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Thread: LDR Help

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    #1

    LDR Help

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    Hi! I'm new to this forum and need some advice. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a while and his orders changed - leaving his current duty station about a year early for his ILE. We haven't haven't talked about how or if we're going to try long distance and it's been a long time since I've been in a relationship with a military member (my exhusband was Army and cheated on me, that's how he became the ex). How would you handle having a conversation about an LDR? I know that I would be more than open to doing it, if we could have a time line of some kind - in 6 months check in with each other on how we feel it's going, then decide how to handle things. When he first told me he was leaving, I mentioned that visits, email, skype, etc would make the distance shorter in between when we can visit. Any insights or suggestions would be great, thank you!
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    I like the idea of having a timeline or a plan. Maybe come up with a plan to see each other on a regular basis (once a month/every other month, depending on how far away he will be?), how often to talk on Skype or on the phone, and how you will communicate. Make sure you're both on the same page before you start an LDR. I think letters and weekly Skype dates have been the best for myself and my DB!
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    That's what I was thinking as well! This is the part that I'm anxious about though, how to approach actually having the talk with him. He is very sweet and caring, takes great care of me but doesn't really say how he feels. I think starting the talk is what I need help with, or do I let him since I'm sure he's been down this road before...
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by rungirl View Post
    That's what I was thinking as well! This is the part that I'm anxious about though, how to approach actually having the talk with him. He is very sweet and caring, takes great care of me but doesn't really say how he feels. I think starting the talk is what I need help with, or do I let him since I'm sure he's been down this road before...
    Aw. I understand, I'm that way too. I find that when I approach these kinds of conversations with DB, I just tell him I want to be open with him so that he can be open with me. I think if you can frame it so that he sees you as forming a plan instead of attacking him for not saying how he feels, your talk will be just fine. But if he's supportive and wants to take care of you, he should be open to this conversation! Maybe ask him if he's had experience with LDRs before and if he had any suggestions or ideas. I hope this helps!?
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    That is a good way to go about it, I'll try that! I'm going to wait until change of command happens since the last few weeks and next two are jammed packed. I'm certainly willing to have an LDR and think the world of him, I'd hate to see us not try!
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    I think you may as well try! What's the worst that can happen- it doesn't work out? I love when we Skype and we get to text daily (at this point), and we're both really big communicators. We did have to talk at first about how when he's not in a good mood he backs away, and it's nothing personal to me because at first I freaked out. Those are things you could learn along the way but I suggest you talk first about how much you both typically like to talk (is once a day ok, do you text whenever y'all have free time, do you set aside a certain time if possible or just let it happen, those things)
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    My husband and I were long distance from the start. We met while he was home on leave and he only had one week left before he had to go to his new duty station. I always used to say I could never be in a long distance relationship, but then I fell in love with a soldier, lol. I've come to realize that when you love someone, distance means very little in the scheme of things.

    One thing DH and I have always done is send each other pictures and videos of our days. Send him a picture of your breakfast, your outfit for the day, the sunrise/sunset, something funny you saw at the grocery store, that kind of thing. It may seem insignificant but it really helps us feel closer, like we're apart of each other's daily life. Maybe that's just us though. You have to find what works for you.


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    I'm good at communicating - maybe too much so sometimes, we text or call daily, which is good. I'm all for a long distance relationship, to at least try it, but he's mentioned that they are hard work - that was when we first met. But, that won't stop me from making an effort
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    I'm learning that when he's stressed, he isn't much of a talker. Maybe because he's not used to having someone around, I'm not sure. I tend to talk a lot, especially if something is on my mind. This is one of those conversations, that although scare me, I know I have to do it. Right now, we talk every day, even if it's just a "how's your day" text that is quick

    Quote Originally Posted by emily511 View Post
    I think you may as well try! What's the worst that can happen- it doesn't work out? I love when we Skype and we get to text daily (at this point), and we're both really big communicators. We did have to talk at first about how when he's not in a good mood he backs away, and it's nothing personal to me because at first I freaked out. Those are things you could learn along the way but I suggest you talk first about how much you both typically like to talk (is once a day ok, do you text whenever y'all have free time, do you set aside a certain time if possible or just let it happen, those things)
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    Quote Originally Posted by sidecar View Post
    My husband and I were long distance from the start. We met while he was home on leave and he only had one week left before he had to go to his new duty station. I always used to say I could never be in a long distance relationship, but then I fell in love with a soldier, lol. I've come to realize that when you love someone, distance means very little in the scheme of things.

    One thing DH and I have always done is send each other pictures and videos of our days. Send him a picture of your breakfast, your outfit for the day, the sunrise/sunset, something funny you saw at the grocery store, that kind of thing. It may seem insignificant but it really helps us feel closer, like we're apart of each other's daily life. Maybe that's just us though. You have to find what works for you.
    i really like your ideas
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