he's not into it" screaming in my head to stop because I so desperately want that not to be the case. I'll stop being pathetic and move on.
  5. Team Rocket
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    #5
    Did you say anything about your interest in maintaining the relationship? Honestly, to me it sounds like he gave a pretty neutral answer because he's afraid. If you just asked for his input without offering yours, I can understand why he'd just put the ball in your court. If you're really into him, and if I were you, I'd make plans to meet up after his next underway and just see how it goes from there.
    WiggleWiggle~ is my Wifey
  6. sj2
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    #6
    I don't think he would ever ASK you to wait for him, because that would be an unfair thing to do - so that's probably what he meant by saying 'the ball is in your court'. I was in the same position as you when DB left, knowing we'd be spending more time away than we had together and it's working out great, we're still together months later. I'll admit at first I was unsure because it's a long time but once I realised how strong my feelings were, it was much easier to make that commitment just as if he were home and we were together. Just because he's away doesn't mean to say it's not still a relationship, you still build on it emotionally and get to know each other just in different and unique ways!
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    #7
    I will never understand why people delete posts that have already been quoted. I mean, what's the point?
  8. my kitchen is for dancing
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Reagan View Post
    I will never understand why people delete posts that have already been quoted. I mean, what's the point?
    my first thought!
    Getting used to the new lifestyle far away from home and leaving my fear behind each day a little more.
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    #9
    OP, just for future reference, it is considered very poor form to delete a post. (The ability to actually delete doesn't exist, which is why you couldn't find it.) It's not a big deal because you are new and didn't know, but unless you want to piss people off, don't do it again. And as you can see, it doesn't do any good once you've been quoted.

    I hope you find some peace and clarity about the relationship and about what you want and need.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  10. Regular Member
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    #10
    OP, if you find your way back here...

    I can relate to your post and honestly, your situation sounds a LOT like where I was almost a decade ago when I originally met my guy. At that time, we'd only been dating for about 10 months when he found out he'd be leaving for over a year. I was resolute and told him, in no uncertain terms, that I wanted to wait for him. But when I said that, he got scared and felt guilty about the prospect of leaving me hanging on so he pulled a disappearing act and faded out of the relationship. We just reconnected last year and he admitted that for all these years he's been filled with regret about how he responded when I told him I wanted to wait for him.

    This isn't about me and my guy, it's about you and your relationship. But the moral of all of that is: I think I can relate to where you're coming from.

    When people start dating, I think it's normal for both parties to feel some concern about how to properly express what they're feeling - am I saying too much, not enough, should I play it cool or push forward with reckless abandon. And here your guy is getting ready to go away, which adds an additional issue for both of you. It's not simple.

    There are a whole list of reasons why he might have responded the way he did. But I'm tempted to agree with what sj2 said above, he's probably not going to ask you to wait. Based on what you wrote, I'm tempted to read his response as saying he probably wants to continue the relationship but wants it to be your decision - hence, the ball is in your court.

    Best of luck to you, if you ever read this.
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