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Thread: I think too much

  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

    Confused I think too much

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    Hi everyone, I have a bit of a story behind my question so I apologize if this is a little long.

    Tonight I was called to the hospital by my best friend who's cousin was admitted to the ICU. They said he couldn't make it through the night and she needed me there to go into the room with her. Of course I was there in ten minutes and soon facing a reality check. I was sitting in a room with her family who I have become very close to over the years. They are like my own. I refer to them all the way she does (papa, mom, grammy). Being with them got me thinking about my own family.

    I also work in the emergency room so unfortunately I see more deaths than any one person should see. In my opinion anyone tat works with the sick and dying are saint, I don't know how people do it their whole lives, but thats besides the point. We have families come in and hold their loved ones hands as they are leaving this world. The last thing these people hear are their sons and daughter, mothers and fathers saying "I love you and I'll miss you" which is exactly the way it should be.

    Now my dad is the single most important person to me. He's my rock and has always been there for me and been on my side. Now that I am committed to my DB I plan on moving to be with him when he's home from deployment. Which is exactly what I want to do, but what if something happens to my dad? I am well aware that something will happen one day. I can't avoid that, but I want to be the one at the bedside holding his hand and letting him know how much I love him. A 2.5 hr plane ride and an hr ride home isn't going to make it. I'm also very paranoid about my dads health and often wonder what I would do without him.

    So I was wondering, has anyone else struggled with this? I can't be the only one. I guess I never really thought about it until tonight. And even if something happens to Papa(my friends grandfather) I need to be there. How have you guys dealt with this? I know I'm probably over think and should't analyze so much but that doesn't stop that fact that I do. HELP! my head is spinning
  2. Pour a little salt, we were never here
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    #2
    I will be an absolute wreck when my dad dies. It will not matter if I got home to say goodbye or if he dies instantly. It will not matter that I'm a four hour plane ride away or a ten minute drive. I honestly cannot drive myself crazy with those ideas. No matter what, he will die, mostly likely before me (he's going to be 79 next month). No matter what, I will never be the same person. Instead of worrying, and putting my life on hold for that, I live, and I enjoy every visit we have, I enjoy every time we talk on the phone. It is awesome to have amazing people in your life, and it's that much harder to lose them but it can't paralyze you.
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    #3
    I lost my dad 3 years ago and it was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me... I was a broken person and sometimes I still feel like I'm picking up the pieces. He died In Nigeria and I was In Arizona.... roughly a 30hr trip if you include layovers and what not. I regret almost everyday that I wasn't there when he died but I know that It couldn't have been helped. Like [his] lobster said you just have to live your life, enjoy the moments that you have with them because as bad as I felt for not being there my siblings that were there felt just as bad.Dont worry about what you cannot control. Just cherish the moments you have even if they are from a distance.
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    #4
    Death of a loved one is never easy. I am super close to my mom, and can't imagine life without her. However, if I thought about things like that, I'd go crazy.


    You said you see a lot of death at work. Do you have someone you can talk to about that or dealing with death in general? That would be hard. To worry about not being able to hold your dad's hand might set you up for even more devestation, if that's possible, when he does pass. Even if you are in the same home as him, you might not get that chance. It doesn't mean you cared or loved him any less. Would he want you to live your life and do what makes you happy or always stay near him just in case?

    Sorry to hear about your loved one not doing well.
    "Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace." Tom Ziglar.
  5. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #5
    That worried me a LOT when I moved to Germany. My Pa (grandfather) has been in the hospital and I was (still am) worried that he will die while I am over here and I won't be able to be there. I just realized I couldn't put my life on hold for something that may or may not happen for a while. I just call and write letters often and do the best I can.

    Sorry you are having a rough time.

    ~Art Page~
    Germy = wifey
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by AndreaClaire View Post
    That worried me a LOT when I moved to Germany. My Pa (grandfather) has been in the hospital and I was (still am) worried that he will die while I am over here and I won't be able to be there. I just realized I couldn't put my life on hold for something that may or may not happen for a while. I just call and write letters often and do the best I can.

    Sorry you are having a rough time.
    This. I worry every day about my great grandmother, she's 84, I never know when it could be her last day. I'm so glad we're going home earlier because I'll get to see her again. But I can't worry myself sick with that. It's just part of life. I have to enjoy my life. If I worried about something happening to my love ones I'd be a wreck.


  7. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #7
    I was really worried about my dad when I was living in Korea ... he had a triple bypass and there was just no way for me to make it there to support him for his surgery, and I really worried about him making it but he did. I mean in a case like that, if the worst were to happen, I know it would have been virtually impossible to see him even if his demise would have been prolonged vs. sudden.

    What made it better to deal with was that knowing my dad wouldn't want me to miss out on opportunities because of him. I mean I'm sure he would have liked me to be there for him, but he wouldn't want me to put my life on hold or feel like I was on a leash and I could only go so far because of him. He wouldn't want that for me.
  8. Old Newbie
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    #8
    thanks everyone. I was talking to my best riend today trying to comfort her and I realized I was saying all of the things you all wrote her. I guess you'll never know when the last time you talk to someone will be the last time or what could happen when you walk out your door even. But that doesnt keep me inside away from any dangers. But i knew someone had to have some kind of input or experience in this. Thanks for helping
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    #9
    I thought about this when I was making the decision to move to Texas. Then I realized that my parents would never want to stop me from pursuing my dreams and my happiness just to stay behind with them. They want to see me grow and create my own life, that's part of raising a child.

    I'm right there with you about overthinking things though. Overthinking should be my middle name. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope things get better for you soon.


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    #10
    We had a sudden and unexpected death in my family a few years back and ever since then I've been paranoid about moving too far away from home. If possible, keeping an emergency travel fund available might ease your worry some.

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