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Thread: So confused

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    #1

    So confused

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    My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now. He just deployed in the navy about a month ago and this is his second deployment but our first being together. Everything was going great and we were just about starting to settle into a routine. I was reminded daily of how much I was loved and how he does what he does to protect our country and guarantee a safe and happy life for me and my daughter (he's not her dad) and from one day to the next he flipped a switch and started telling me he needs time to himself and he's unsure of his plans for the future and so on and so forth.. Basically breaking up with me using the "it's not you, it's me." excuse. I asked him to talk to me about it and his response is that there's too much on his mind or he doesn't know how to explain... Is this normal for a military man to do this? I love him to death but I don't know if I need to let go.. I reassured him he has a friend in me regardless because well, that's what you do when you're in love. I just need advice... Please
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicole92 View Post
    My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now. He just deployed in the navy about a month ago and this is his second deployment but our first being together. Everything was going great and we were just about starting to settle into a routine. I was reminded daily of how much I was loved and how he does what he does to protect our country and guarantee a safe and happy life for me and my daughter (he's not her dad) and from one day to the next he flipped a switch and started telling me he needs time to himself and he's unsure of his plans for the future and so on and so forth.. Basically breaking up with me using the "it's not you, it's me." excuse. I asked him to talk to me about it and his response is that there's too much on his mind or he doesn't know how to explain... Is this normal for a military man to do this? I love him to death but I don't know if I need to let go.. I reassured him he has a friend in me regardless because well, that's what you do when you're in love. I just need advice... Please
    This has nothing to do with his profession - it isn't about being a "military man".
    How long is "a while" that the two of you have been together?
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    I figured.. He said quote "I'm at a point in my military career where I'm unsure of myself and where my future is going to go from here..." We dated for a year then broke up and that's when he enlisted and was stationed in Virginia for a year but we remained good friends. He returned this January and we began dating again and he recently left last month.
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    #4
    Sounds like he likes being with you when he's actually with you, but as soon as he has to work to make the relationship work apart, he "needs time"
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    It's just so sudden.. Literally from one hour to the next. I even messaged him just letting him know how much I love him and that when I said I was in this for the long run and to be his number one supporter I meant it from the bottom of my heart.. He read the message and didn't feel the need to reply.
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    #6
    Why did you break up the first time? And sadly, I don't think it has anything to do with him being in the military. Really a man in any profession, at any life stage, could say he isn't sure where his future is going.
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    It was a mutual break up. We wanted to remain friends and if we still wanted to be with each other when he returned (which I thought we both felt the same) we'd get back together. He tossed around marriage a lot and would even introduce me to his friends as his "wife".. That's why I'm so confused as to why he suddenly changed his mind. He went as far as to deleting me off Facebook and changing his status to single.
  8. I was the perfect mom, until I had kids.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicole92 View Post
    It was a mutual break up. We wanted to remain friends and if we still wanted to be with each other when he returned (which I thought we both felt the same) we'd get back together. He tossed around marriage a lot and would even introduce me to his friends as his "wife".. That's why I'm so confused as to why he suddenly changed his mind. He went as far as to deleting me off Facebook and changing his status to single.
    I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I would honestly cut my losses. You've only been dating again, what? Not even 4 months?... and he goes from wanting to get married, to doing something as immature as deleting you off FB and changing his relationship status that quickly after just breaking up? He sounds like he's just very immature in general, and really doesn't know what he wants. You don't deserve to be a convenience for him. When it's convenient and he can see you, he wants you, but when things get even a tad rough...he runs for the hills? Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I'd be afraid to date, let alone marry, someone who runs for the hills that easily when things get tough.



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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by *IGrow'EmXL* View Post
    I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I would honestly cut my losses. You've only been dating again, what? Not even 4 months?... and he goes from wanting to get married, to doing something as immature as deleting you off FB and changing his relationship status that quickly after just breaking up? He sounds like he's just very immature in general, and really doesn't know what he wants. You don't deserve to be a convenience for him. When it's convenient and he can see you, he wants you, but when things get even a tad rough...he runs for the hills? Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I'd be afraid to date, let alone marry, someone who runs for the hills that easily when things get tough.

    with this
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    #10
    maybe he saw something horrible and is pushing everyone away...i know my ex said he did this to some poor girl when he was in Afghanistan that he's actually still really good friends with.

    Quote Originally Posted by *IGrow'EmXL* View Post
    I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I would honestly cut my losses. You've only been dating again, what? Not even 4 months?... and he goes from wanting to get married, to doing something as immature as deleting you off FB and changing his relationship status that quickly after just breaking up? He sounds like he's just very immature in general, and really doesn't know what he wants. You don't deserve to be a convenience for him. When it's convenient and he can see you, he wants you, but when things get even a tad rough...he runs for the hills? Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I'd be afraid to date, let alone marry, someone who runs for the hills that easily when things get tough.

    but i also agree with this all of that behavior is very immature imo especially the wife part when you're really barely together.
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