After grad school... - Long Distance Love

pinkpolkadots · 10-06-2009, 09:47 PM

My DB keeps talking about our plans together after I graduate from my grad school program in may 2010.....

.....but I think I might want to get a phD. I know I wouldn't be able to do that living where he is stationed now. I mean, that could change in the time frame we are looking at, but I won't know that for another year or so (probably after applications are in)

What if I can't find a job where he is? Or what if I do choose that more school is what I want to do?

I am LOVING my program right now and really excited about my career path....but I am excited about a future with him as well. I don't want to have to choose.

Sigh. This long distance thing isn't bad now, but there has to be some end in sight.

luckylucy · 10-07-2009, 10:39 AM

Could you put grad school off? I'm currently working on my BA, and me and my SO are going to get married when I finish it, then i'm going to grad school. Or are there other options? Online classes, or transfuring into another program?
I think you need to value what is more important, your education or your future.
See if you can work both in.

Alexandra · 10-07-2009, 01:05 PM

I think if you are feeling ambivalent you need to tell him. He may not be happy to hear it but it is a lot worse to blindside him later on IMO. You could always apply to doctoral programs and by the time you've heard back from all of them, evaluate if you still want to go, if you got into the programs you wanted to, if he has any more clear of an idea where he could be stationed.

Good luck!

Moxie · 10-07-2009, 06:48 PM

I would NOT recommend putting off grad school for a man! What people don't understand, but it seems like you definitely do, is that you can't just go to grad school anywhere. You have to go somewhere whose program fits your wants and needs. You will not get the "same" education no matter where you go. I would definitely get your education completed before taking off with him anywhere. Yes, it sucks to be in a LDR for so long, but you never want to look back and be disappointed for not going for what you truly wanted.

When will he be re-enlisting? Maybe he could put in a request to be transferred when he renews his contract?

*Genia* · 10-07-2009, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by Moxie

I would NOT recommend putting off grad school for a man! What people don't understand, but it seems like you definitely do, is that you can't just go to grad school anywhere. You have to go somewhere whose program fits your wants and needs. You will not get the "same" education no matter where you go. I would definitely get your education completed before taking off with him anywhere. Yes, it sucks to be in a LDR for so long, but you never want to look back and be disappointed for not going for what you truly wanted.

When will he be re-enlisting? Maybe he could put in a request to be transferred when he renews his contract?

It is a hard decision, just make sure that you talk to him about it and let him know how you're feeling.

pinkpolkadots · 10-08-2009, 11:07 PM

Originally Posted by luckylucy

Could you put grad school off? I'm currently working on my BA, and me and my SO are going to get married when I finish it, then i'm going to grad school. Or are there other options? Online classes, or transfuring into another program?
I think you need to value what is more important, your education or your future.
See if you can work both in.

When you say what is more important, my education or my future, are you meaning my future with him? Because I see my education as my future. I would always put education before moving to be with a man. That's just how I was raised. It's not that I don't want to be with him, I would resent him if he didn't let me pursue my own dreams. It'll just keep us apart longer which sucks.

As to the other question, I don't know if he will re-enlist..he has only been in for a year and a half..so he has 4.5 years to go. I would be done with all my school by then no matter what I decide.

luckylucy · 10-11-2009, 08:11 AM

Yeah, your future with him. Do you want a family? I know that I want to get married and have children. I also want to get my doctorate, but I know with how Nathan supports my education that I will be able to get it even after we are married.
If you did get married, do you think you would be able to continue grad school, or do you feel that you would have too many distractions.
One of my greatest role models, Dr Heckman married her husband who was an AF pilate her junior year of college and went to medical school after they had already had two children.
I know a lot of people recomend against it, but it can be done. It just takes a lot of self diciplen.

thejigsup · 10-11-2009, 08:24 AM

Not sure why the two have to be mutually exclusive. Your DB should be happy for you and your future together with a PhD. Choose an online PhD program. Put it off and be together afterwards. My DH and I waited 5 1/2 years to get married so I could finish high school and then college. It was a good decision, which set a great professional and financial platform for us and our future (now three) children. Granted that was "just" my BS degree, but that was my educational goal at that time (some not all of it, KWIM).

pinkpolkadots · 10-11-2009, 02:16 PM

An online phd program isn't an option for what I want to do. I do want kids, but I would only be 26 when I finished the doctoral program so that's not really an issue.

I'll figure it out as time goes by.

