Far away in more ways than one! - Long Distance Love

Summer · 10-23-2009, 11:58 AM

Just as a little background…
I have been with my DB for a little over a year now. The relationship has always been long distance. He works on an army base, that’s a little less than four hours away from where I go to school. He works a typical 9-5 workday Monday-Friday. Sometimes he works on Saturdays as well but those days are shorter, from 12:00-4:00. This makes seeing each other on weekends difficult. In the past four months, I’ve only spent two, three day weekends with him.
Obviously in a long distance relationship, you don’t get to see your partner as much as you want to. I understood that going into this. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. We got lucky for a while and saw each other every two weeks and spent his holiday leaves together but the past four months have been rough.
Now for the problem…
A big part of any relationship is communication. For the past four months we have severely lacked this communication. We used to send several emails a day. He’d sent me emails that were several paragraphs longs telling me how much he loved me, how I never left his mind, how I made him happier than he’s ever been…etc. You get the picture I’m sure. We’d also speak on MSN for a few hours a day and he’d call me every night. So our communication was VERY VERY good.
Things have changed drastically since then. He never sends emails anymore. He never replies to the emails I send him. He only gets on MSN a couple times a week and normally doesn’t spend too much time talking to me. He very VERY rarely calls me, and when he does the conversations are very short. I’m lucky if I speak on the phone with him once a week for fifteen minutes. He will go days without speaking to me at all. Last week, he didn’t speak with me at all. Obviously I was getting pretty worried because I had not heard from him in a week. I send him several emails saying I knew he was busy but if he could just let me know how he was doing, I’d appreciate it. I got no reply. He finally got on MSN this past Sunday and apologized and told me how much he loves me and said that things had been very hectic and his sleep schedule was messed up etc but that he loved me more than anything. I last heard from him on Monday when he emailed me to tell me he loved me a lot and missed me and hoped things were good. I haven’t heard from him again since then. Whenever I bring this up with him he says that he’s just been very busy but he loves me very much and I shouldn’t worry/things won’t always be this bad.
It’s very frustrating to have him be acting like this. I understand that he’s busy but going an entire week without talking to me at all is a little ridiculous. He had Saturday off last weekend so I can’t begin to understand why he wouldn’t at least shoot me an email… I love him very very much but this lack of communication is very frustrating. Is “I’m busy” really a valid excuse? The last time I heard from him was on Monday so in the past two weeks we’ve only talked twice, both times through a computer. He claims it really has nothing to do with me and he is just too busy to talk and assures me he loves me but lately it certainly does not seem as if that's the truth.

GatesGirl · 10-23-2009, 12:33 PM

I understand your frustration, but yes, they can be "very busy." Could he call you up real fast before he goes to bed? Yes, but sometimes they just fall asleep. DF is based in Germany and so our relationship is based solely on communication. This week he was put on swing shift, which means he is at work until 7pm my time. He does call me up real fast before collapsing on the bed, but it's short. There were some days when DF was in tech school that he would have a very hectic day and would crash on his bed the minute he hit it. I could eventually get a hold of him and I understood that his schedule is hectic and we are not always going to be able to talk for 2 hours. I know when DF first joined, he sent me cute messages all the time. Well now I don’t get any. It would be a miracle if DF sent me an email. But I would never expect this of him because I understand he is very busy and tired after work. That's the military for you. He says that he loves you and he is sorry that his schedule is so hectic. Keep supporting him and give him your understanding. Once his schedule isnt so hectic I'm sure he will contact you more. Hang in there

sconk · 10-23-2009, 01:25 PM

They do get crazy busy. DF dosn't get much sleep so he goes to bed pretty early. At first it bothered me cause I was like babe it's 8 o clock why you going to bed so early. But I went to visit him one time and I quickly learned that he is VERY busy!! It's not only hard for you it is hard for him too I am sure. DF always feels like he is neglecting me but I know he is busy. Just keep your head up, offer support, and it will get better.

mraynee88 · 10-23-2009, 01:31 PM

I'm going to be honest here, if that was my relationship that would not be okay.

I would expect my DH to at least send me a courtesy text if he was busy and wasn't able to talk, but that's just me.

Moxie · 10-23-2009, 06:52 PM

I feel like something is wrong here...

He's not deployed, he's not in the field...he's just working full time, like most of us do... And he still went a whole WEEK without talking to you? I don't care how busy you get, a week is a long time (TOO LONG, in my opinion) to not speak to your girlfriend. Maybe ask him how he feels about the relationship, but in a way that he wont feel pressured or backed into a corner.

Summer · 10-23-2009, 06:55 PM

Thank you for your replies.

