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Thread: New to forum and LDR with DB

  1. Fresh Newbie
    Jolyth's Avatar
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    #1

    New to forum and LDR with DB

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    Hi. I hope I am posting in the proper place. I am a bit of a hot mess right now as I am very new to the whole LDR with a DB. I will give a bit of background so if you could bear with me I would really be thankful.

    My bf and I are coworkers for the government and have known each other for 3.5 years. He deployed in October for civilian duty in Afghanistan. Right before he left, we crossed the "friends" line and started a "relationship" of sorts. Just talking and skyping every day he was gone. Nothing beyond that, which I counted as a blessing because I wanted to take it slow and actually wait till he retuned before trying anything serious. (He has a 1 year deployment)

    Well he came home for 2 weeks for R&R after 5 months away and we did the whole meet the parents thing and spent the entire time together. Not sure what happened but he went from being is awesome person I knew, talking about a future together, etc, to being really closed off while he was here. All of a sudden he wanted to "take it slow" and said all the conversations we had while he was overseas were "different" (whatever the heck that means).

    He left last Wednesday and I have been a wreck since. I have only heard from him twice and the messages have been just updates on where he is.

    I was wondering if anyone else had experienced such drastic 180 degree behavior between a deployed bf being away and being home. Right now I don't know what to think. I understand needing a lifeline while he is away and while I would have been happy to do that just as a friend, he did not have to go so far as to say we were in a monogamous relationship if his words while he was over there are "different".

    Sorry if this is not the place to post this, just really uncertain right now. I want to support my friend/DB regardless of our relationship but the lack of communication lately has me worried and on edge. And of course I do not want to pressure him with my confusion while he is away as I know he has enough to deal with while he is there.

    Thanks so much for reading.
  2. we were all rooting for you
    KittenMittens's Avatar
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    #2
    Welcome. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I've never been in your shoes, but I hope you'll find the support you need here.

    Have you asked him why he seems to have changed his mind?
  3. Fresh Newbie
    Jolyth's Avatar
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    #3
    Hi KittenMittens. Thank you for replying. I did ask him and his response was that he rushed into things before and and they ended badly. But while he was over there he harped on the fact that we have a much more solid foundation to build on since we were friends first.

    I guess I am trying to understand the possible mental place of a deployed individual so I can better support him and put my own mind at ease. Do they typically say things they don't mean while over there due to stress and uncertainty of the situation?

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