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Thread: Too Much Of DB! Advice?

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    #1

    Help Too Much Of DB! Advice?

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    I went out to see DB this past week and he asked me to stay a little longer than usual since I normally only stay a few days maybe 5 at most. So when he asked me to stay a little longer I didn't mind. Now I'm getting back from seeing him and somehow I feel myself feel a bit aggravated at him bothering me. I'm guessing because I stayed longer than usual and saw him more than usual and now I really don't feel like slipping back into the routine of talking to him everyday. Is that bad or normal? I kind of want a break from talking to him so much but I don't want to go and say hey lets talk less because I know ill want to talk to him more in a week or two just right now I feel exasperated. I feel like this is a weird thing to complain about since getting to see your SO in long distance relationships is wonderful and I really enjoyed my time out there just now I want me time i guess. I'm editing this post as it seems some of you have gotten the wrong idea. I normally only get to spend 3-5 days with DB. HOWEVER this time i stayed for 10 days it was just a lot longer than Im used to staying. We've been in a relationship for 3 years now and a year of that was NOT long distance. I think what made me feel smothered was that we were staying together in an apartment for longer than I'm used to. Please dont tell me I don't love him or don't know how to be in a relationship with him if its not long distance.
    Last edited by Animerai; 04-21-2014 at 06:49 PM.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Animerai View Post
    I went out to see DB this past week and he asked me to stay a little longer than usual since I normally only stay a few days maybe 5 at most. So when he asked me to stay a little longer I didn't mind. Now I'm getting back from seeing him and somehow I feel myself feel a bit aggravated at him bothering me. I'm guessing because I stayed longer than usual and saw him more than usual and now I really don't feel like slipping back into the routine of talking to him everyday. Is that bad or normal? I kind of want a break from talking to him so much but I don't want to go and sat hey lets talk less because I know ill want to talk to him more in a week or two just right now I feel exasperated. I feel like this is a weird thing to complain about since getting to see your SO in long distance relationships is wonderful and I really enjoyed my time out there just now I want me time i guess
    - how is he "bothering" you? Are you referring to his calls to you being bothersome? What is it about the calls that is bothering you?
    There is no harm in saying, "Hey, I need to take a few days to get myself back on track after our long visit." - but be prepared for him to possibly take that personally
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    Would this be more accurate:
    I have a routine which involves talking to him X amount of days a week, and staying with him x amount of days when I visit him. I feel disoriented and out of sorts when my routine is disturbed, especially at the last minute?
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    It's not something I Can fully understand, or at least not as you've expressed it. I think it's pretty normal to have you SO get on your nerves occasionally. But it sounds like he didn't do anything specific that is annoying you, and you just want to take a week or two off from talking to him, just because you've seen him a lot.

    If spending time with him makes you not want to spend time with him, maybe you need to take a step back and evaluate things. Being LD can be an excuse to stay in relationships that aren't really working, because we don't get to really see that they aren't working, since we aren't together much.
    Last edited by villanelle; 04-21-2014 at 10:50 AM.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    It's not something I Can fully understand, or at least not as you've expressed it. I think it's pretty normal to have you SO get on your nerves occasionally. But it sounds like he didn't do anything specific that is annoying you, and you just want to take a week or two off from talking to him, just because you've seen him a lot.

    If spending time with him makes you not want to spend time with him, maybe you need to take a step back and evaluate things. Being LD can be an excuse to stay in relationships that ren't really working, because we don't get to really see that they aren't working, since we aren't together much.
    I agree.

    I think we're all a little unclear on what you're asking, OP. However - getting your LD routine thrown off track can be a little weird. Just slow down your texting responses? There is such a thing as talking too much. Maybe that's what you mean?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ol' Grey Mare View Post
    - how is he "bothering" you? Are you referring to his calls to you being bothersome? What is it about the calls that is bothering you?
    There is no harm in saying, "Hey, I need to take a few days to get myself back on track after our long visit." - but be prepared for him to possibly take that personally
    Its not so much him bothering me. I guess what I'm trying to say is i think i over stayed my welcome and i want some me time for a bit
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    Quote Originally Posted by EmilyPT View Post
    I agree.

    I think we're all a little unclear on what you're asking, OP. However - getting your LD routine thrown off track can be a little weird. Just slow down your texting responses? There is such a thing as talking too much. Maybe that's what you mean?
    yea i think thats what im getting at
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    It's not something I Can fully understand, or at least not as you've expressed it. I think it's pretty normal to have you SO get on your nerves occasionally. But it sounds like he didn't do anything specific that is annoying you, and you just want to take a week or two off from talking to him, just because you've seen him a lot.

    If spending time with him makes you not want to spend time with him, maybe you need to take a step back and evaluate things. Being LD can be an excuse to stay in relationships that ren't really working, because we don't get to really see that they aren't working, since we aren't together much.
    noooo spending time with doesnt make me not want to spend time with him at all. I think i just stayed longer than im used to staying and it threw me off. Spending soo much time with him made me feel a little smothered
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Animerai View Post
    noooo spending time with doesnt make me not want to spend time with him at all. I think i just stayed longer than im used to staying and it threw me off. Spending soo much time with him made me feel a little smothered
    Have the two of you ever not been LDR or talked about how things will be when/if you are no longer LDR?
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Animerai View Post
    noooo spending time with doesnt make me not want to spend time with him at all. I think i just stayed longer than im used to staying and it threw me off. Spending soo much time with him made me feel a little smothered
    How is that different than, "spending time with him made you not want to spend time with him". Seems like pretty much the same thing to me. Being with him a lot makes you feel smothered. Ergo, you want to be with him less.

    I can see how having a specific routine that gets disrupted might make you feel off. If you usually get home Sunday and go to your bowling league game and do grocery shopping on Monday, then it makes sense that not being able to do that would make you feel a little off, like Asher suggested above. But it sounds like this isn't about a disrupted routine. It's about how seeing more of him made you feel like it was too much time with him in general.

    If my boyfriend felt I was someone he could only tolerate (or enjoy) in small doses, he would no longer be my boyfriend because that, to me, would be a sure sign I wasn't the right girlfriend for him and that we didn't have any real future.
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