We used to text a lot but his cell phone bill got too expensive so he canceled his cell phone all together. He just has a work phone and also a phone in his apartment where he can make personal calls. Him having a cell phone would make this a lot easier because it’s an easy way for me to get in contact with him and just hear that he’s doing okay. Sadly, that’s not going to happen.
I’m really depressed this week. I’ve got a hardcore case of PMS and I just found out I’m failing my biochem class. Honestly, I try REALLY hard to be supportive but it would be really nice to get some support myself. I’m not talking hours of conversation but being able to hear his voice…it would help. I’m young though…just twenty years old and this is my first relationship. I consider myself more mature than most girls my age but that doesn’t mean that this isn’t difficult.
I just miss the loving/caring boyfriend who called me every day to tell me he loved me and shared things about his day with me, who spent his free time talking to me. I mean if he WANTED to talk to me, he would find time. Am I being too cynical here? If he says he loves me, should I have faith in his words? Things just seem to be getting worse and worse and we talk less and less. I may send him too many emails…I tend to send him several during the week, especially when he don’t talk. It’s not an attractive quality to appear so desperate and needy. Just two minutes a day would make me happy. I've TOLD him that as well. I just miss hearing from him. How do I deal with it? I don’t want to leave him, although I’m unhappy right now…I can’t imagine my life without him. I really do love this guy and being with him does feel right…this hurts so much because not talking to him feels wrong, not having him in my life would be much much worse. He got out of work at 5:00 today but I still haven’t heard from him. Monday night feels like a very very long time ago. I hope I hear from him soon.
What can I do to make this easier for me? I don’t do so well with friends…I just don’t relate to people my age very well. Like AT ALL. I don’t enjoy spending time with them. I try to keep myself busy with school but that still leaves me feeling kind of empty. And on weekends, I go completely crazy not hearing from him because I don’t have as many things to distract myself from him. I really miss him a lot and just wish I could talk to him every day like I used to.
I’ve tired talking to him about this and telling him how I feel but I get the “I’m just really busy, I’m so sorry but I love you” speech. Is there a way I can talk to him about this and get a straight answer without making it sound like I’m pressuring him or backing him into a corner? I mean I'm honestly starting to think he doesn't really love me anymore. Like Moxie said, not calling for a week indicates something is wrong, as much as he insists things are fine.

Navy_Love · 10-23-2009, 08:47 PM

I know how you feel, there have been times when DB has been super busy and he wouldn't be able to call as much. He's never gone one day without calling me, though, even if it's only one 10-min. convo. I've come to understand that he does love me, misses me, and wants to be with me, but that there are a lot of times when he has to put his job before "us." It still is hard to this day, but it's something I'm dealing with. I have no doubt that your man loves you and misses you like crazy! You just have to find a way to not drive yourself so crazy right now because his schedule is something you know you can't control. You say you are close to failing a class...I think this is a perfect opportunity to focus more on your studies to bring that grade up. I also know what you mean about going crazy on the weekends when he's busy and can't call. I don't go out much on weekends because I don't have many friends-they all moved away. I don't really have any advice on that because I still deal with that

As for wanting the old days back, sometimes I wish I could have them back too. I miss the way we used to text/email all day, and the random occasions I would get to work and have a flower delivery on my desk. But that was over a year ago, and things change. That doesn't mean you've lost love for each other, though.

Good luck with everything!

Summer · 10-23-2009, 09:25 PM

Do you really think he loves me? Why is it so easy for him to go days without talking to me? If he really loved me wouldn't he talk to me more? He does say he loves me but I can't be terribly important to him if he does not call and ignores me. All I want is two minutes a day or at least a quick email showing he cares. Surely he has time for that but simply chooses not to spend it talking to me? Can anyone justify why he is okay with going a week without talking to me? I am a very logically brained person and like logical explanation to things

sicasica17 · 10-23-2009, 10:38 PM

Originally Posted by mraynee88

I'm going to be honest here, if that was my relationship that would not be okay.

I would expect my DH to at least send me a courtesy text if he was busy and wasn't able to talk, but that's just me.

I agree with this. I understand busy but a week? Nope. That would be a big deal for me. DF has been in the field for two weeks,so I knew I would be lucky to hear from him,but 5 minutes to write an email or text shouldnt be that much to ask for. LDR's are hard enough,but that sudden change in communication would have me questioning my relationship.

GatesGirl · 10-24-2009, 12:21 AM

Originally Posted by Summer

Do you really think he loves me? Why is it so easy for him to go days without talking to me? If he really loved me wouldn't he talk to me more? He does say he loves me but I can't be terribly important to him if he does not call and ignores me. All I want is two minutes a day or at least a quick email showing he cares. Surely he has time for that but simply chooses not to spend it talking to me? Can anyone justify why he is okay with going a week without talking to me? I am a very logically brained person and like logical explanation to things

Have you tried talking to him about this? Have you guys discussed what you expect when it comes to communication?

