He says hes confused....

[Missing you....]

hey ladies.... so my DH comes home for the first time in 9 months hes just getting out of AIT and hes questioning everything who is he is he a solider or a civilian when hes not at work has he changed so much we cant live together r we gonna make it... he feels really lost and i think is just freaking out that hes getting out of the little AIT bubble and into the real world any advice? or has anyone else had this happen?

[Amber]

I am a little confused by your post due to a few periods I don't know where to place. Is he questioning whether your marriage will make it? He's out of AIT now, why can't you live together?

[Missing you....]

sorry if i wasnt clear... yes hes out of AIT and hes afraid he has changed so much that it will be hard to live together and he doesnt know if our marriage will work because he feels hes changed alot hes so nervous about coming home to his old life and not knowing where he belongs

[EmilyS88]

please be more specific

[EmilyS88]

Originally Posted by Missing you.... sorry if i wasnt clear... yes hes out of AIT and hes afraid he has changed so much that it will be hard to live together and he doesnt know if our marriage will work because he feels hes changed alot hes so nervous about coming home to his old life and not knowing where he belongs

I say he's kinda jumping the gun here. He needs time to get back in the swing of things. Yes it will be diffrent but it could be a good diffrent

[Amber]

Well, you are married. You got married for a reason. Sometimes you change together, sometimes you don't. He needs to quit freaking out, live with you, and most likely everything will fall back into place.

[Darlabenzy214]

Sounds to me like he is trying to get out of this marriage. I don't know I might be wronged about it. If he is going to freak out do something crazy like this just after AIT training, what will happen if get call for deployment? If he can't handle the military he needs to get help and talk to someone about it. This sound to me like a depression.

[luckylucy]

So he just got out of AIT, and is coming home but has expressed concerns to you that he has "changed" is worried that you life isn't going to be the same.
Hmmm.
People change when they go into the military, and relationships change after distance, a deployment is going to change it....
I think he's being a little spaztic, and overreacting. If he honestly has those concerns about is questioning his exsistance.. then I agree with Darlabenzy, it sounds a bit like depression. Which isn't out of the ordinary for military training, Nathan was depressed for a long time when he was at the Academy.
I would suggest that you have him come home and see if he can adjust for a month. If not, I would seek councling.

[Veronica Lin]

Let me give you a little bit of hope. DF just got home Friday night from BCT/AIT. We were both a little nervous cause we had both changed a little while we were apart. He would return home and we would be living together in a place that he had yet to see (I picked it out while he was gone) and in a week we would be getting married. So not only had we both changed but when he got home there was LOTs to do and alot of change going on for the both of us. He has been home a week now. Within 10 minutes of picking him up from the airport it felt like he had never left. Even though alot of things had changed everything fell right into place. You both are probably just stressed and overwhelmed. Just keep hanging in there! Feel free to PM me!

[mckeisha]

I believe your DH did right by you expressing his feelings right now. He's telling you a few things that's been going through his mind what his current fears are. My suggestions is not to blow them off but listen and work thru them. If things does not improve then seek professional counseling. I have been thru BT/AIT and it's like starting everything anew...new mindset, new goals etc I wish you all the best.