Amanda801 · 10-11-2009, 02:20 PM

Originally Posted by Moxie

I would NOT recommend putting off grad school for a man! What people don't understand, but it seems like you definitely do, is that you can't just go to grad school anywhere. You have to go somewhere whose program fits your wants and needs. You will not get the "same" education no matter where you go. I would definitely get your education completed before taking off with him anywhere. Yes, it sucks to be in a LDR for so long, but you never want to look back and be disappointed for not going for what you truly wanted.

When will he be re-enlisting? Maybe he could put in a request to be transferred when he renews his contract?

My DF and I have been together for 8 years almost and although we went to college together. Neither one of us was finished doing what we needed to do before getting married. He still wanted to get his masters and join the marines and my family was going through so much that I couldnt just up and leave them. I had also just started my career when he joined and I wanted to get some experience with my job before getting up and moving. Yes it has been hard being LD but we love eachother and are making this work. It has been four years now going on five and now we are both ready to settle down and get married. If you feel this relationship is worth it then you will figure out a way to make your relationship work and finish your education.

10-06-2009, 09:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
pinkpolkadots Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,304 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 47% Longevity: 16%	After grad school... My DB keeps talking about our plans together after I graduate from my grad school program in may 2010..... .....but I think I might want to get a phD. I know I wouldn't be able to do that living where he is stationed now. I mean, that could change in the time frame we are looking at, but I won't know that for another year or so (probably after applications are in) What if I can't find a job where he is? Or what if I do choose that more school is what I want to do? I am LOVING my program right now and really excited about my career path....but I am excited about a future with him as well. I don't want to have to choose. Sigh. This long distance thing isn't bad now, but there has to be some end in sight.

10-07-2009, 10:39 AM	#2 (permalink)
luckylucy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Colorado Posts: 154 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 23% Longevity: 3%	Could you put grad school off? I'm currently working on my BA, and me and my SO are going to get married when I finish it, then i'm going to grad school. Or are there other options? Online classes, or transfuring into another program? I think you need to value what is more important, your education or your future. See if you can work both in. __________________

10-07-2009, 01:05 PM	#3 (permalink)
Alexandra Beltway Bandit Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Fort Meade, Maryland Posts: 2,916 Blog Entries: 4 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 32% Longevity: 53%	I think if you are feeling ambivalent you need to tell him. He may not be happy to hear it but it is a lot worse to blindside him later on IMO. You could always apply to doctoral programs and by the time you've heard back from all of them, evaluate if you still want to go, if you got into the programs you wanted to, if he has any more clear of an idea where he could be stationed. Good luck! __________________

10-07-2009, 06:48 PM	#4 (permalink)
Moxie Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Me: Colorado, Him: Iraq Posts: 452 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 17% Longevity: 4%	I would NOT recommend putting off grad school for a man! What people don't understand, but it seems like you definitely do, is that you can't just go to grad school anywhere. You have to go somewhere whose program fits your wants and needs. You will not get the "same" education no matter where you go. I would definitely get your education completed before taking off with him anywhere. Yes, it sucks to be in a LDR for so long, but you never want to look back and be disappointed for not going for what you truly wanted. When will he be re-enlisting? Maybe he could put in a request to be transferred when he renews his contract? __________________

10-11-2009, 08:11 AM	#7 (permalink)
luckylucy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Colorado Posts: 154 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 23% Longevity: 3%	Yeah, your future with him. Do you want a family? I know that I want to get married and have children. I also want to get my doctorate, but I know with how Nathan supports my education that I will be able to get it even after we are married. If you did get married, do you think you would be able to continue grad school, or do you feel that you would have too many distractions. One of my greatest role models, Dr Heckman married her husband who was an AF pilate her junior year of college and went to medical school after they had already had two children. I know a lot of people recomend against it, but it can be done. It just takes a lot of self diciplen. __________________

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10-11-2009, 08:24 AM	#8 (permalink)
thejigsup Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Arlington, TN Posts: 1,392 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 57% Longevity: 24%	Not sure why the two have to be mutually exclusive. Your DB should be happy for you and your future together with a PhD. Choose an online PhD program. Put it off and be together afterwards. My DH and I waited 5 1/2 years to get married so I could finish high school and then college. It was a good decision, which set a great professional and financial platform for us and our future (now three) children. Granted that was "just" my BS degree, but that was my educational goal at that time (some not all of it, KWIM). __________________ Last edited by thejigsup; 10-11-2009 at 09:12 AM.

10-11-2009, 02:16 PM	#9 (permalink)
pinkpolkadots Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,304 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 47% Longevity: 16%	An online phd program isn't an option for what I want to do. I do want kids, but I would only be 26 when I finished the doctoral program so that's not really an issue. I'll figure it out as time goes by.