He is depressed

[Summer]

My DB is depressed and has been for some time. He’s been insanely stressed and busy with his job the past few months. He’s a very private person and tends to pull away from people when he’s upset. He’s been doing that for the past few months. He’d disappear for a few days and we don’t talk as much as we once did and when we do talk he’s less animated. We go a couple months at a time without seeing on another. It’s only been within the past week that we’ve discussed what’s going on with him. It’s nice to know that this isn’t about me and that it has nothing to do with his lack of love for me/passion for our relationship. I’ve attributed a great deal of his issues to myself, which I shouldn’t do. He’s reassured me that he loves me and wants to be with me forever but he needs me to stick by him through this and realize that this is his issue and it’s separate from me. He says having me helps but I want to know what else I can do to help him. When we first started dating he said I taught him how to feel again and that I was like coming up for fresh air…that I saved him and made him happier than he’s ever been in his life. I know that you have to be happy with yourself before you can really be happy with someone else but how can I help him? I do have the tendency to want to save people and I have a huge need to be needed but I’d really like to know what little things I can do, to make him happy. Also how can I help myself not to be so…down when he’s down ?

PS- he’s getting help off base with a therapist and his CO is being really understanding so that's good.

[LindsayM]

He sounds like he's adknowledging that he has a problem and is working to fix it. That's REALLY good, usually the hardest part to get started. And he's already there. All you can do is *silently support* him. Just be there and act upbeat and normal. Don't drill him about his counselor meetings, let hiim come to you if he wants to share. Just act like normal and hopefully it'll help briing him back to life again

[Mrz. Robinson]

Originally Posted by LindsayM He sounds like he's adknowledging that he has a problem and is working to fix it. That's REALLY good, usually the hardest part to get started. And he's already there. All you can do is *silently support* him. Just be there and act upbeat and normal. Don't drill him about his counselor meetings, let hiim come to you if he wants to share. Just act like normal and hopefully it'll help briing him back to life again

:agre

[Jesseeyka]

Just support him as best you can. I know how you feel. My dh went through a time like that before we got married when he was in OCS. I feel bad when he feels bad and that is the worst to me, when he's upset about something and I can't do anything to make it better. Being apart makes it even worse.