Troubles with the past

[Hannah2112]

The 1st month of my relationship with DB I cheated on him. That was over 2 years ago. Since then he has not been able to completely trust me. It really hurt him. He was already going through a hard time in his life and this just made things so much worse. I regret doing what I did and wish I could take it back, but unfortunately I cannot. I know what I did was terrible. DB brought it up today while we were on the phone and he is still very upset and hurt by it. He thinks that it will happen again because we are hundreds of miles apart and he will never know. I told him he needs to trust me if we want this to work. We need to get past this if we want a future together. I just don't know what to tell him anymore to make him feel better. He is the love of my life and I would never do something like that again ever. I want him to trust me, but I just don't know what to do. It really makes me sad to know that it still bothers him and he cannot fully trust me. I just do not know what to do or say to make him feel better Have any of you ever dealt with this before?

[sicasica17]

Once trust is broken, it's really hard to get back. Impossible,no, but each person is different with the amount of time it takes to get past it. It sucks but it's a tough issue. Has he ever thought about talking to someone about it?

[Veronica Lin]

It takes time and unfortantly its something that you never really completely get over, but it is something you learn to deal with. DF and I have both cheated on eachother and its been a long process to gain eachothers trust back. It has taking effort from both of us to make our relationship work. There really isnt anything you can do or say to make it better and unfortantly the seperation doesnt help. It takes time and I do mean ALOT of time! Keep hanging in there!

[pinkpolkadots]

there's nothing you can really do except continue to be honest with him and not cheat on him. it's up to him whether he completely forgives you or not.

[LittleRed]

What about relationship counseling? That might help. I think MilitaryOneSource does phone counseling and chat-counseling [not sure if you have 3-way calling, or how that would work if you don't], and it's offered to girlfriends as long as you are seeking counseling together.

[Unconditonal.Love]

Well this's a stupid situation to be in, but you've to understand and realize it can take a long time for him to completely trust you again!
And it doesn't matter that you cheated on him 2 years ago orr if it would be shorter, cause you broke his trust and shattered his world in many pieces!
You also've to understand that your situation/position's a total different 1 than his and being in a LDR can take tolls on the parties involved in it - especially if somehing like cheating happened before!
Just imagine being in his shoes and dealing with the every day fears he does, his complete trust to be gone and which has to be rebuilt slowly and him being far away from you, not being sure what to expect or if the cheating would/could happen again and also his questions to himself in the back of his head about what he did wrong for you
to already cheat on him in the beginning of the relationship along with the so called "green bug" crawling up/down his back sometimes and all the what if questions!
Once you can understand what he's dealing with and unterstand him better, you're able to help him better!
It's difficult for him and for you, but he has his own time for healing and rebuilding trust and even 2 years seem long for you, for him it might seem very well like it just has been yesterday!
I think/believe counseling for you and him and also seperate counseling's the best thing to do!
And till you and him start with the counseling, let him vent/cry/moan about it without shutting him off or tryning to tell him how you feel - like saying stuff it happened already 2 years/so long ago, how sorry you're and that he really can trust you, cause you never would do it again, cause thatll make him feel worse and like he can't talk/open up to you about it!
I really hope things get better in time and his trust in you 1 day sooner or later'll be back!
Good luck with everything!
Regards and much love!

[Unconditonal.Love]

Edited to say he might've forgiven you for you to cheat on him, but he can't forget it and the pain he feels still can be the very same or similar to what it was when it happened!
I get from your post that you've a hard time understanding what he deals with and how he feels, but patience and communication's the best for your relationship and along with counseling everything can work out just fine!
If you need to talk to some 1, you can always PM me and I can tell you more about this, cause in pretty much every relationship in the past I've been cheated on and I can help you understand your SO more from the cheated on perspective though!
Regards ánd much love!

[Mrz. Robinson]

Yes I have first hand. Once i had broken his trust it took a while for him to gain it fully back. I just made sure I let him know that I as serious about things and would never do it again. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. But I will say that if he can't get over it and move on then it's best if you just let it go. JMO but it's been over 2yrs agao. If he said that he forgave you and you guys have move on an decided to try and make it work, he should leave the past in the past and move on with the future. Sorry to say that it hard toget over but if it is ment to be it will be. Holding on to what happend will only hurt and make things much worse for you guys. I would let him know that what you did was wrong you know that and are very sorry about it. But if he can't let it go and move on it's best that you guys go yur own way. No need to hold a grudge it only makes it worse

[Unconditonal.Love]

Mrz. Robinson
Exactly what I said in my post about it's easy for the cheater to say it's been so long already and what happened in the past should stay in the past and her SO should've been over this already!
Sorry, but for some 1 who cheated that's super easy to say, cause they've not been the other party who the cheating happened to!
Everybody heals different and just, cause her SO didn't heal completely yet and didn't gain/rebuilt all his trust back in her, it's bs to say it's not worthit to keep working on it or even to set up a time limit, cause however long he needs, he'll need for it!
Who else sets the time for when the healing's done and over with and/or when the betrayed party should be over what happened?
Nobody than the 1 who got cheated on though!
Of course he worries and got that "green bug" crawling up/down his back and asks himself the what if questions, which's absolutely normal and if he has been cheated on in past relationships or always had insecurities, of course he takes much longer for getting over it!
For the cheater to get over what happened pretty fast and easy's not the same as for the other party who it happened to!
But as always if the tables would be turned it's a total different story though!
Regards and much love!

[mrsb88]

I have the husband that yes he knows i wouldnt do anything but i can tell he still ?s it. And i have NEVER done anything to hurt him, but his ex's the two other real relationships hes had in life they did cheat on him. So since my friends are guys well they used to be im not at home anymore and i only talk to wives now and he knows them all, he sees me putting myself in the same situation that they were putting themselves in. He is afraid. He wants to know i would never do anything and he doesnt ever tell me his outloud but i know its in his head everyday! (i know its not exactly what your dealing with but if it makes sense that was years and i mean years ago for him and he still has trust issues with females in general.. And we are married) yea like i say he trusts me but its in his head we talked about it before we got married. i just show him everyday im not like them and he gets it!