10-23-2009, 11:58 AM	#1 (permalink)
Summer Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 6 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 2% Longevity: 1%	Far away in more ways than one! Just as a little background… I have been with my DB for a little over a year now. The relationship has always been long distance. He works on an army base, that’s a little less than four hours away from where I go to school. He works a typical 9-5 workday Monday-Friday. Sometimes he works on Saturdays as well but those days are shorter, from 12:00-4:00. This makes seeing each other on weekends difficult. In the past four months, I’ve only spent two, three day weekends with him. Obviously in a long distance relationship, you don’t get to see your partner as much as you want to. I understood that going into this. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. We got lucky for a while and saw each other every two weeks and spent his holiday leaves together but the past four months have been rough. Now for the problem… A big part of any relationship is communication. For the past four months we have severely lacked this communication. We used to send several emails a day. He’d sent me emails that were several paragraphs longs telling me how much he loved me, how I never left his mind, how I made him happier than he’s ever been…etc. You get the picture I’m sure. We’d also speak on MSN for a few hours a day and he’d call me every night. So our communication was VERY VERY good. Things have changed drastically since then. He never sends emails anymore. He never replies to the emails I send him. He only gets on MSN a couple times a week and normally doesn’t spend too much time talking to me. He very VERY rarely calls me, and when he does the conversations are very short. I’m lucky if I speak on the phone with him once a week for fifteen minutes. He will go days without speaking to me at all. Last week, he didn’t speak with me at all. Obviously I was getting pretty worried because I had not heard from him in a week. I send him several emails saying I knew he was busy but if he could just let me know how he was doing, I’d appreciate it. I got no reply. He finally got on MSN this past Sunday and apologized and told me how much he loves me and said that things had been very hectic and his sleep schedule was messed up etc but that he loved me more than anything. I last heard from him on Monday when he emailed me to tell me he loved me a lot and missed me and hoped things were good. I haven’t heard from him again since then. Whenever I bring this up with him he says that he’s just been very busy but he loves me very much and I shouldn’t worry/things won’t always be this bad. It’s very frustrating to have him be acting like this. I understand that he’s busy but going an entire week without talking to me at all is a little ridiculous. He had Saturday off last weekend so I can’t begin to understand why he wouldn’t at least shoot me an email… I love him very very much but this lack of communication is very frustrating. Is “I’m busy” really a valid excuse? The last time I heard from him was on Monday so in the past two weeks we’ve only talked twice, both times through a computer. He claims it really has nothing to do with me and he is just too busy to talk and assures me he loves me but lately it certainly does not seem as if that's the truth.

10-23-2009, 12:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
GatesGirl I'm Forever Yours, Faithfully Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: ME: Bellingham, WA, HIM: Spangdahlem AB, Germany Posts: 4,606 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 84% Longevity: 16%	I understand your frustration, but yes, they can be "very busy." Could he call you up real fast before he goes to bed? Yes, but sometimes they just fall asleep. DF is based in Germany and so our relationship is based solely on communication. This week he was put on swing shift, which means he is at work until 7pm my time. He does call me up real fast before collapsing on the bed, but it's short. There were some days when DF was in tech school that he would have a very hectic day and would crash on his bed the minute he hit it. I could eventually get a hold of him and I understood that his schedule is hectic and we are not always going to be able to talk for 2 hours. I know when DF first joined, he sent me cute messages all the time. Well now I don’t get any. It would be a miracle if DF sent me an email. But I would never expect this of him because I understand he is very busy and tired after work. That's the military for you. He says that he loves you and he is sorry that his schedule is so hectic. Keep supporting him and give him your understanding. Once his schedule isnt so hectic I'm sure he will contact you more. Hang in there __________________ My is in Germany Wifey to Britt Shea, Ana1221, and Airforcegirl87

10-23-2009, 01:25 PM	#3 (permalink)
sconk engaged to my hero Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Cherry Point Posts: 942 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 79% Longevity: 16%	They do get crazy busy. DF dosn't get much sleep so he goes to bed pretty early. At first it bothered me cause I was like babe it's 8 o clock why you going to bed so early. But I went to visit him one time and I quickly learned that he is VERY busy!! It's not only hard for you it is hard for him too I am sure. DF always feels like he is neglecting me but I know he is busy. Just keep your head up, offer support, and it will get better. __________________

10-23-2009, 01:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
mraynee88 It may not be perfect, but it's all we got. Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Camp Lejeune Posts: 5,048 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 38% Longevity: 20%	I'm going to be honest here, if that was my relationship that would not be okay. I would expect my DH to at least send me a courtesy text if he was busy and wasn't able to talk, but that's just me. __________________ kaylin, ASingingWife, Amy Lynette, and showgirl85 are my SOS wifeys

10-23-2009, 06:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
Moxie Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Me: Colorado, Him: Iraq Posts: 456 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 17% Longevity: 4%	I feel like something is wrong here... He's not deployed, he's not in the field...he's just working full time, like most of us do... And he still went a whole WEEK without talking to you? I don't care how busy you get, a week is a long time (TOO LONG, in my opinion) to not speak to your girlfriend. Maybe ask him how he feels about the relationship, but in a way that he wont feel pressured or backed into a corner. __________________

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10-23-2009, 06:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
Summer Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 6 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 2% Longevity: 1%	Thank you for your replies. We used to text a lot but his cell phone bill got too expensive so he canceled his cell phone all together. He just has a work phone and also a phone in his apartment where he can make personal calls. Him having a cell phone would make this a lot easier because it’s an easy way for me to get in contact with him and just hear that he’s doing okay. Sadly, that’s not going to happen. I’m really depressed this week. I’ve got a hardcore case of PMS and I just found out I’m failing my biochem class. Honestly, I try REALLY hard to be supportive but it would be really nice to get some support myself. I’m not talking hours of conversation but being able to hear his voice…it would help. I’m young though…just twenty years old and this is my first relationship. I consider myself more mature than most girls my age but that doesn’t mean that this isn’t difficult. I just miss the loving/caring boyfriend who called me every day to tell me he loved me and shared things about his day with me, who spent his free time talking to me. I mean if he WANTED to talk to me, he would find time. Am I being too cynical here? If he says he loves me, should I have faith in his words? Things just seem to be getting worse and worse and we talk less and less. I may send him too many emails…I tend to send him several during the week, especially when he don’t talk. It’s not an attractive quality to appear so desperate and needy. Just two minutes a day would make me happy. I've TOLD him that as well. I just miss hearing from him. How do I deal with it? I don’t want to leave him, although I’m unhappy right now…I can’t imagine my life without him. I really do love this guy and being with him does feel right…this hurts so much because not talking to him feels wrong, not having him in my life would be much much worse. He got out of work at 5:00 today but I still haven’t heard from him. Monday night feels like a very very long time ago. I hope I hear from him soon. What can I do to make this easier for me? I don’t do so well with friends…I just don’t relate to people my age very well. Like AT ALL. I don’t enjoy spending time with them. I try to keep myself busy with school but that still leaves me feeling kind of empty. And on weekends, I go completely crazy not hearing from him because I don’t have as many things to distract myself from him. I really miss him a lot and just wish I could talk to him every day like I used to. I’ve tired talking to him about this and telling him how I feel but I get the “I’m just really busy, I’m so sorry but I love you” speech. Is there a way I can talk to him about this and get a straight answer without making it sound like I’m pressuring him or backing him into a corner? I mean I'm honestly starting to think he doesn't really love me anymore. Like Moxie said, not calling for a week indicates something is wrong, as much as he insists things are fine.

10-23-2009, 08:47 PM	#7 (permalink)
Navy_Love Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 3 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 1%	I know how you feel, there have been times when DB has been super busy and he wouldn't be able to call as much. He's never gone one day without calling me, though, even if it's only one 10-min. convo. I've come to understand that he does love me, misses me, and wants to be with me, but that there are a lot of times when he has to put his job before "us." It still is hard to this day, but it's something I'm dealing with. I have no doubt that your man loves you and misses you like crazy! You just have to find a way to not drive yourself so crazy right now because his schedule is something you know you can't control. You say you are close to failing a class...I think this is a perfect opportunity to focus more on your studies to bring that grade up. I also know what you mean about going crazy on the weekends when he's busy and can't call. I don't go out much on weekends because I don't have many friends-they all moved away. I don't really have any advice on that because I still deal with that As for wanting the old days back, sometimes I wish I could have them back too. I miss the way we used to text/email all day, and the random occasions I would get to work and have a flower delivery on my desk. But that was over a year ago, and things change. That doesn't mean you've lost love for each other, though. Good luck with everything!

10-23-2009, 09:25 PM	#8 (permalink)
Summer Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 6 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 2% Longevity: 1%	Do you really think he loves me? Why is it so easy for him to go days without talking to me? If he really loved me wouldn't he talk to me more? He does say he loves me but I can't be terribly important to him if he does not call and ignores me. All I want is two minutes a day or at least a quick email showing he cares. Surely he has time for that but simply chooses not to spend it talking to me? Can anyone justify why he is okay with going a week without talking to me? I am a very logically brained person and like logical explanation to things